|
|
Post by pstokes522 on Oct 11, 2017 23:01:05 GMT -5
David called me tonight and he's getting married this weekend. I was really caught off guard. The kids were very shocked too. He said it all happened really quick last weekend. In the same breath he told me we could 'still get together' every now and then. Why in the world would you want to marry someone you are planning on cheating on? Anyway, I 'got together' with him three times this year, but he wasn't married. I won't be with him again while he's married to her. That would make me no better than she is. I really need prayer. I know this doesn't mean anything - he divorced me after 33 years so I'm sure he won't be more dedicated to this marriage than he was to ours, but it still hurts. I'm heart broken all over again. I don't think I can pray right now. I would appreciate all your prayers.
|
|
|
|
Post by tkk2 on Oct 12, 2017 5:17:15 GMT -5
David called me tonight and he's getting married this weekend. I was really caught off guard. The kids were very shocked too. He said it all happened really quick last weekend. In the same breath he told me we could 'still get together' every now and then. Why in the world would you want to marry someone you are planning on cheating on? Anyway, I 'got together' with him three times this year, but he wasn't married. I won't be with him again while he's married to her. That would make me no better than she is. I really need prayer. I know this doesn't mean anything - he divorced me after 33 years so I'm sure he won't be more dedicated to this marriage than he was to ours, but it still hurts. I'm heart broken all over again. I don't think I can pray right now. I would appreciate all your prayers. What? I'm shocked! Is she pregnant? I will definitely be praying....he's caught in an enemy trap. It sounds impulsive and I'm guessing it will be fleeting. He'll need you when it's over, because he'll be devastated. Just continue to show him God's love and the OW also. It will be hard ....but remember the Lord never gives us more than we can bear. Dont let the rejection and hurt take root.....that's what the enemy wants...be a light to your kids and people around you during this time....they will be watching. Show your husband grace, mercy, forgiveness....so that they see the hope in Jesus you have. God is bigger than whats in front of you now. I'll be praying. |
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Oct 12, 2017 9:11:24 GMT -5
I am also shocked! It seems that he's gotten closer to you, and now this? I agree with TK; this is confusion, impulsiveness, and the enemy's work all wrapped up into one big mistake. I do agree that you can't be with him physically while he is married to the OW. But you can still stand strong in grace, in love, and in prayer. I think often when our wayward spouses make huge mistakes like this, it is an opportunity to show them the depth of God's love. We are allowed to be hurt, sad, angry, but if we can reach out to God and find the forgiveness that He enables in us... then that is something powerful! And it really shows our prodigal partners that God's love is always bigger than their sins.
You say you are struggling to pray, so I want to share some of my recent personal feelings/experience about this sensation of being unable to go to God... (Hope you don't mind). G dropped another little bombshell on me earlier this week (not as big as this, but it still hurt - I will make a separate post about it), and it took me a few days to come to prayer about it. I'm still struggling to pray, because all my emotions are up! My natural reactions are fear, panic, sadness, despair, anger - and that makes it hard to pray. I don't want to feel all of those things, so instead I try to go numb, ignore the issue, and just hide in my little shell. But if I'm hiding and lying to myself about my feelings, I can't take them to God... Similarly, if I'm fixating on my feelings rather than on my faith, I can't go to God either! I have realized over the past few days that I'm going into my fear-driven patterns of panic and despair, and that instead I need to go into a pattern of prayer.
If you read the Bible (check out psalms!) it is easy to see that God's servants across history were not emotionless zombies. They had all kinds of emotions... they were often angry, doubtful, sad, afraid... but they stand out in scripture because they took all those feelings to God and said "God, I'm feeling terribly, but I want to lean on you! I want to trust you! Help me!" and God helped them. God created us and He understand our emotions. He wants to help us and help carry this burden... but He is a gentleman and thus waits for us to ask. The hand is already outstretched, if you'll just reach out and take it. After my initial hesitation, I went to God in prayer and sobbed through it. I was at the altar at church with my face covered in tears and snot; I was a total mess! But now, when those negative feelings crop up, I'm able to combat them with scripture. It's hard! I am always tempted to stay in those feelings or force myself to go numb. But the scripture stays in my head and I try to listen to it, and it helps.
It will not be easy to go through this new battle. I'm not trying to say that at all. But you have a few options... You can try and go numb and act like you're over this (but by doing so you'll close off your emotions and your relationship with everyone around you will suffer), you can try to fight this battle your own way and exhaust yourself, or you can take this to God, put on His armor, and trust in Him as your commander and defender.
I will be praying for you sister. Remember we are always here and will be lifting you up in prayer, no matter what.
|
|
|
|
Post by pstokes522 on Oct 12, 2017 10:05:51 GMT -5
Thank you Tk and Adrienne. I just got off the phone with my pastor praying for me. The OW isn't pregnant - she's 57. I'm sure her child bearing years are behind her, though I did ask that question last night too Lol. I'm trying not to hide away and become numb - I have done that in the past and recognize that's not where I want to be. His reasoning for getting married is not the typical 'I love her and can't live without her.' He said that's he's living with her anyway, they're 99% married, might as well get the tax break. It just doesn't make sense with all he's told me about their relationship, but nothing about this makes sense. I feel like God is telling me that he's been convicting them about their relationship, and they think getting married will be the answer - but He's not going to give them peace. I don't know if I'm hearing that from God or just making it up in my head because it's what I want to believe. I already had a weekend planned with my granddaughter - like God knew I'd need a special time this weekend  I appreciate the prayers and just want everyone in this group to know that I love you all and draw so much comfort from my friends here. Thank you for that. ~Pat |
|
|
|
Post by pstokes522 on Oct 12, 2017 10:07:48 GMT -5
By the way - while I was on the phone with him, I told him I wish him the best and I hope he's happy, and this doesn't change the way I feel about him at all - I still love him, always have and always will.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Oct 12, 2017 12:06:09 GMT -5
Sister, I can't imagine how hard that is. I don't even want to imagine honestly, but I will tell you something God has been speaking to me recently. In my own situation, God spoke to my spirit that "things are about to get really bad for Chris, so I need your eyes right now to be fixed on ME, not on him. I don't want you to suffer watching the man I made for you go through what he is about to go through." Terrifying, but I also know it is grace and comfort and peace that God is promising to me - if I fix my eyes on Him. I am realizing now (amazing how long it takes for some blinders to come off of us God fearing people too), that Chris has such deep issues and doesn't know what real love is. He doesn't love me or my kids or his family. He doesn't even love himself. So how can he love God? He doesn't know what real love is! But THAT is what God is really working on here. I actually was thinking of you this morning and mentioned your situation to my sister and I am not terribly surprised (gosh I hope that doesn't come off insensitively) to hear that David is regressing again. Because there is earthly hope and there is heavenly Hope. Earthly hope says that I can fix this. I can do the work in this marriage to make it better. I can help my spouse...I am his wife and that makes me his helper right? But truthfully, when we cling to earthly hope, we are toiling fruitlessly. You can't change Davids heart. There was a spark of earthly hope that things were getting better. David felt it and you felt it. And that is fine, but God hasn't finished his work on David yet. The Work will be finished when you can look at a man, full of the Holy Spirit, fully committed to loving and serving the Lord first. When his first priority is God, wife will fall naturally into her second priority place. But when we labor to try to push our way up the priority ladder, we stand in Gods way. Sister, you know my situation, so you know how hard this is for me personally to say, but look away. Keep your eyes fixed on God and look away from David. God is going to allow the world and the wounds of this world to fall hard on the man and he doesn't want you focused on him when that happens. You don't deserve to be hurt by his mistakes anymore. God WILL do the work He has promised you He will do! But you have to trust that heavenly Hope and let God take control of your ship and steer you through this storm. Don't look at the waves. Don't look at David in the water, being tossed around by the world. Fix your eyes on Jesus and you will sail through this to the True promise that God has made for you on the other side. God promised you restoration, and you will get there! Just trust Him that He knows where you are going and how to get you there.
|
|
|
|
Post by pstokes522 on Oct 12, 2017 23:20:30 GMT -5
Thank you Sharon for the wise words. I called my pastor this morning and he prayed a powerful prayer over me that God would take every thought captive so I don't think about David and his situation. I was very successful with that today. God in his infinite wisdom had already orchestrated a fun weekend for me and my oldest granddaughter this weekend, so it will be easy to let it go for at least the next few days. I have been very complacent in my relationship with Jesus as of late, and this has been a big reminder that I need to concentrate on getting Jesus back to my core - so I remain completely at peace once again. I know that God has repeatedly told me that David is searching for 'something that is missing in his life' and he's searching in all the wrong places. He thinks this marriage will stop the conviction and he'll finally have peace, but God has bigger plans for him. Like Chris, he's going to take a huge fall. He also doesn't know what real love is and he also doesn't love himself, so like you said, he can't love God. He had a really screwed up childhood and had lots of people abandon him and place conditions on their love for him. He was also physically and emotionally abused. It's a lot to work through, and most men don't like to talk about such things and prefer to just stuff everything down. Eventually it explodes, which is where David is now. I appreciate all your prayers. ~Pat
|
|
