Post by leanna72 on Nov 8, 2017 4:12:13 GMT -5
Hey there,
It's been a long time since I have updated. The fighting with my in laws from this summer did glaze over following an unexpected passing of Justin's grandfather. (A great man who was a farther-like figure for him) It was a really significant loss. I am both honored to have known him and pained that Pa is gone.
I have remained plugged into my mops group and bible studies. And am greatful to be surrounded by godly friends.
I loose what to say as there have been many changes. Some in myself some in my marriage and some in my family. I am trying hard to be more careful about what I say to whom regardless of whether or not they know my husband personally. I'm really trying to focus on not airing our dirty laundry.
I feel like our couple of months of temporary peace have ended with a new battering of trials. The history of job troubles seems to be repeating itself for which I am terrified and confused. Justin got suspended for no identified reason and I am fearful of a termination happening at the meeting scheduled Thursday morning. I don't want to keep repeating all the trials we have gone through!!!
Another disheartening thing that has left me in shambles is the announcement of my brother and sister in law separating. They have been together since I was 7 and she is the only sister I have really ever known. I feel like this staple of my childhood has unraveled and it is crashing down. My brothers explanation was that she now believes herself to be gay. This has placed a whole secondary layer of confusion and grief to my processing of this information. I am caught between my unpopular biblical preconceptions and the worldly demands for acceptance. My childhood adolescents and adulthood have collided and I am left trying to sort the pieces.
My best friend whom I have possibly spoken about before is also on the brink or divorce with her husband. She is the prodigal in their situation and is tired of waiting to feel differently than she does now. We speak often and I have offered her encouragement to stand in the gap and resources for doing so, but she is reluctant to forgive and heal much like my own husband.
Which leads me to how my marriage is doing. We are ok. Not restored and for a temporary moment not divorcing. There have been amazing movements in our relationship coupled with renewed hurts and angered hearts. Most days it's hard to tell whether things are getting better or worse. I'd love to believe that the direction is positive but I'm not certain that all the evidence would agree. He for now is living under the same roof sleeping in the same bed and at least saying that he is not currently engaging in anything romantic with anyone else.
I did get to go on a mothers retreat at the end of Aug. It was an amazing time with good fellowship and God! I received a word of God that I should share... first a prelude... I have become increasingly more active in a newer local church and have started attending either physically or viewing the online podcast on occasion. (The last attendance to church sermons was early in my childhood.) Well at this retreat my request in prayer was for movement. I was tired of my situation feeling stagnant and hopeless. Little did I know that the previous weeks sermon was titled miracles follow movement. I watched the sermon and oh what a blessing of confirmation. Renewed strength for my stand and encouraged my hurting heart. Along with this development Justin and I have joined a Life group through this church... He admitted to not being ready to submit to God's will and way but acknowledged!!! Next stop tackling Sin! Not totally ready to pull out the fanfare for all the little miracles because I'm almost afraid of contracting them. And some of them I am still in disbelief like wait a non churchgoer doesn't join a couples church small group... pray we can continue to attend!
Sorry for the long lost in my brain fog post. Thanks for praying for us and I think of this group and continue to pray! I just know that we are Under a heavy firing of rapid attack with the marriages around us falling apart and the job situation and finances becoming increasingly more unstable. I am just praying that it does not become exponentially harder.
Love and blessings to you all
Leanna
It's been a long time since I have updated. The fighting with my in laws from this summer did glaze over following an unexpected passing of Justin's grandfather. (A great man who was a farther-like figure for him) It was a really significant loss. I am both honored to have known him and pained that Pa is gone.
I have remained plugged into my mops group and bible studies. And am greatful to be surrounded by godly friends.
I loose what to say as there have been many changes. Some in myself some in my marriage and some in my family. I am trying hard to be more careful about what I say to whom regardless of whether or not they know my husband personally. I'm really trying to focus on not airing our dirty laundry.
I feel like our couple of months of temporary peace have ended with a new battering of trials. The history of job troubles seems to be repeating itself for which I am terrified and confused. Justin got suspended for no identified reason and I am fearful of a termination happening at the meeting scheduled Thursday morning. I don't want to keep repeating all the trials we have gone through!!!
Another disheartening thing that has left me in shambles is the announcement of my brother and sister in law separating. They have been together since I was 7 and she is the only sister I have really ever known. I feel like this staple of my childhood has unraveled and it is crashing down. My brothers explanation was that she now believes herself to be gay. This has placed a whole secondary layer of confusion and grief to my processing of this information. I am caught between my unpopular biblical preconceptions and the worldly demands for acceptance. My childhood adolescents and adulthood have collided and I am left trying to sort the pieces.
My best friend whom I have possibly spoken about before is also on the brink or divorce with her husband. She is the prodigal in their situation and is tired of waiting to feel differently than she does now. We speak often and I have offered her encouragement to stand in the gap and resources for doing so, but she is reluctant to forgive and heal much like my own husband.
Which leads me to how my marriage is doing. We are ok. Not restored and for a temporary moment not divorcing. There have been amazing movements in our relationship coupled with renewed hurts and angered hearts. Most days it's hard to tell whether things are getting better or worse. I'd love to believe that the direction is positive but I'm not certain that all the evidence would agree. He for now is living under the same roof sleeping in the same bed and at least saying that he is not currently engaging in anything romantic with anyone else.
I did get to go on a mothers retreat at the end of Aug. It was an amazing time with good fellowship and God! I received a word of God that I should share... first a prelude... I have become increasingly more active in a newer local church and have started attending either physically or viewing the online podcast on occasion. (The last attendance to church sermons was early in my childhood.) Well at this retreat my request in prayer was for movement. I was tired of my situation feeling stagnant and hopeless. Little did I know that the previous weeks sermon was titled miracles follow movement. I watched the sermon and oh what a blessing of confirmation. Renewed strength for my stand and encouraged my hurting heart. Along with this development Justin and I have joined a Life group through this church... He admitted to not being ready to submit to God's will and way but acknowledged!!! Next stop tackling Sin! Not totally ready to pull out the fanfare for all the little miracles because I'm almost afraid of contracting them. And some of them I am still in disbelief like wait a non churchgoer doesn't join a couples church small group... pray we can continue to attend!
Sorry for the long lost in my brain fog post. Thanks for praying for us and I think of this group and continue to pray! I just know that we are Under a heavy firing of rapid attack with the marriages around us falling apart and the job situation and finances becoming increasingly more unstable. I am just praying that it does not become exponentially harder.
Love and blessings to you all
Leanna
