Post by Sharon on Dec 27, 2017 1:01:02 GMT -5
I felt Gods calling on my heart early this morning. To be respectful. To do this race together. With Chris. To invite him home. I was afraid. Either he says yes and comes home and he hasn't changed. Or maybe he says no and I am rejected again. Either way God, this is a bad idea. But the Lord kept pressing and I felt His great peace.
I prayed. And He told me it doesn't matter what his response is. What matters is what I choose to do. My obedience. Regardless, God will use this moment. I am clothed with Stength and Dignity. I laugh without fear of the future.
I called him. He was getting off the plane at DIA. I asked if he could talk and he said yes. I told him, "I feel God is calling me to invite you to come home." He answered. "I can't." "That's okay!" I answered him. "It's an open invitation. Whenever you want to." He answered genuinely "Thank you."
We got off the phone. The tears started falling. The fear started creeping in. God why? Why did you have me do this very difficult thing? He responded as I expected. He rejected me again. He probably has another girlfriend again. He probably doesn't love me anymore. And Gods answer was peace. Courage. Strength.
Beloved daughter. You did what I called you to do. You faced the Lion. You went toward, into, and through it. I will fight for you my child. This might look like a set back, but I am simply pulling you back against the bow string. I am setting you up to have an amazing impact. Fear not. It is I. Take courage.
Since then, the kids and I have talked to Chris twice more tonight. He talked to Christian for a while then he and I started talking. At the end of that conversation I told him I loved him again. He responded, almost reluctantly, that he loves me too. Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have pressed hearing that. Maybe it was me being selfish and needy. Because I've said it for 2 days in a row to him with no response. But I don't have to receive from him to give to him and I guess I forgot that. I want to be loving, not needy. Giving of the Spirit that is overflowing from me, not of the need in me to receive love back. I don't need his love. I have Gods already and it is better than anything else this world can offer.
Please keep me in prayers. We are supposed to have a "second Christmas" on Sunday for New Year's Eve. I don't want to approach Chris anymore with my needs or desires. Every interaction, I need the Lord in it with me. I need to approach him from a place of being completely filled and satisfied with the Lord. I was blessed to be sick today (I know I sound crazy), because my sister watched my kids and I was able to sit down and sit still and fast the whole day and pray and read the word and it was an amazing day with the Lord. I don't know what God is doing or what His plans are. I just know that I feel full and satisfied. That God is good and he is my husband. That I love Chris, but I don't idolize him anymore and I also don't hate him either. I had to realize how God sees me. I just need prayers that He continues to strengthen me and give me dignity. That I will not be afraid of the future. That fear leads to control issues. No, my future is in Gods hands.
I prayed. And He told me it doesn't matter what his response is. What matters is what I choose to do. My obedience. Regardless, God will use this moment. I am clothed with Stength and Dignity. I laugh without fear of the future.
I called him. He was getting off the plane at DIA. I asked if he could talk and he said yes. I told him, "I feel God is calling me to invite you to come home." He answered. "I can't." "That's okay!" I answered him. "It's an open invitation. Whenever you want to." He answered genuinely "Thank you."
We got off the phone. The tears started falling. The fear started creeping in. God why? Why did you have me do this very difficult thing? He responded as I expected. He rejected me again. He probably has another girlfriend again. He probably doesn't love me anymore. And Gods answer was peace. Courage. Strength.
Beloved daughter. You did what I called you to do. You faced the Lion. You went toward, into, and through it. I will fight for you my child. This might look like a set back, but I am simply pulling you back against the bow string. I am setting you up to have an amazing impact. Fear not. It is I. Take courage.
Since then, the kids and I have talked to Chris twice more tonight. He talked to Christian for a while then he and I started talking. At the end of that conversation I told him I loved him again. He responded, almost reluctantly, that he loves me too. Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have pressed hearing that. Maybe it was me being selfish and needy. Because I've said it for 2 days in a row to him with no response. But I don't have to receive from him to give to him and I guess I forgot that. I want to be loving, not needy. Giving of the Spirit that is overflowing from me, not of the need in me to receive love back. I don't need his love. I have Gods already and it is better than anything else this world can offer.
Please keep me in prayers. We are supposed to have a "second Christmas" on Sunday for New Year's Eve. I don't want to approach Chris anymore with my needs or desires. Every interaction, I need the Lord in it with me. I need to approach him from a place of being completely filled and satisfied with the Lord. I was blessed to be sick today (I know I sound crazy), because my sister watched my kids and I was able to sit down and sit still and fast the whole day and pray and read the word and it was an amazing day with the Lord. I don't know what God is doing or what His plans are. I just know that I feel full and satisfied. That God is good and he is my husband. That I love Chris, but I don't idolize him anymore and I also don't hate him either. I had to realize how God sees me. I just need prayers that He continues to strengthen me and give me dignity. That I will not be afraid of the future. That fear leads to control issues. No, my future is in Gods hands.
