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Post by Adrienne on Aug 27, 2018 9:47:54 GMT -5
My husband and I decided last night to do a trial separation. Neither of us feel we can continue as is. My heart is breaking. We both feel relief that our feelings are out in the open now, and are happy that we are doing this amicably and respectfully, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
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Post by Eric W. on Aug 27, 2018 20:14:39 GMT -5
My heart breaks for you both, sister. I know you already know this, but turn to God for guidance, for peace, healing, and stability. This may be the very thing he will use to start your restoration.
This morning I was greeted to a Facebook memories post of something I had shared years ago when my wife and I first separated. It was actually a daily post from K-Love. It was a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." That has hit me all day. None of us know how many flights of stairs, how many turns and splits it may take to get us to the top of our stair cases. But we have to trust and believe in where we are heading. Climbing stairs is no easy task, you need faith, conviction, strength, courage, and wisdom to keep going when you can't see the top.
I will keep you all in my prayers, sister.
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Post by Sharon on Aug 28, 2018 8:01:26 GMT -5
Adrienne it breaks my heart to hear this. I was praying a few months ago for all of us and specifically God brought you Adrienne, Eric, Pat, and TK along with 3 of my other friends and showed me a picture of all our spouses running through a wall back into the arms of our savior. Sister it was confirmation to me of Gods promises for you all. Eric is right. We don’t know how long this journey is. We don’t know the twists and turns of the path. But we know very well the voice of our shepherd who leads us. Right now is so important.
Psalm 126 carried me through my divorce. 1When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.
2Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
3The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
4Restore our fortunes, Lord,
like streams in the Negev.
5Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
Especially that last verse. When God calls us to choose Him, it is like carrying our precious seed to his altar. We could make bread for us and our families from that seed, but it is precious because it is scarce. God doesn’t want us to just taste of what we have in our own hands, in our own control. He has bigger, greater plans for your life then you can even imagine sister. You are laying your seed in his alter today - your husband. You are telling God that you trust Him with Gs life and know that God loves G so much more than you do. God will not waste your sacrifice. He will multiply it and bring it back to you 100x over.
Matthew 19:27-29
27Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”
28Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.
God has given me some amazing pictures of what Chris will look like one day in the future. Although he looks similar, he is full and overflowing with the Holy Spirit. It’s worth it sister. G will come back full and overflowing with the Spirit and it will be worth this pain you are suffering now. I promise you - He never lets our sacrifices and obedience go in vain
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Post by Adrienne on Aug 28, 2018 9:31:37 GMT -5
Thank you Eric and Sharon for your responses, support, and encouragement.
It is strange but I think my husband might actually be feeling more positive about our ability to reconcile after this separation than I am at the moment. We talked again last night and he said he is approaching the separation as a positive effort to do what we can to make the marriage work - he said that he felt good about trying something new because he's so tired of us trying to make it work and failing. I told him that I wanted to think that way, but that I was overwhelmed by fear that our differences were too great, that his sin in the past (his affair) was too big to move past, and that this separation will just be the beginning of the end. I want to have faith that God has a future for us together at the end of this, but right now I'm not feeling very hopeful; instead, I am feeling discouraged and afraid. He said he was aware of all of those possibilities also, but refused to consider them right now, because that's not what the separation is in his mind. To hear him say that was kind of reassuring. Like, he isn't taking this as an opportunity to go running for the hills.
I am trying to work my way down from mental and emotional "apocalypse" mode and focus on the good. I am feeling calmer today than I was yesterday. Seeing your messages makes me think too that maybe God is going to use this time to bring us both closer to Him... I know I have let my own relationship with Him fade. I have been dragged down my worries of the world and by fear and have let those things take a dominant place in my mind. I want to use this time to learn to fully lean on Him again, not my husband. And I am hopeful that perhaps G will do the same. I am praying now that he will agree to do couples counseling with me. I have asked for this for a long time and he has always said no. Now he has still been saying no, but yesterday for the first time instead of outright no and "how will they be able to help anyway?", he said "I'm afraid." I think that is progress.
I know this post is all over the place. I am still processing everything and I'm still feeling pretty lost. Thanks for your support in prayer brother and sister. I really appreciated having a safe place to come with this new development in my life. I haven't been active on the page lately but I still think of you both, and our other brothers and sisters on here, and pray for you all often.
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Post by Sharon on Sept 5, 2018 11:31:59 GMT -5
I love you sister. It is so amazing to hear Gs response to all of this. I understand your feelings completely. I felt that way too. It’s strange honestly how victorious I feel in my marriage for the fact that I am divorced, but I’ll post about that in a minute here. But the point of that is to say that we have two options. We can wave the flag of victim or victor. We can’t wave both. Giving this all over to God is the only way to victory. Where you are right now...so much easier said than done. But then again, it starts with spending time with Him. With recognizing him in every moment of your day. With talking to him instead of your husband or friends. Taking your every decision to Him in submission. As small as “what should we eat for lunch today?”, because you never know how it will impact someone else’s life or your own.
Sister I am proud of you. Separation is a good chance for God to get the space He needs to work on both of you. I’m proud of you for saying yes to the hard things for Gods sake, because He will honor your obedience.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 12, 2018 6:39:23 GMT -5
Adrienne, I am sorry to hear about this separation. I know for a fact that God can use times like this to draw us into a deeper relationship with Him. It’s what He has done with me and all the others here who are separated or divorced. It also gives Him the opportunity to reach our lost spouses and draw them nearer to Him. Some of them are so far off His path, that it takes them a while to actually hear His voice again, so they can find their way back to Him. But it is God’s job to bring them back to Him - we’re called to stand and pray for our spouses and lead a Christ filled life, full of the peace He so freely gives us. I pray you find that peace, my sweet friend. Draw yourself closer to Jesus. Ask Him to hold you close, and show you how to rest in Him.
Sharon, thank you for remembering to pray for me and my marriage also. Nothing has changed on that front, but I am happy and living my life asking God to direct each day, for me to do His Will. I want nothing more that His Will in my life. So I am living a life of complete contentment in Him. His Will for me at the moment is to be an active Mom to my children & their spouses, to continue to point them to Christ in their daily struggles, and a Grandma in the lives of my beautiful grandchildren. They truly are a crown! And I’ve got a new grandbaby coming the end of January. Praise God for multiplying my joy!
It seems we’ve all gotten settled in our new lives and God is keeping us busy - as we don’t spend as much time here as we once did. But I think about all of you often and continue to pray for you all. And I thank God for bring all of you into my life. Isn’t it awesome how He can take us all, each of us in different parts of the country, and each of us in different stages of our lives, and bring us together to love and support each other in Him! What an AWESOME GOD we serve!!
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Post by Sharon on Oct 4, 2018 8:50:27 GMT -5
What an Awesome God we serve!!!
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Post by tkk2 on Oct 9, 2018 4:48:17 GMT -5
Adrienne, I am sorry to hear this. But I think you saw it coming for quite some time. Like the others of said, you will find your focus is the Lord...and nothing else. God beautifully molds us over and over thru separation and divorce. I am praying for peace for you. Let God guide you.
You all mean so very much to me...always in my heart and prayers!
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Post by Adrienne on Oct 23, 2018 11:24:32 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your prayers. <3 I haven't been on the site for a while but hope to change that and be more active - I really appreciate your support. It is such a blessing to have a like-minded community of brothers and sisters who just want to seek God's will!!!
As an update, we are still separated, but are living together (sleeping in separate bedrooms), which is uncomfortable. We still have contact but it's extremely reduced from our "normal" communication and intimacy. I have gone through waves of intense anger/resentment and of overwhelming sadness. There are moments of hope here and there, but also lots of despair and doubt. As of the past couple weeks I have finally gotten to a place where I have started really leaning on God again and trying to focus on my relationship again. It's like I am having a repetitive epiphany that HE needs to be the center of my identity and my entire life... therapy is also helping on this front, as I have been seeing a Christian therapist for a little over a month now. G has said he will also do therapy (independently) but has been making lots of excuses for not having started yet and has been working a crazy amount of hours, filling up his time with work. I am doing my best not to worry about that - I am praying for him, but know that ultimately he will have to choose his own path forward. Overall, I am trying to put the marriage stuff on the back burner and just focus on getting myself right with God. I know now, more than ever, that God has to come first. The marriage stuff is in His hands, at the foot of Christ's cross - I want God to figure that out for me rather than me trying to control it!
In other life things, my Dad was hospitalized for over a month but is finally back at home. He has a long journey ahead to be healthy but I think he is finally taking things seriously. I am still working on my dissertation and will be a applying to a couple local professor positions here in NC during the next couple weeks - I am stressed, overwhelmed, busy, but trying to just keep chipping away at things and still make time for God in my life every day - and for rest!
I am feeling battered by this storm I am in, but I'm trying to remember to press in to God. I read the daily devotional from Proverbs 31 ministries today and received these verses:
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1: 2-4)
I know God has a purpose for all of this. I know He is refining me and perfecting me according to His love and His perfect plans for my life. I am trying to remember that and cling to it through this storm.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 29, 2018 23:38:47 GMT -5
Sister, if you have the money for it, I would highly recommend "Standing after the Prodigal Returns/ After the Prodigal Returns" by Bob and Charlyne from Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Especially Charlyne's part of the book. She emphasizes the really practical reasons why we standers need to have a strong and continuous relationship with the Lord.
It has been especially emphasized to me recently. I don't know if you all remember this guy I was interested in right as our divorce was finalizing that God kept me from and he and his wife miraculously reconciled their marriage! It was beautiful and amazing and so exciting for me to see! Well I reached out to them recently to see if they would care to write up their testimony to share with this standers group and Steve tells me they have broken up again. It broke my heart to hear it, but sadly it did not surprise me. After their restoration, they stopped going to church. Steve stopped praying. It was quite clear that they were both very focused on the honeymoon phase of restoration, which is amazing, but that they put God back into 2nd spot the moment their spouse came back into the picture. We can't let anything come before the Lord. I am still praying that God would give them another chance at restoration. Steve is clearly distraught over it and I know that God is powerful enough to fix what they broke again. Please be praying for them too if you think of them - Steve and Britt. I just know I don't want to get to that place. To the point of falling over the edge into blissful restoration, just to be swept away into the sea, because I forgot to keep my feet anchored to the Lord. Let's keep our eyes fixed on the only One who really matters, the One who gave us the gift of marriage for HIS glory, not ours. The One who has purposes for our lives and has entrusted us all with a promise for our future that He is using now for His glory! Sister, thank you for all you've said here. I am so inspired by you to keep my eyes fixed on Him.
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