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Post by Sharon on Mar 10, 2016 16:46:40 GMT -5
Today has been so rough. We had a good morning then got in a fight about him being out of the house again. I told him I will know when he has made changes. That God is our shepherd and we are his sheep and I am trying to follow the shepherd but he is following whatever he wants. Sometimes me, sometimes another sheep, sometimes he's off on the cliff somewhere. I told him I will be happy to follow the shepherd with him, but if he is not going after him, I'm leaving him behind. He said I act like I do no wrong and I said we have all sinned and fall short of Gods glory but I have accepted Gods mercy and grace and he is refusing it. He was angry and hung up and I told him later that he is going to lose me if he keeps going the way he is going and his kids and his comforts and all of it. He was packing his stuff and told me to just divorce him. I told him I am here when he needs to talk and I left and he left shortly after me. I texted him and said I won't stand in the way of what he wants. I'm scared because he is so angry - I am scared he will run back into his sin, but I am trusting God and He has given me this amazing peace. He knows the plan and it is for good and so I am trusting that.
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Post by tkk2 on Mar 10, 2016 22:14:15 GMT -5
I've had peace since the day i decided to make a stand. It is a gift from god....so amazing isn't it? !!
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Post by Sharon on Mar 11, 2016 9:07:53 GMT -5
I do costume design/building for theatre and my show opened last night. He said he would be there, but didn't make it. He texted me halfway through and told me he was asleep. I was a bit hurt because he knows how much work goes into this and how much it means to me, but I'm keeping my head up. He asked me to come over after to eat with him, so I did (left my son with my parents and just took the baby). We sat and talked in his room for a while and hugged and I prayed over him, his room, and his car. He was receptive to all of that! He asked if I would stay the night with him, and I said I would, but that I wouldn't make it a habit. He said if I wouldn't make it a habit, then lets not start now, and helped me take the baby to the car. I keep having to remember to be a loving hand extended not grasping. I wanted to insist on staying and just pray over him all night, but I know God was leading that decision, so I am good. I trust God and know he has a plan here. Thank you all for the outpour of prayer. God is so good and has helped me feel so peaceful. I am keeping all of you in prayer today.
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Post by Eric W. on Mar 11, 2016 16:16:03 GMT -5
That is awesome, Sharon. I struggle with not grasping as well. I used to text her every night telling her g'night and that I love her, and I have stopped since last weekend. I realized that I was grasping for her to say she loved me back. I haven't talked to her at all since the end of last week. And I have to fight myself some nights not to grab my phone and send the text. I have to trust and have faith that she knows I love her, and be open when she reaches out.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 17:33:53 GMT -5
That's awesome Eric!
Seems like a lot of us are stepping out of our comfort zone & trusting God!
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Peace
Mar 12, 2016 1:35:36 GMT -5
Post by Sharon on Mar 12, 2016 1:35:36 GMT -5
It is so hard. He texted me around 3 today to ask if he can move back in. I called and talked to him - asked where he was going and he said he was going to the house to shower. I said I was heading to the house soon, so maybe we would run into each other. He said not to worry, that he wasn't going to stay and I didn't respond. Not what he wanted to hear. He said never mind, that he would shower at the hotel. I asked him if he was angry at me and he said he was sort of angry. I didn't understand and he said that he was mad that he was not living in the house right now. I think he is also mad that he's not with me and the kids although he won't admit that.
I shared that devotional on the devotional page about having God right in your heart, not just in appearance. I know God is shouting something at me about this, because at church tonight, the sermon was covering Mark 7 - talking again about the Pharisees and how they wore Godly action as their outside appearance, but it was all for appearance. Their hearts were not right with God. I need to pray more about this, because I am not sure why God is sharing this with me. The pastor talked about being in close proximity and yet being universes away - you can be in the same room and not in communion with that person. Jesus desires pure inner motives. Maybe God is telling me that my motives aren't right? I am not sure...
One thing he did share - there was this quiet meek woman who had a difficult 17 year old son. He kept telling her he hated her and he was going to run away and she mourned over that, but one day he actually left. She called the police and searched for a month for him and one day, he came knocking on the door and came home. When he came though, he brushed past her to his room and locked the door and when she came to the door to tell him she loved him and would he please come out, he told her to go away and he hated her. She came back several times like this, before she went to the garage, got a hammer, and tore through the door to get to her son and gave him a hug. He talked about how a hard heart is no match for God, who can and will rip through the door to get to his prodigal children. I realized that I am not at all in that story. It's not my job to rip down the door - that's Gods job. My job is to stand aside while he does it. I was listening to "This world has nothing for me. This life is not my own." God is screaming at me to stay out of the way. I want so badly to crawl into Chris's arms and resume life as normal. No, Chris is not for me. He is Gods child, not mine and I am giving him up for his sake. This life is not my own. Not Chris's life and not my own life. I am just being obedient. It's like Chris is in rehab right now. He's having withdrawals. He said he was angry today. He's mad at me yes, but he's very mad at himself. He wants to come home an he tried fighting, blaming, guilting, but he has to go through this. I am also a fixer and want to just fix it for him, but he got himself into this addiction and he has to fight through this with God now.
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