Post by Adrienne on Mar 23, 2019 16:53:19 GMT -5
Hello all,
I haven't been on the forum much lately, I've just been very busy. And honestly, I've been feeling distant from the marriage stand also. I have been trying to just focus on God and not think about the marriage question... but I wanted to share some updates and check in with everyone.
So, first big update, I got the job that I interviewed for in January! I am excited but also a bit anxious. I still have a lot to do on my dissertation and need to have it finished in roughly 7-8 weeks to be able to graduate on time. The university is two hours away from home, so I will be moving to another city (in August) but will still be close to family - I have felt so blessed that God opened this door and feel like He is guiding me in a new direction. It has almost felt like this is opening a path forward, and that path may mean leaving my marriage.
G moved out of our house at the beginning of February, so it's been almost two months of living apart and about seven months since we decided to separate. Up until January I was asking him to try again and work together with God towards reconciliation, but in January he said several things to me that made me feel like he has no interest in a future together. I still haven't seen any change in that... we continue to have almost daily contact (pretty much all initiated by him) but it's almost like he uses me as an emotional and financial crutch - he doesn't want to get his own car insurance or phone plan because it's cheaper with me, and he vents about his problems to me because he doesn't have friends.
Meanwhile I have really been trying to just focus on God and Christian community (I have joined two Bible Study groups!) - and on getting my school stuff done and just working on myself. I have been going to therapy (with a Christian counselor) since October and have been trying to heal from the marriage and build up my self-esteem. Now, for the first time ever, I can look back with clear eyes at everything this man has done and honestly, he treated me so terribly... he broke whatever covenant we had with his behavior, and just continues to stomp on the idea of it with his selfishness. And he still doesn't get it! I know we are all imperfect but I just can't fathom going back to this marriage unless he changes drastically - into the man that God wants him to be. And at this rate, I don't see that happening (although I know with God all things are possible). I pray that if it's God's will to bring us back together, that He mold my heart to accept that. Right now I just want to move forward and not be in a relationship that is so very broken... I want to live a life (and eventually be in a relationship) that honors God, and I feel like this marriage is just so toxic.
So, long story short, I continue to pray. But for now, I think God has me exactly where He wants me. I am sad everyday about the broken state of our marriage, but I also feel God working in my life and feel that He is preparing me for His perfect plans.
I haven't been on the forum much lately, I've just been very busy. And honestly, I've been feeling distant from the marriage stand also. I have been trying to just focus on God and not think about the marriage question... but I wanted to share some updates and check in with everyone.
So, first big update, I got the job that I interviewed for in January! I am excited but also a bit anxious. I still have a lot to do on my dissertation and need to have it finished in roughly 7-8 weeks to be able to graduate on time. The university is two hours away from home, so I will be moving to another city (in August) but will still be close to family - I have felt so blessed that God opened this door and feel like He is guiding me in a new direction. It has almost felt like this is opening a path forward, and that path may mean leaving my marriage.
G moved out of our house at the beginning of February, so it's been almost two months of living apart and about seven months since we decided to separate. Up until January I was asking him to try again and work together with God towards reconciliation, but in January he said several things to me that made me feel like he has no interest in a future together. I still haven't seen any change in that... we continue to have almost daily contact (pretty much all initiated by him) but it's almost like he uses me as an emotional and financial crutch - he doesn't want to get his own car insurance or phone plan because it's cheaper with me, and he vents about his problems to me because he doesn't have friends.
Meanwhile I have really been trying to just focus on God and Christian community (I have joined two Bible Study groups!) - and on getting my school stuff done and just working on myself. I have been going to therapy (with a Christian counselor) since October and have been trying to heal from the marriage and build up my self-esteem. Now, for the first time ever, I can look back with clear eyes at everything this man has done and honestly, he treated me so terribly... he broke whatever covenant we had with his behavior, and just continues to stomp on the idea of it with his selfishness. And he still doesn't get it! I know we are all imperfect but I just can't fathom going back to this marriage unless he changes drastically - into the man that God wants him to be. And at this rate, I don't see that happening (although I know with God all things are possible). I pray that if it's God's will to bring us back together, that He mold my heart to accept that. Right now I just want to move forward and not be in a relationship that is so very broken... I want to live a life (and eventually be in a relationship) that honors God, and I feel like this marriage is just so toxic.
So, long story short, I continue to pray. But for now, I think God has me exactly where He wants me. I am sad everyday about the broken state of our marriage, but I also feel God working in my life and feel that He is preparing me for His perfect plans.
