Post by Sharon on Nov 20, 2017 20:26:38 GMT -5
I am so sorry for all the crazy updates. For all the good y'all like to say I can be, I am really needy lol. Thanks for tolerating my craziness guys.
So after the moment of spontaneous passion with Chris yesterday, I talked to him again today. I told him if I become distant, not to think I don't care or regret things. God is working on me right now to break a chain of codependency. Somehow I've just realized that I have this in me. Chris said thanks for telling him, because he would have started to get worried. But he said he wants me to come to him with my issues and he wants me to take them to God first of course, but he wants to be involved in caring for me. That he doesn't want to lose me. I understand and I have this tendency to swing wildly to one side or the other and think we can't talk at all or we have to be madly in love. I don't think God is going to just let me abandon my heart for this man. But I know I can't keep idolizing and depending so deeply on his love. Especially, I can't keep letting him get away with everything and not suffering consequences. And he doesn't want that. He wants me to let him try and fail at things if it gets to that. So...somehow I feel peace like we are getting to a better place. We are still going through this divorce right now. But he has started talking about God and praying. He took home every mans battle last night and is going to read it. And I am praying with God and going to work on these codependency issues. Giving them up to the Lord and giving him control. I know if God would break this off of me, I would be in a healthy place to have a real relationship. The way I am right now....no there is no way.
So yes, the divorce is still on right now. The picture God gave me was that he was going to redeem Chris out of the storm and set him on a rock by himself. He and I are not supposed to be together right now. We both agree that this is best. But he also has decided not to date anyone else, even though he knows he could. And obviously I am not going to either. I'm waiting for my soul mate.
Guys sorry...I know this is complicated and convoluted and doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm still processing everything. But I know you guys will understand more than anyone else what is happening here. Keep praying for Chris and pray for me. Pray that God will remove these desperate codependency chains from me and that instead my dependency would be on God. Truly I want that most.
So after the moment of spontaneous passion with Chris yesterday, I talked to him again today. I told him if I become distant, not to think I don't care or regret things. God is working on me right now to break a chain of codependency. Somehow I've just realized that I have this in me. Chris said thanks for telling him, because he would have started to get worried. But he said he wants me to come to him with my issues and he wants me to take them to God first of course, but he wants to be involved in caring for me. That he doesn't want to lose me. I understand and I have this tendency to swing wildly to one side or the other and think we can't talk at all or we have to be madly in love. I don't think God is going to just let me abandon my heart for this man. But I know I can't keep idolizing and depending so deeply on his love. Especially, I can't keep letting him get away with everything and not suffering consequences. And he doesn't want that. He wants me to let him try and fail at things if it gets to that. So...somehow I feel peace like we are getting to a better place. We are still going through this divorce right now. But he has started talking about God and praying. He took home every mans battle last night and is going to read it. And I am praying with God and going to work on these codependency issues. Giving them up to the Lord and giving him control. I know if God would break this off of me, I would be in a healthy place to have a real relationship. The way I am right now....no there is no way.
So yes, the divorce is still on right now. The picture God gave me was that he was going to redeem Chris out of the storm and set him on a rock by himself. He and I are not supposed to be together right now. We both agree that this is best. But he also has decided not to date anyone else, even though he knows he could. And obviously I am not going to either. I'm waiting for my soul mate.
Guys sorry...I know this is complicated and convoluted and doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm still processing everything. But I know you guys will understand more than anyone else what is happening here. Keep praying for Chris and pray for me. Pray that God will remove these desperate codependency chains from me and that instead my dependency would be on God. Truly I want that most.