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Post by Sharon on Oct 12, 2017 14:23:17 GMT -5
That is so tough Adrienne and I completely understand your perspective. It finally got to this place with us that I realized I can not live up to what Chris wants in a wife, because he is trying to use me to fill holes in his heart that God is supposed to fill. You can not be everything that G needs. Ever! Because what he really needs is God. So, that being said, I think you and G need to talk about these two issues separately. I think you need to ask if he would sit down with you soon and go through your schedule to find places and commitments that need to be cut, so that you can spend more time focused on the marriage and with each other. But before you do that, would he be willing to start coming to church with you and to see a Christian marriage counselor? The solution to every problem can not be fix it or divorce, because divorce is inevitable then. It's like he is seeing this iceberg in front of you and asking you to fix it, but then steering you into it. If he is willing to see a counselor and go to church and begin working on your marriage as a God centered marriage, then you have a place of solid ground to stand on. And from there, divorce not a concern on the horizon, you will be willing to let go of some commitments you have to prioritize the marriage. This is not all your fault and not all his fault either. The biggest issue for you seems to be the threat of you fix it or you're out mentality from him, while his biggest issue is your over commitment to too many things. I know you work hard and everything you are doing is in an attempt to make your lives better, but if your husband really wasn't in the picture, it wouldn't be right either. I know this is all emotionally stressful. G really needs to get his foot on Gods rock and you really need to let go of control of your life and let the focus be on making the marriage thrive if this is going to improve.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 16, 2017 22:28:13 GMT -5
Hey sister. You've been on my heart today. How are you doing?
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Post by Adrienne on Oct 19, 2017 17:26:00 GMT -5
Thank you Sharon for your prayers; you've been on my heart lately too. I deleted my last post (the one that started this thread) because after praying about it, I decided that I needed to reorient my perspective.
When G came to me with this conversation, it sent me spiraling down into this place of fear - of panic even. But as I've been reflecting, I acknowledge that I should never have gone into that panic mode, if only I were leaning on God as I should have been. I am seeking God out more again now. I am also looking with more conscious eyes at my marriage, and trying to live more consciously within my marriage and my relationship with God. If that means that my class's homework won't get graded for another few days, that's okay. When I felt like I was being asked to work harder, I felt my stress levels rise. But now I understand I was being asked (by God) what really mattered, what I really valued, and how I intended to manage my time accordingly. I'm trying to follow that line of questioning, and approach my days accordingly.
I've also realized that G's low spirits and his request for more of me, rather than a reason for fear, are actually an opportunity for grace, love, and ministry. I've talked with him about God filling that emptiness in my own life, and about how my joy comes from God... at first he wasn't listening, but then a friend had a similar conversation with him and G started paying more attention. He's said that he's considered that maybe, one day, he will think about returning to the church. For a man who basically said before "been there, done that," even thinking about it is a big step forward. I need now, not to fear, but to press into God even more, focus once again on HIM and not on my husband, but also to show G God's love and grace through my own support and sacrifices of time.
Soooo... all that to say, I'm doing better. It took me a while, but God - I hear you, and I want to obey. I just ask that you help me to follow you.
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