Updates!

Thank you for posting this, Sharon! I have missed you all lately too. January has been an intense month.

School started back and it has been a hard first few weeks. I'm teaching another new class and it's about a topic that I really care about (immigration), which is great, but the book we're using isn't very good so it's easy for me to spend way too much time lesson planning. I'm also applying for fellowships for next year (which should be my last year in the PhD program), which takes a lot of time. Meanwhile, my dissertation is on the back burner but I really need to get working on it.

I've been having some doubts about my church and just generally not feeling very connected there. I have been given some special parts lately which is encouraging and inspiring (during January, I gave a sermon at a regular service and also a teaching at a Saturday women's meeting), but I have also been frustrated with the negative and critical environment there at times. This has been a long-term problem but I have always felt led to stay there and try to be a positive voice. But with school being so busy the past several months, I haven't been as invested in my relationship with God so I guess that lessens my patience with the negative aspects of my church... still, I'm questioning whether I should stay there or try to find a new church. Right now I'm not feeling very motivated to do either - I guess I'm just not really "feeling" church lately, but I know that just stopping going anywhere altogether is not a good option.

G and I also had some ugly moments in January. We had a couple of big fights and seriously discussed either separation temporarily or getting divorced. We resolved the more recent argument by agreeing that we'll give it one more good try (we laid everything bare that we saw wrong in the relationship) and if we can't work out our differences we'll get separated. I've never considered divorce/separation so seriously, but I feel like I can't keep having these dramatic blow-ups where I am begging him not to get divorced. And maybe this was a good thing anyway, because since then (about two weeks ago), we've actually been doing a lot better and have felt more connected.

So that's me. It's been a rough start to the new year, and I have been feeling somewhat discouraged. I am happy to see the changes that are happening between me and G and praying that it continues positively. But I am also feeling convicted to figure out how to reconnect with God and get back on track with Him despite being so busy with school.

I would love to hear from everyone else. I've been distant on here what with being so busy, but I peek in at least every few days even if it takes me longer than that to respond. And you guys continue to be in my thoughts and prayers every day <3