|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 7:02:58 GMT -5
I asked him to leave
He keeps not coming home after work so he can go hangout with friends & not getting back till after the babies bedtime..
Then he doesn't want to talk about anything. He talks to me like I'm dirt 95% of the time. & that's not being dramatic, that's literal. I have finals tomorrow & he's been so selfish & not watching our kids so I can study.. He finally came in late in the afternoon yesterday to watch them & I didn't get home until really late because of how late he waited to come.. I called him earlier yesterday to kindly ask him to come earlier so I can really get some studying done, & he hung up on me, ignored all calls & texts, & then refused to talk about it when he got here.. I just feel like this is so crazy.. I asked him this morning before he left for work if he would mind coming home after work to watch the kids so I can study & he said "I don't have time for this" & was getting ready to walk out the door. So I quickly told him that I can't do this with him anymore & I want him to leave.
He was really mad.
I sent him a text saying that I care about him too much to enable him, & I don't want to stand in the way of him & God
That I'm always here for him & when he decides to be commited then I will be here. He hasn't responded & he probably won't. I'm honestly not sure if this was the right choice or not, but it's already done. All I can do I pray that he gave a huge heart change..
|
|
|
|
Post by Eric W. on Mar 11, 2016 7:24:19 GMT -5
Whether this is the right decision or not isn't really a question. Our God is so merciful, that we can't really mess up as long as we are following him. He can turn all things (right decision / wrong decision) into good for those follow him. Mary, I am sorry you are hurting, and pray for comfort and peace. That you can use this time to draw nearer to God and that your husband can focus on what he truly needs in his life. A relationship with God. Know that I will be praying for you both.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 8:09:49 GMT -5
I know that is right! Thank you for the reminder. Of course worry creeps in because last time I put him out for continually finding bad things on his phone, & when I put him out, he didn't come back till over a year later. I pray it doesn't take that long, mainly for the kids sake & for his life, but I know the Lord has a plan & I just have to trust Him. I appreciate your prayers! Last night the Lord gave me "this kind is only cast out by prayer" so I take it He expects me to amp up my prayer game  ? |
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Mar 11, 2016 8:20:38 GMT -5
Eric responded perfectly. God's mercy and grace is immense. Stay in prayer and trust in Him. I'm praying for you both too.
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 11, 2016 9:11:37 GMT -5
Yes keep praying Mary! I understand how confusing and hard it is because we always struggle with if we did the right thing or not. But like Eric said, God will use it.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on Mar 11, 2016 9:49:20 GMT -5
I'm praying for you Mary. God doesn't want to be treated as a revolving door....and neither should your marriage. As tough as it is....god's got this...eyes on him! Stay strong and in prayer.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Mar 11, 2016 14:39:29 GMT -5
Mary you and I seem to be in the same place right now. As Eric said, God will use this for his good. I feel very strongly that you did the right thing though - you have been on my mind (I've actually been dreaming about you) for the last few days. I know it is a comfort to you to have your spouse home - to have some kind of control over the situation, but we can't stand and watch while ours husbands gain the world and lose their souls. I told Chris that by his fruit, other Christians will know him, and then I saw a devotional today (I am going to share it on the devotionals section) that discusses doing good for all others to see and how God sees our true hearts.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 17:30:14 GMT -5
Here is why I'm still unsure:
1) I didn't pray about it first
2) I haven't been as close with the Lord the past week or so & following the enemy in my thoughts more than usual
3) it came out of hurt first, & then love instead out of love first
4) Tony believes that God doesn't love him. That he is excluded from Gods love because he's not good enough. That because of his sin, God casts him out of son-ship. I'm just not sure if kicking him out will do anything more than "prove" to himself that he's right about God not wanting him. Tony don't listen to words..ever.. He hears actions.. So i dont think it matters how kind & loving my words are.. He don't believe them.. He believes actions.. So I'm just not sure how this will play out
Why I think it was the right thing
1) maybe if I would've prayed about it, I would've thought about it too long & decided it wasn't worth loosing him.. So maybe it coming out of hurt all of a sudden like it did was nessisary? (Doesn't sound right to me)
2) in the book I've been reading, it talks about "functional fixedness" where a spouse gets comfortable being a certain dysfunctional way & has no motivation to change because their spouse doesn't make a stand other than nagging. It suggested lovingly standing up to them in a way that affirms them, loves them, & encourages them, yet points out it cannot continue because as long as it does they are harming their own life.. He book said my hurt won't motivate him, only him noticing how the consequences to his actions hurt him, will.
3) with my human eyes, I can't see any way that continuing like this that will grow either of us..
4) I have no peace with us continuing like this; with him not even trying a little bit. (Could possible just be the enemy causing discontentment or impatience)
|
|
|
|
Post by Eric W. on Mar 11, 2016 17:41:01 GMT -5
Mary,
If you don't think this came from God, then I would recommend fasting and praying for direction. And then follow it. If it happens that this came from hurt, it could be an example of showing him that you can mess up in your humanness and God will still forgive you if you turn to him for guidance. If this was God's will to show him some other lesson, God will reveal it to you in his timing. Either way, you have to give this over to God and trust him. God forgives us our transgressions when we seek him for forgiveness with repentance in our hearts. You have to forgive yourself either way. Don't allow the devil to make you blame yourself. Either you are following God's direction, or you made a mistake out of hurt and seek forgiveness. Which God will grant. You can't hold yourself hostage to a sin that is forgiven. You move past them and learn from them.
If you feel you aren't where you need to be with God, only you have the power to change that... Know that I will be praying for direction, guidance, and learning either way.
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 11, 2016 19:15:03 GMT -5
Eric you said that perfectly! He's right Mary, you need to seek God and pray for revelation about this. God will give you the answer. But in the mean time just pray and don't hold yourself down because of the decision. I did for a long time when I put my husband out because I did it for my family and friends and not for God. But being patient and trusting that God can use this for good has given me peace. God will use this for good however it came about.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 19:48:41 GMT -5
Thank you Eric!!
That is so true; I know I have to stop trying to figure it out & just trust God. I've been going back & forth with it all day.
I will say that today has been one of the best days I've had in a couple of weeks! I've been seeking the Lord way more than I have the past couple weeks, & feel more connected with Him!
|
|
|
|
Post by Eric W. on Mar 11, 2016 20:14:46 GMT -5
That is awesome, Mary! It's hard to stay focused. Sometimes I feel like I must have ADHD or something. I try to not focus on my wife, on missing her, or my stepdaughter, and it's all I can think about... Until I turn to God. Prayer, honest from the heart, tears in my eyes, soul wrenching prayer, moving praise and worship music, scripture, a moving sermon. When I stop trying NOT to focus on my situation and instead DO focus on God (where I should be looking anyway) it all just melts into place. I am glad you have had a good day. May our father bless you with many more. :-)
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 22:06:26 GMT -5
Yes! Because when we're not trying so hard, then it almost happens naturally..
I think He finally draws us, in that moment. I've been reading tonight about how no one can understand God or come to Him unless He draws them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 22:07:40 GMT -5
I almost feel like the only reason the Lord hasn't drawn Tony back to Jesus yet, is because there is still a lot of work He wants to do in me..
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 22:10:39 GMT -5
A part of me just wishes Tony would leave for a couple months with no communication & then return back home ready to repent.. This whole in home prodigal thing is no joke... It's so terrible.. Lots of growth can happen if a person doesn't just explode first! It's so frustrating... Growing pains I suppose
|
|
?
