Post by tkk2 on Nov 18, 2017 6:57:03 GMT -5
Im very sad and hurt this week. Had a marriage counseling session with Dana. We haven't been going as much, maybe every 3 months or so.
His anger was unleashed on me again, like it was on day one. I feel so discouraged. The counselor even had to step in on my defense. He said couseling will have peaks and valleys...and we're back in a valley.
I told Dana he is selfish and i am done. He says he just has to "get his words out"...really? Like....i wasn't listening the last 10 times? I feel like he is rubbing my nose in it...over and over. He is so stuck in an unforgiving, "poor me" world. He's absolutely miserable and its my fault....just ask him. There's a few new twists now though....he accused me of not prying more into his anger 20 yrs ago, early in the marriage. Because maybe i could have helped. The way he said this to me....i think he truly despises me....and that hurts. It feels like all the progress is gone in one sweep.
And then there is my family...he attacked each one of them.
He's livid about a comment my mom made 20 yrs ago when we were looking to buy our 2nd home. He's mad because this is not the house he wanted...my mom apparently told him "well, this is the house that Timi wants". I think he feels left out of the decision, but that is not how i remember it. I honestly dont even remember my parents being around, much less makung a comment.
He keeps bringing up these old hurts....he refuses to forgive. And then he wonders why he's stuck and has "nothing to show at age 56". ...his words.
I told him that i felt like he lied to me ...in a way....by never telling me about his severe childhood abuse. He accused me of always wanting the last word and wanting to be "more right" than him. I just cant win.
I told him how hurt i was that he left town the day of my sugery a couple weeks ago. He had a choice....it was pleasure trip to see his brother in Washington. Looking back over the last 3 yrs since we separated, i see now that he bails out and leaves town to avoid holidays, anniversaries, birthday etc....definitely a pattern. He says we never became one-flesh, because we never fight. Like he is trying to justify that the marriage should have never happened. The enemy lies to him! And it breaks my heart to see him so broken....im in tears writing this. My heart hurts for him....that is one-flesh!
He is blinded and decieved and it hurts me.
I feel the spiritual battle raging. I am weary...im not at the top of my game physically as i recover from accident. God is my defense. ...thank goodness.
His anger was unleashed on me again, like it was on day one. I feel so discouraged. The counselor even had to step in on my defense. He said couseling will have peaks and valleys...and we're back in a valley.
I told Dana he is selfish and i am done. He says he just has to "get his words out"...really? Like....i wasn't listening the last 10 times? I feel like he is rubbing my nose in it...over and over. He is so stuck in an unforgiving, "poor me" world. He's absolutely miserable and its my fault....just ask him. There's a few new twists now though....he accused me of not prying more into his anger 20 yrs ago, early in the marriage. Because maybe i could have helped. The way he said this to me....i think he truly despises me....and that hurts. It feels like all the progress is gone in one sweep.
And then there is my family...he attacked each one of them.
He's livid about a comment my mom made 20 yrs ago when we were looking to buy our 2nd home. He's mad because this is not the house he wanted...my mom apparently told him "well, this is the house that Timi wants". I think he feels left out of the decision, but that is not how i remember it. I honestly dont even remember my parents being around, much less makung a comment.
He keeps bringing up these old hurts....he refuses to forgive. And then he wonders why he's stuck and has "nothing to show at age 56". ...his words.
I told him that i felt like he lied to me ...in a way....by never telling me about his severe childhood abuse. He accused me of always wanting the last word and wanting to be "more right" than him. I just cant win.
I told him how hurt i was that he left town the day of my sugery a couple weeks ago. He had a choice....it was pleasure trip to see his brother in Washington. Looking back over the last 3 yrs since we separated, i see now that he bails out and leaves town to avoid holidays, anniversaries, birthday etc....definitely a pattern. He says we never became one-flesh, because we never fight. Like he is trying to justify that the marriage should have never happened. The enemy lies to him! And it breaks my heart to see him so broken....im in tears writing this. My heart hurts for him....that is one-flesh!
He is blinded and decieved and it hurts me.
I feel the spiritual battle raging. I am weary...im not at the top of my game physically as i recover from accident. God is my defense. ...thank goodness.
