|
|
Post by Sharon on May 21, 2018 0:45:11 GMT -5
standingforsalvation.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/fighting-by-faith/Hey guys. I’m sorry it’s late and I wish I had time to write this all out but I’m clinging to awake still and wanted to share this before tomorrow. Please read my blog that I linked above. Chris and I are going to counseling tomorrow. Please be praying for us at noon (mountain time). Pray for a breakthrough, for God’s will to be done, for God to be present and speak to Chris and I both. Whatever you feel God speaking to you to pray over us. I don’t know what His plan is, but God confirmed so much about this today that I know to a fact he is at work in this and He is going to do something tomorrow. Thank you guys! I’ll let u know how it goes.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on May 21, 2018 5:55:22 GMT -5
Praying for a breakthrough in your relationship today.
Its wonderful that he agrees to go to counseling...that is a huge step!
Keep us up to date.
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on May 30, 2018 11:47:33 GMT -5
Hey Sharon, I haven't been on much lately and I just saw this. How did it go? I agree that it is a big step that he agreed to counseling!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on May 30, 2018 12:45:46 GMT -5
Thanks for checking on me guys. I should have posted last week but I didn’t have the heart to write. standingforsalvation.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/broken-together/My latest blog post if you want all the details, but the summary is that Chris changed his mind about counseling. He said he needs to be there for his not girlfriend Emily because she has cancer and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but he doesn’t know what to do. I told him I am valuable and that is a fact, because it is who God says I am. That I don’t want him. I broke it off again. I know he is using Emily’s cancer as a scapegoat. Truthfully, he isn’t there for her either. He left for a deployment yesterday and she is going to go through the surgery and the chemo and all of that without him. The truth is he wants to sleep around still and Emily affords him that luxury because she is willing to be his sex buddy with “no strings attached” while I expect monotony and commitment. She is easier to keep around on the back burner while he feeds his sex addiction basically. I was upset about it last week. This week, I have a lot more clarity. I’ve been talking to a couple different guys - just friends and I was clear that’s all I want right now. I think I just needed something to distract me from Chris. But read the blog if you get a chance, because God gave me another incredibly clear picture about his plans for me and it is to pursue Christ and not worry about Chris. Sheesh...you’d think after all these years I would already know that! It’s okay. The kids and I are doing well actually. The other part of this is I’ve decided to disappear. I am still flying out to DC for my trip with the kids, but we won’t be going to see Chris’s family. If he wants to talk to us, he is going to have to make a big effort to find us. I am not answering texts or phone calls. I will answer emails if he decides to do that. In the future, if he wants to see his kids, I’ll pray about that before I make the decision, but it won’t be on his timing and I am not going to make it easy. I’ve been too lenient with him on making sure he sees his kids and it’s too easy for him. He does things like skipping our sons kindergarten graduation because it wasn’t convenient for him, when if he was really prioritizing his kids, he would make a greater effort to be there for the important things. It’s my responsibility to guard my heart and guard my kids hearts too and Chris has been damaging us all for far too long, because I don’t protect us. I really hope that doesn’t come off as spiteful, because it’s not the intention. It’s just that Chris is lying constantly and it’s much better to be away from him then to be near and be emotionally drawn in and then lied to and hurt again. The kids are hurting. It’s another wave of grief to have to endure and Chris doesn’t care. I hope that all makes sense...it’s for the sake of protecting me and the kids. Not an effort to punish Chris. Thanks guys for checking in and keeping me and the kids in prayers. Still unsure where we are going or what we are doing, but God is always with us so I know one step at a time, we will get where He needs us. I’m praying for y’all and I love you guys so much! Also TK thx for the email about Ivonne! She and I have gotten together a couple times and she’s been coming to church with me! Yay! |
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on May 30, 2018 23:12:17 GMT -5
Guys, please just keep me in prayers. I’ve started trying to talk to some other guys. Just friends for now, but I am really realizing how wounded I am. I am super damaged. I met this really nice guy fantastic man who is really kind and genuine and has such a good heart and I can’t barely even talk to him without breaking down crying cause I’m being triggered left and right by things that I am damaged from. I can’t believe I let myself get so broken. God keeps calling me to go away from Chris. Just walk away. I can’t believe the divorce has been final 3 months now and I’m still this horrible mess.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on May 31, 2018 5:51:23 GMT -5
Sharon, the wounds of divorce will always be there. Time doesnt heal, it just makes the hurt bearable. I would caution you to not find friendships that take away anything you have with God.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on May 31, 2018 5:54:57 GMT -5
Great news about Ivonne!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Jun 5, 2018 18:54:59 GMT -5
Sharon, the wounds of divorce will always be there. Time doesnt heal, it just makes the hurt bearable. I would caution you to not find friendships that take away anything you have with God. Tk thank you for the caution and I know you are right! I want friends that will push me forward towards Christ, not distract me from him. I think I was using those guys to distract me from Chris. I love God. He’s so crazy awesome. I’m in peace for right now. Chris isn’t calling thank you God and God told me today something I need to keep remembering. Yeah, I’d like my husband back, but if he isn’t the man God made him to be, I don’t want him today. I’ll wait until he’s who God plans to make him thanks. And I have everything I need plus that! Financially, I am good. I have clothes and food. I have God. I have my kids, my house. I mean why am I complaining?! I have so much to be happy about and I have a great life right here in this moment! And God is using this! I’ve made SO many friends with divorced folks, been able to share my testimony and my hope for the future. God is good and he’s making disciples out of my troubles. What more could I want?! I am content and grateful! |
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Jun 9, 2018 12:45:53 GMT -5
I want friends that will push me forward towards Christ, not distract me from him. I think I was using those guys to distract me from Chris. God told me today something I need to keep remembering. Yeah, I’d like my husband back, but if he isn’t the man God made him to be, I don’t want him today. I’ll wait until he’s who God plans to make him thanks. And I have everything I need plus that! Sharon, I am catching up on your posts about what's been going on recently and I really connect with these two things that you said. I totally understand this desire for escape and distraction. I think that's exactly what I've been chasing lately with this dangerous daydream about getting divorced and finding someone else, someone "better." I love TK's response and encouragement... she's so right: instead of looking to be distracted we need to look to God... I know on my end I am looking for distraction because I don't want to deal with the challenge of the uncertainty, insecurity, pain, fear, etc. But I also know (in my head, my heart's not convinced) that if I face those feelings and give them to God, I will grow closer to Him and move farther into His perfect plans for me. I am still working on this. I guess my point is: let's keep watch for these temptations to distract ourselves and escape and help each other turn away and turn back to God and His plans. I will be praying for you in this area, sister. Also, what you said about "I don't want my husband today if he isn't the man God made him to be" ---- yes!!!! I completely get that and agree with it, on a logical level. But emotionally, doesn't it terrify you? I guess I really admire your conviction to state this so boldly and really seek to pursue this hope, to wait for God to transform Chris... Maybe me and G's situation is different because we are still sharing a home, but I have this terrible fear that G will never allow God to work in his heart and transform him, and that is sometimes why I look to divorce.. it's like I'm saying that I have to take things into my own hands, which is terrifying and certainly not the best path. It is sometimes hard to be sharing a home with my prodigal when he is so very far from what I see as a God-centered marriage. I don't have the option to disappear, in the same sense. (And I don't at all mean to insinuate that my situation is more challenging than that of those of you who don't have your prodigal at home - I recognize that that is incredibly difficult! Just that there are different challenges, I suppose). Aww man, now I'm rambling. I think I wanted to just offer my support and encouragement and admiration and say, I think you are doing great, Sharon. I know this is all very hard, but I am so proud of you for clinging to God and continually pursuing His plans for your life. And I will continue to support you in prayer, sister. And through conversation here on the forum too :-) |
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Jun 9, 2018 12:49:56 GMT -5
Also, Sharon, as for feeling broken, like a mess, damaged... look at my profile picture. Remember that God restores the broken! He loves you and He will heal you and give you a new identity in Him.
"After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." (1 Peter 5:10)
|
|
|
|
Post by pstokes522 on Jun 14, 2018 8:49:31 GMT -5
It’s been five years now since I was feeling so lonely and thinking there was ‘more out there’ and out there somewhere there was ‘someone who wanted to be with me and spend time with me’. There was so much distance between me and David and all my attempts to fix it failed miserably. So I asked David for a separation. I’m not trying to blame myself, I don’t know if this was part of God’s plan or if He is making beauty out of ashes, but He used this separation (& now divorce) to change me and heal me. I’m not there yet - but some things have healed. I can’t confidently state my worth and beauty in God like Sharon can - yet. But I will get there.
Sometimes God has to completely break something to put it back together correctly. I don’t know Adrienne if God is wanting you to continue this battle for this marriage at this time, or if He wants to heal you first and also change G. Only God can direct you - you need to seek him. I do know for a fact that He wants you to continue to intercede for G - because He wants ALL to come to Him.
It wasn’t too long into my separation that God spoke to me and told me that He is who was missing in my life and that I had made an idol out of David and my marriage. I told this to David, but he had been so intrenched in sin for so long, and already had OW long before I ever asked for the separation, so everything I said to him fell on deaf ears.
God is still healing me. Somethings just take longer than others I guess, but I can honestly say that I don’t think about another man or starting over with someone else. I know my situation is different than y’alls - I’m much older and already a grandmother. I haven’t had any communication with David since he called me to say he was getting married. I know the times I was intimate with him before his marriage was a mistake. I thought I was showing him unconditional love and forgiveness - and maybe I was to him - but not to myself. I didn’t respect myself and what we had was no more than a cheap one night stand. I now realize that God wants more for me. He doesn’t just want my marriage restored - He wants to truly change David - which is what I want also - because I don’t want to go back to my old marriage. And I knew this all before, but David called and I threw it all away and went running to him, like the end game was a restored marriage rather than a healing and transformation of Pat and David and there marriage. I’d rather spend the next 30 years alone - just me and Jesus - than to settle for anything less.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Jun 14, 2018 18:06:17 GMT -5
I want friends that will push me forward towards Christ, not distract me from him. I think I was using those guys to distract me from Chris. God told me today something I need to keep remembering. Yeah, I’d like my husband back, but if he isn’t the man God made him to be, I don’t want him today. I’ll wait until he’s who God plans to make him thanks. And I have everything I need plus that! Sharon, I am catching up on your posts about what's been going on recently and I really connect with these two things that you said. I totally understand this desire for escape and distraction. I think that's exactly what I've been chasing lately with this dangerous daydream about getting divorced and finding someone else, someone "better." I love TK's response and encouragement... she's so right: instead of looking to be distracted we need to look to God... I know on my end I am looking for distraction because I don't want to deal with the challenge of the uncertainty, insecurity, pain, fear, etc. But I also know (in my head, my heart's not convinced) that if I face those feelings and give them to God, I will grow closer to Him and move farther into His perfect plans for me. I am still working on this. I guess my point is: let's keep watch for these temptations to distract ourselves and escape and help each other turn away and turn back to God and His plans. I will be praying for you in this area, sister. Also, what you said about "I don't want my husband today if he isn't the man God made him to be" ---- yes!!!! I completely get that and agree with it, on a logical level. But emotionally, doesn't it terrify you? I guess I really admire your conviction to state this so boldly and really seek to pursue this hope, to wait for God to transform Chris... Maybe me and G's situation is different because we are still sharing a home, but I have this terrible fear that G will never allow God to work in his heart and transform him, and that is sometimes why I look to divorce.. it's like I'm saying that I have to take things into my own hands, which is terrifying and certainly not the best path. It is sometimes hard to be sharing a home with my prodigal when he is so very far from what I see as a God-centered marriage. I don't have the option to disappear, in the same sense. (And I don't at all mean to insinuate that my situation is more challenging than that of those of you who don't have your prodigal at home - I recognize that that is incredibly difficult! Just that there are different challenges, I suppose). Aww man, now I'm rambling. I think I wanted to just offer my support and encouragement and admiration and say, I think you are doing great, Sharon. I know this is all very hard, but I am so proud of you for clinging to God and continually pursuing His plans for your life. And I will continue to support you in prayer, sister. And through conversation here on the forum too :-) Adrienne, I don’t at all think that your situation or my situation or any of our situations are harder or easier. God calls us all to our difficulties and gives us to the strength to push through them so don’t worry! No offense at all! In fact, thinking back to the last 9 years....sometimes I really wonder how I lasted that long with my in home prodigal. Divorce is a new place for me, but I’m finding the joy in it and I am grateful to have the man out of my home. Lol who ever thought I would say that?! But I know this is one step closer to restoration and more importantly, Chris coming to know the Lord. It’s worth it all for that. And sister I don’t know the way for you. I wish I could tell you what to do or not do, but each of our paths, though they end in the same place of restoration, are al unique and have their own difficulties and pain. God is building us all into the people he needs us to be. I’m so grateful for this amazing group. |
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Jun 14, 2018 18:16:55 GMT -5
It’s been five years now since I was feeling so lonely and thinking there was ‘more out there’ and out there somewhere there was ‘someone who wanted to be with me and spend time with me’. There was so much distance between me and David and all my attempts to fix it failed miserably. So I asked David for a separation. I’m not trying to blame myself, I don’t know if this was part of God’s plan or if He is making beauty out of ashes, but He used this separation (& now divorce) to change me and heal me. I’m not there yet - but some things have healed. I can’t confidently state my worth and beauty in God like Sharon can - yet. But I will get there. Sometimes God has to completely break something to put it back together correctly. I don’t know Adrienne if God is wanting you to continue this battle for this marriage at this time, or if He wants to heal you first and also change G. Only God can direct you - you need to seek him. I do know for a fact that He wants you to continue to intercede for G - because He wants ALL to come to Him. It wasn’t too long into my separation that God spoke to me and told me that He is who was missing in my life and that I had made an idol out of David and my marriage. I told this to David, but he had been so intrenched in sin for so long, and already had OW long before I ever asked for the separation, so everything I said to him fell on deaf ears. God is still healing me. Somethings just take longer than others I guess, but I can honestly say that I don’t think about another man or starting over with someone else. I know my situation is different than y’alls - I’m much older and already a grandmother. I haven’t had any communication with David since he called me to say he was getting married. I know the times I was intimate with him before his marriage was a mistake. I thought I was showing him unconditional love and forgiveness - and maybe I was to him - but not to myself. I didn’t respect myself and what we had was no more than a cheap one night stand. I now realize that God wants more for me. He doesn’t just want my marriage restored - He wants to truly change David - which is what I want also - because I don’t want to go back to my old marriage. And I knew this all before, but David called and I threw it all away and went running to him, like the end game was a restored marriage rather than a healing and transformation of Pat and David and there marriage. I’d rather spend the next 30 years alone - just me and Jesus - than to settle for anything less. Pat I love you so much and can I please say that what you told us about you being intimate with David. Sister I am blessed that you shared that when you did, because when Chris came around doing the same thing, I remembered what David had said to you about hooking up once in a while even though he is married and I realized Chris is the same way and that I didn’t want to have sex with him. I was able to resist for a long time and it was because you shared and gave me the strength. Sister, you have helped me in so many ways and I really love you for how willing you are to help. God is using you in my life sister. Thank you |
|
