|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 5, 2017 22:19:42 GMT -5
I am feeling so weak and vulnerable and exposed right now. It's not just Chris anymore, although he isn't helping. Today there was a guy alone at church and he went up to the front for prayer and I felt like I needed to make sure he got prayed for cause I could see he was bout to leave cause the line was long, so I went forward and prayed for him, then took him to one of the pastors of our Friday night church and he prayed for him too. This guy wanted to talk more as I was leaving so we talked for maybe 30 more mins and I invited him to Friday night service and he asked for my number and I gave it to him. It was for me innocent, but I realized afterwards that he was probably thinking it was romantic. I texted my friend Jacqui who volunteers Friday nights with me and told her what was going on and asked if she and her husband could hedge me in in protection if the guy does show, cause I can't be dealing with single men right now and she said she would. She's a good friend. But besides this guy, I just feel like the wolves are all prowling for me. It's like I lost Chris and all these creeps came out. I got another random text today - someone sending a dick pic. From a weird number I do not know. I called Chris crying and asked if it was him and he said it wasn't and I told him I don't understand how this always happens when we are in a fight. He said he didn't know but send him the pic and he would reverse search it. He said he found it on some porn website and the guy lives in the springs. Whether it is some random person or it is Chris, I don't know. But it's making me feel weak and exposed and unprotected. And I know my brother in law also is trying to be protective and kind, but right now it feels like he is being a creeper too. He keeps texting me to make sure I'm okay. Following me around to check on me. He's always been awkward and weird and he has a big heart and I know his intentions are good, but I guess just any attention from any man right now it enough to send me into emotional chaos. I'm hiding in the bathroom right now writing all this. God, when will I start to feel okay again? When will my life start to feel normal? I'm hurting and I am so sad and all these wolves are prowling to eat me. Lord, help me please.
Guys I don't know what to do. I just keep sitting here crying. I feel weak. I feel betrayed and sad. I feel alone and I feel overwhelmed all at once. I feel like people in the world see me as meat or for what they can get out of me. Even my gay friend Steven is being so selfish and breezing over my feelings like they are nothing. I feel broken and I feel like I don't know who I am and like I'm never going to be able to escape this pit of darkness. Pray for me brothers and sisters please. I feel so alone.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 6, 2017 13:39:44 GMT -5
Ugh and it just gets worse today. I mean last night my brother in law telling me he's not on board the Sharon and Chris restoration train and doesn't think I should wait for him. Today my mom pretty much told me that I never had a real marriage and I should just forget him. My dad told me to just get over it.
What is wrong with my family?!?! Even if they absolutely can not support the idea of restoration in our marriage in the future...they really think God is so small that He could never do that....to just tell me to get over my marriage?! My whole life?! All of my plans. All my dreams. The man who I loved. And I'm supposed to "get over it" because "it wasn't a real marriage." What is going on? Why is this happening? I feel so stranded and alone.
|
|
erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81 
|
Post by erika on Nov 7, 2017 0:25:22 GMT -5
I’m praying for you Sharon!! I understand the frustration you’re going thru. I remember the very first time I told my parents about my situation with my husband, and all I got was “ maybe God has someone else for you “ not the answer I was looking for. But I told them from the get go I was standing for my marriage and I just want them to support my decision and if they have anything negative to say about my stand not to say it to me. At first, it was difficult but I started reading my bible and God spoke to me and He reinforced me that I have to stand for my marriage and He would do it in the most random way, that’s how awesome our God is !!. Sharon I know God is in control of your situation, you’re gonna have bad days and God knows it too, but don’t dwell on the negative or bad moments. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Nov 7, 2017 10:19:10 GMT -5
I am praying for you Sharon! I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting and not getting the support you hoped for from your friends and family. :-( Erika is right; this is something that is really hard for a lot of people to understand... but the most important person - GOD - definitely gets it and He will never abandon or forsake you. I encourage you to keep looking to Him and trusting in His plans for you. We all face "wolves" every day in different contexts but we have be like David, who would defend his sheep from the prowling lions, no matter what it took... those sheep are God's treasured plans for our life, and the lions/wolves are the enemy's attempts to ruin them. David got his strength from his faith in the Lord, and that's where we can get our strength too. Stay in prayer but most of all just remember that God's promises ALWAYS come true. God's plans ALWAYS work out for His beloved's good. Don't give into despair... because that whisper that you are alone is not from God, it's from the enemy, and He has been conquered by our amazing God!! I'm sending you a big hug and prayers for wisdom, discernment, and strength.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Nov 7, 2017 16:15:34 GMT -5
Thank you so much Erika and Adrienne. I am still struggling in the middle of this. It doesn't help that I run my families business with my sister and that I am living in my parents basement with my kids right now. To spend so much time around people who won't support my faith and go out of their way to steal my hope. I know that is not their intention! But it is a reality of what is happening and I am struggling. I feel like I have isolated myself from all of my old relationships (my old friends), because they don't really care about me and I am making new friendships. But I keep wandering back to dark places. I know God is working. He is clearly working. I just don't want to spend any more time in this. Maybe the kids and I should move back home? Maybe I should try to get back on with what was my old life before? I honestly am scared to go home. The first time I went home last weekend was to start trying to clean it out to rent it. I spent almost an hour in the closet crying and praying. I am just so deep in the despair and you're right. Adrienne you're right. I can't stay here forever. I just don't know how to get out. I selfishly wish Chris was in despair too, because at least I would know he is heading towards the bottom where he will find God. But he told me before he's "not going to hit rock bottom". God let him be wrong. Let him hit the bottom. Help him find you there.
I wrote a song and have been working on it on my guitar and wanted to share the lyrics here.
E Am C G
You made me
You take me
To the end and that's where you break me
That's where you break me
The devil lies the devil lies
His hooks are so deep
Run away boy, please run away boy
The water is too deep
The waves are pulling, still he's going
Further into the deep
The storm is roaring, the waters turning
But he is laughing
Turn my eyes, Lord turn my eyes
I can not bear to see
Turn away, just turn away
Walk away from the sea
Turn away look away
Don't look don't look at his face
Turn away turn away
Believe me, you don't want that heartache
G E Am C
You made me
You take me
To the end and that's where you break me
Every day
Every night
You're the One who fights this fight
Not the end
It's the start
Cause all you wanted was my heart
I was lost
Now I'm found
All you had to do was let me hit the ground
E Am C G
Fix my eyes God, fix my eyes
So I only see your face
There is no way, you make the way
Help me run out this race
Now I am learning to trust you first
Should it be so hard with the God of the universe?
He's in the storm God. Drowning
So deep in the grips of sin
Break his chains, break his chains Lord
Reach out your hand
There is no way, you make a way Lord
Your will your plan
Lift him out Lord, lift him up
Take him out of the sea
Set him up on your Rock God
Set him away from me
G E Am C
You made me
You take me
To the end and that's where you break me
Every day
Every night
You're the One who fights this fight
Not the end
It's the start
Cause all you wanted was his heart
He was lost
But he'll be found
I'll get out of your way to let him hit the ground
You love me
Never leave
I am a child of the one true king
You have plans
For my life
So I'm going to stand and fight
All your words
They are true
And I know that your promises are good
We're not lost
We'll be found
We're in the hands of the One who loves us now
In my loss
In this pain
You have promised that you will make a way
You won't quit
Till it's done
Once again, these two will become one
You take me
And break me
So in the end you can remake me
Lord take me, remake me
|
|
