Pat, you are such a good woman and such a kind person! To pray for the other woman. I hope I can get to that place of forgiveness in my heart one day.
So update from yesterday. The night before, I got a text from a Colorado Springs number that I didn't recognize. Basically saying "I love you and I hope you're doing well. If you need anything, even just a warm body to lay with you at night let me know". I asked who it was and they said a secret admirer. At this point in my head I'm like "yeah...this is Chris" cause he always does this thing where I kick him out then I start getting weird texts from people I don't know. But I responded that I don't have time for this and the "random person" says why? I said "Whoever you are you don't love me, because if you did, you wouldn't be sleezy texting me to try to catch me on the rebound. It's bad enough that my husband is delusional and thinks he's in love with some random stranger. I'm not falling in your trap" and they said okay sorry to bother you. I know it was Chris. I haven't told many people except close family and friends and all of those friends are women. I honestly don't have male friends in Colorado at all.
I text Chris at his cell phone to tell him he can just ask if I am dating someone. He doesn't have to try to catch me in a trap. And I am not dating right now because I am married right now and when my covenant is broken, I will date if I want to. He saw that text the next morning when I was on the way to court and started in with his aggression. Telling me about how horrible I am and that I ruined our marriage. Two things he said though, I believe was God confirming to me that he is working. One was Chris said "God made me a strong man and I am not going to hit rock bottom". Just the terminology was encouraging, because I have not said "rock bottom" to him, but I have prayed it over him. So I know God is speaking to him. The other thing was he admitted he hasn't been the spiritual leader in our family, but claims that was his only short coming as far as being a good husband is concerned. I kind of laugh about that a little honestly, because it's true. He dug right down into the root. If he has God, he would be a good husband and all of the cheating and lying and stealing would be overcome. But he doesn't have God. So I got to the courthouse.
We had our initial family meeting thing with a court facilitator yesterday. When I got in there, I check in and sat down. There was a lot of people there. Chris came late and there wasn't a lot of open seating, so he sat with me. We watched a half hour of slides on how to fill out paperwork. The facilitator then started calling up couples to discuss their paperwork so we had a few minutes to talk. I apologized to him and showed him the text from "random person" and explained that I acted emotionally and I should have controlled myself better. He scrolled through it and handed the phone back without reading it, then said "obviously it's someone who knows our situation, but it wasn't me". Another confirmation that it was him since he didn't even read the text but knew what it said. I just let that go. We started talking about the kids, the parenting plan, and how he believes he's going to get raked over the coals in court. He was still talking about it after we left. When we were leaving I went to give him a hug. He said "a hug really?" And I said "no! Sorry!" And ran away. Like literally ran lol. I realized how selfish and needy that move was the moment I decided to do it, but I did it anyways. Thank you Jesus for your cover and protection though.
Chris texted me after to ask if I was having hesitation at all and then said "a hug for a sex addict like me always leads to more". Wow...he has never admitted to being a sex addict until it's convenient for him and that a hug is going too far. I mean remember guys. This is the guy who kissed a girl but it was innocent, went on an innocent date, and even scuba dived with a stripper...all innocent though. But a hug will be the downfall of him. Mmhmmm...
I didn't respond to that text. Another trap.
Went back to my parents house at the end of the day and Chris texted to say he wants to see the kids and we can do paperwork too. I brought over the kids and the paperwork. When I got to the house, Naomi and I went in the kitchen. He said to Naomi "do you want a hug?" And hugged her, then turned to me with his dumb cute face that makes me melt and said "do you want a hug too?" "I'm good" I said and went to sit down. Knocking those traps down left and right! He started playing with the kids and after about 10 minutes, it was clear I wasn't going to get any paperwork done so I said "I think I'll go get food for the kids". He says "oh y'all haven't eaten yet?" I said no he says "okay we can all go in my car" and I was kind of dumbfounded and didn't respond. Then he pulls out his phone to show me the new furniture he bought for his new luxury apartment. "That's nice". I said, then I said, "while you're playing with the kids im just going to sneak out and get food." He seemed a little disheartened but said okay so I snuck out and drove around for an hour. He called and asked me to come back to get them and I did and took them back to my parents.
When I was there, it really started. He texted me to ask if we are really done or after the divorce can we start over. I told him I want to be married to the man God made him to be. He said he doesn't mean get remarried right away but just start over. I am falling for his crap. I said that one day I do plan to be married to the man God is going to make him into. As the conversation is progressing, I'm getting my hope up thinking he's concerned about his relationship with God. He says he is depressed and he hates being alone. I called my sister to make sure to be accountable and get her take and she saw straight through it. Starts opening my eyes and making me see it for what it really is. Manipulation and lies. In the end, I told him he is not the man God made for me and he said okay, all business then. After praying and re reading the text, it's clear now that he was just horny and wanted some. He was manipulating to try to get me in bed. I felt foolish, but I am go grateful that God was protecting me and especially for my sister being my accountability. I can't keep walking into traps blindly with this man. He doesn't want to change.
Overall, I would give myself a B+ for the day. Near the end, I almost got caught in the trap, but I got away and it was all by Gods protection. It was a very heavy emotional day yesterday, but I went to bed full of peace. Thank you God for moving. Thank you for confirming things to me and showing me glimpses of your work. Thank you for not forgetting me.
