|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 22, 2017 12:10:39 GMT -5
Our final paperwork is due on December 7th. With everything that has happened recently and that God is cracking open Chris's heart, I have been seriously considering not putting in the paperwork and just letting the divorce fall through. I don't want to step on Gods toes anymore though, so I have been intently praying for direction. The fact that you Leanna mentioned you don't believe Gods will is for divorce is madly encouraging to me. I am going to read through the word and pray again about this. I do think though that Gods law permitted divorce in cases of adultery, because of a hard heart. At this point though, I don't think Chris or I either have a hard heart anymore. We are both open to the hope for restoration and want to build our foundation on God. I still think we need to be separated. God is doing a lot of work on him and on me that He otherwise couldn't do, but I am wondering if I just need to let the divorce fall through. Pray for me please and anyone's advice on this would be welcome.
I am just taking it one day at a time with the Lord, the most powerful.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 22, 2017 19:09:06 GMT -5
I prayed about it and heard God telling me to be still. And as I'm going through emails deleting old things, I found photos of Chris and other women I had saved from years ago and it stirred up so much anger and hatred in me. I don't know if that was God or the enemy, but either way...I am not going to stop this divorce for now. I am going to sit back and be still and stop trying to change things.
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Nov 24, 2017 21:38:49 GMT -5
Praying for you, Sharon.
|
|
|
|
Post by leanna72 on Nov 25, 2017 1:02:04 GMT -5
I responded earlier to the previous thread but something else comes to mind here too that has been playing in my head lately it's a phrase that stuck with me from a sermom I believe "The devil has no new tricks."
The devils goal is to destroy marriages. Especially ones where God is the center or becoming the center. I believe that this was a spiritual attack.
Have faith keep listening filter through the word and remember there is always time there is no rush. God can still restore no matter what. Through divorce without a divorce anything. I agree with you that being hasty can slow the process down. To be Still is difficult but very precious. I encourage you to let the divorce fall through, that is my gut and opinion. Especially if you are not certain that it is the will of God or what you truly want. It can be so difficult. I understand this and can relate on such a deep level. During one time where I was very discouraged I called the prayer line for rejoice ministries and received a call back and very encouraging voicemail. I asked if a divorce was needed for healing of our hearts and relationship and the response I heard was a definite no. God does not need a worldly divorce to restore a marriage that HE in heaven created.
Keep strong! Keep praying and please understand I do not judge your desire for a divorce. Walking this line of standing is the most challenging thing I have ever done.
With love and prayers, Leanna
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 25, 2017 10:22:58 GMT -5
Leanna, thank you so much for responding again and sister, once again you are right. I swing too far in one direction and then in the other. I am still conflicted, but that you think it is not right, that my main reason was the hardened heart - which is no longer a reason. That Chris and I have discussed getting remarried after the divorce. God, give me a real piece of Hope...heavenly Hope...if you want me to move and stop this.
Honestly I just had a thought....if I am completely still....we have not turned in all of our paperwork yet and if I don't turn it in, it delays the divorce. If they don't have it by a certain point, they dismiss the case. Maybe God asking me to be still means don't move forward anymore with the divorce (turn in anything else or take the parenting class) and don't actively cancel it either (go to the clerk and cancel the paperwork). If I am completely still and do nothing, I believe it will fall through on its own for the lack of all the necessary paperwork. I'm just going to wait here. Pray for me that direction continues from the Lord. Thank you guys
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 25, 2017 19:56:49 GMT -5
So much is happening recently. I don't really know how to explain it all. I quit my job at my dads business that I've been working at for 8 years and I have an interview at a church tomorrow for an administrative assistant position! I am over ecstatic about this change. My job has been difficult and stressful and a big plague on my family life. My sister can be very difficult and my family is highly demanding because it is a family business (my dad and mom started the company), so it's been hard. All these years Chris has asked me to leave the job. I told him a few days ago that I quit. Today he told me he was mad at me that we got to this place and then I decide to quit when he's wanted it for so long. I told him no, I got to this place because of the divorce. I needed to realize that he was right. We talked about our future again today and agreed that we should stay separated, but both decided that "be still" was the right decision. Not to pursue the divorce any further and also not pursue restoration. To take this time to let God do the work he is doing on each of us. He said he is really learning well how to do a budget and he has a great appreciation for how much stress I was under all these years because of our finances. This is where God is beginning on him. And on me, he's teaching me how to submit. He talked about going somewhere else with the military. I talked about our future, that the kids and I could go with him and I could do a minimum wage job with my vacation rental. All just talking...ideas. We agreed not to do anything actively. To just sit back and pray and let God do what He is doing and trust him. So I am asking for prayer for this church interview tomorrow. The phone interview went so well today and the pastor really liked me a lot. My family is giving up a day on this road trip to get me back in time for it. I feel so blessed right now and I pray that if this is the right job for me, that God will make it happen.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on Nov 26, 2017 7:50:26 GMT -5
Praying for the Lord to guide your path....i think he is opening a door!
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Nov 26, 2017 16:36:55 GMT -5
I just saw this Sharon - I'm praying for God to guide you both! It sounds like you are really trying to seek out His will and I also appreciate the very open communication you are having with Chris. Let us know what happens with the interview!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 26, 2017 22:10:01 GMT -5
Hey guys. The interview went very well today and the pastor told me he would have the head of that department call me Tuesday to schedule another interview. I did like the church too, but not as much as my current church. It would also be a pay cut. My dad told me this morning that he was concerned about the financial aspects of a new job. I have to take that opinion lightly, because a lot of it is self motivated, but it's good to know his perspective. When I talked to Chris about it today, he was also happy about the job until he found out it was a pay cut and a small church. He said that he doesn't want me to be financially strained and dependent on my vacation rental for my income. I think that has to do with him wanting me to move back into the house to be away from my parents so that is also self motivated to a degree, but he also said that he knows how much I love our church and he feels like there is a job in our church for me so that I don't have to change churches. He knows right now l feel like this is the only stability I have left in my life. That reasoning did mean more to me. Please pray for wisdom and direction in regards to this job. My mom said she doesn't think I should leave the business but I told her I am not planning for my life to stay in the business anymore, but maybe now is not the right time, but down the line I won't be running this business forever. That is just a fact...I know some of her feelings are self motivated too for the sake of the business. God...what do you want me to do? Yours is the only opinion that really matters.
Chris and I kissed again and held hands, but I was so upset and conflicted when I left. We talked a lot and again, so much of what he was saying....he's not there. We agreed we are separated. Not divorced. We're not going to continue the divorce, but we're not actively seeking each other. I texted him after I left and told him that being "just friends" was clearly not working and I keep falling in love every time I see him and taking on all this heart break. I told him we can be just friends, but we can't be in love right now and I am going to withdraw again to a degree. He said he doesn't want me to be hurt, so he understands.
And when I was praying on my way home, I got a word from God. I wrote this in my journal - I prayed Lord if he could only give up his vices I would know he loves me and loves you. How can he love You or me if he loves himself so much? How can he love You or me if he won't give these up? And you answered me "How can you love me if you won't give up your idol?" Okay God. I give up. You can have him! Not for his sake, but because I love you. I will prove that I love you by giving you the blood. Now you provide the thunder. Amen
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 27, 2017 8:41:52 GMT -5
Yeah, I screwed up. I was selfish and I back slid. But a back slide doesn't mean just give up. It doesn't mean starting over from scratch. It simply means change course back to the right direction and let's continue. Track it and move on as they like to say in weight watchers. God I am sorry I stepped on your toes again. Please use it for your glory and please help me to move forward in your will. Amen
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Nov 27, 2017 10:53:38 GMT -5
Thanks for letting us know about hte interview, Sharon! It is good that it went well - just keep praying for God's guidance about it. Would you necessarily have to leave your church for the new one if you got the job there? (Could you attend both, perhaps?) It is so hard to make decisions like this when finances and a stressful working environment (at the family business) are factors too... but God has a perfect plan for you; just keep praying so He can guide you. And I think it's good to also solicit advice from loved ones as long as you are wise and discerning about it, and praying also.
As for everything going on with Chris, don't beat yourself up too much. I know this is a struggle as you are figuring out how to handle this new phase in your relationship. I'm not sure how else to advise you, because it seems to me that you are already recognizing what you need to do: seek God out more, put Him first, and stop idolizing your husband. "Eyes on God" as we always say. I have been thinking about doing a fast or special Bible study or something, because I need to get back on track and God-focused again, so maybe that is something we can do as a group. I will continue praying for you!
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 27, 2017 23:37:16 GMT -5
Adrienne, I would love to do a group Bible Study! I think that would be excellent for all of us...maybe getting on the page a certain time once a week and go through a specific study together? What did you have in mind? But yeah, I'm on board! So as far as Chris and I are concerned, I was praying this morning and made a list of rules for myself. For Chris and also for my family. Only 2-3 conversations per day (other than obviously work chatter at work with my sister). If it's a phone or in person conversation, limit it to 15-20 minutes. A text message needs to be limited to 12-15 messages. Nothing intimate should be discussed. Keep it to topics like what the kids are doing, how work is going, or some small decisions that are being made. This is going to be difficult, because Controlling Sharon wants constant updates on "did you go to church this week?" and "Have you started reading that every mans battle book?" or "Did you have a chance to pray today?" None of those are my dang business, but it's the controlling nature in me that God needs to kill! I am grateful, because I did have a moment of frustration at work today with my sister and I stepped out for a moment and asked if God would let Chris answer the phone only if He wanted me to talk to him. I called Chris, fully expecting him not to answer, but he answered after the first ring and I was surprised. He asked why I was surprised and I told him about that prayer and so I talked to him a little about my decision with this church job. I had prayed last night about it and felt God telling me to "Be Still" which I don't like that answer. I want to jump up and run and go and do right now and I don't like to wait. But I was certain that I heard Be Still and Chris told me he really thinks I should listen to that. That although he likes the idea of me getting a new job, this job doesn't sound like the right one in his opinion. My sister also pointed out to me that before God was telling me to "move out of His way". Now that I am out of His way with Chris, He has been telling me to "Be Still". I have been struggling with hearing him, but then again...He gave me an answer. Maybe it's not the one I want to hear, but He already gave it, so why should He keep speaking? He has a plan and my job is to BE STILL and sit back and trust that. God help me, cause you know I am so bad at this. So I think I need to take this progressively. I need to find full time daycare for my baby first, that is not my mom. I have her on a waiting list for Christians daycare that he used to be in and they have an opening coming up in February, so I am praying that will be a real place for her and I can get her started into preschool. Once I have that taken care of, I might have to wait a few more months (my sister is having her baby in April and I think I should be in the business still so she can take a few weeks off). Once she is finished with her maternity leave, I think I will be okay to leave. And Chris really encouraged me, telling me he thinks I am thinking too small. That I could go work anywhere. I should apply at law firms as an administrative assistant or work at a military base. I don't think I'm that good, but he really is such an encouragement. Anyways...Unfortunately that's all a big distraction though. I am trying to learn who I am and how God sees me. It's hard. I know in my brain that He loves me and He sees me as beautiful and smart and worthy. But in my heart, I feel very worthless. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can never do better than this business and I am lucky to have a job at all. I know that I am not worthless, but I do feel that way and it's going to take God breaking through all that negative crap to get me back. Thanks guys so much for reading all my garbage recently and for praying. I love you all so much. Also, one more side note. Has anyone spoken to William or Mary recently? I tried to text and call William a few months ago and couldn't reach him and I don't have Mary's number anymore or I would reach out. Have you all tried to contact them? |
|
