Standing on the Rock

Praying for you Sharon !!! God has everything under control !!

Erika and Pat thank you so much ladies for your continued prayers and comforting words. I talked to my sister about all of this and while I was with her, God gave me another picture. I was worrying about WHEN God decides to pull Chris out of the storm and set him on the rock, how am I supposed to react and what am I supposed to do? I don't know how to be his wife or encourage him properly. But while we were talking God gave me an image of Him setting Chris on the Rock, but it was not the same Rock as mine. I feel like this was God telling me that actually He intends to make Chris steadfast in his relationship with the Lord, apart from me, before he restores our marriage. So with that, I felt strong confirmation that this old covenant is broken and I talked to my sister and parents about it. I have filled out the initial paperwork for divorce. This does not mean for me that I am giving up on our marriage. But I feel a deep peace over this decision and I heard several promises last night. The first promise was for Chris, that God would bring him out of death and into marvelous life. The next promise was for me, that I have made the decision to marry Christ and that my heart is tethered to Him. He is my husband. Third was that if I am faithful and don't lose hope, that God will restore our marriage, only when Chris stands firm on the Lords rock. Fourth is that if I am faithful and don't lose hope, that God will use this story for a strong ministry. And fifth is that if I choose to not stand anymore and wait for the fulfillment of this marriage promise, but instead choose to remarry, that God will also bless that marriage and make it flourish. This path would leave me giving up those promises of the old covenant, but God would still bless this decision. So I am feeling very uplifted and comforted by all of this. I know that God has not abandoned me and will not forsake me. That I need to stay faithful in prayer and lean on the Lord who never abandoned me and forsook me and never will. My focus is not going to be on restoration of my marriage, but instead in spending each day with the Lord in his glorious presence and resting in his peace. Being still and knowing that He is God and He is in control.
Chris did call late last night to talk to the kids and I told him they were asleep and he said that was the only reason he called. I told him well I need to talk to him anyways and does he have a minute. He said sure, that he was going to eat but he could talk. I asked him if he was in Thailand and he responded "is that what your phone says?" Clearly being defensive and difficult. I told him yes and he said well then that is where he is. I told him sorry, that if he couldn't talk because he is with his girlfriend, we can talk later and he laughed and said he doesn't have a girlfriend. I asked how he got there then and he says someone offered him a free trip and he took it and I asked who but he wouldn't say. I told him could he please just release me and he said he had. I told him he hadn't because he kissed me, we had sex, and he told me he loved me before he left. He said he is still trying to figure out what he wants and I told him that I have started the divorce proceedings. Explained the divisions in the paperwork and told him I would email it to him as soon as it was ready. He seemed taken aback by it, but just said okay. I think he really wanted the upper hand in all of this and maybe I swept the rug out from under him, but I know what I have felt in my heart. God is going to use this for Chris. God is the only one who can break the chains that Chris has shackled to his own ankles and God alone can lift him out of this storm and set him on the Rock.
I am not "standing for marriage" anymore in the traditional sense. I am standing on a promise for a future that, if I am faithful, will be Gods BEST plan, but God has promised me a contingency plan in the form of an alternate joy filled marriage if I can not wait. I think I needed to know that contingency was available honestly, just so I can have a decision in the matter and so that I can release hope for that promise of restoration. I have (once again) been focused on the gift, not the giver. And Jesus wants my focus to be Him. I have decided to marry Jesus and all of these things will be added in Gods good time.
Guys, would you please continue to pray for Chris? Although I have released the marriage and feel great peace over it, I know that God adores Chris and does not want him to drown in the storm. He wants to rescue him from the world and set him back on the Rock. So please pray for God to soften Chris's heart, so that he would be willing to accept Gods grace and forgiveness. Pray that God breaks the chains that bind Chris to the world, lifts him out of the world, and sets him firmly on the Rock. And pray for continued focus and peace for me and especially for my kids. I have not been able to explain what is happening yet. They are pretty unaware at the moment honestly, because they are used to dad being gone, but I need the Lord to give me the right words to help them, especially my son, to understand what is happening. Thank you guys!

Sharon - I understand your feelings and where you are spiritually concerning your marriage. I have not felt like I was standing for my marriage in a long time - rather I'm standing for David to be set free from his bondage and for restoration of my family. I also wonder what marriage restoration would look like and if I could be the wife David would need. I used to spend time contemplating these things, but have since come to understand that God wants me, each and every day, to remain focused on Him and to be obedient to Him. You mentioned several times 'if you can't wait' and I'm here to tell you, that with God's strength you can wait. You will wait for God to bring you His best - whatever that will be. I've known so many people who start our strong in wanting marriage restoration who falter under loneliness and 'find someone new' - but it not be God's best for them. They settle - make sure you don't go down that route. Keep your eyes firmly fixed on Jesus, and truly let Him be your husband, and you won't fall prey to the loneliness that tempts people to settle. If God wants to bless you with another marriage, and I'm not saying He does or He doesn't, He will give you complete peace. For me, at least thus far, my heart still belongs to Jesus and David. He has not released me, and maybe never will. But I'm ok with that, even if restoration is delayed. Contentment in your situation, wherever God has you, is a wonderful, peaceful place to be. I'll continue to pray for you and Chris.

Pat and TK thank you so much! I am so relieved right now because I am not alone and I am so blessed once again to be in this group. Y'all understand exactly where I am! I have been making calls and telling everyone that needs to know what is going on and asking for prayers. It's amazing to see people's reactions who have not actually experienced this. It's so so good and comforting to know that I have people here who do understand! Pat thank you for everything you said! I am copying this into my prayer journal.
I have started reading Levi Luskos Through the eyes of a Lion that he wrote after the loss of one of his children. And I listened to this amazing podcast last night by him in his Some Assembly Required series called Do The Hard Things. If any of you want to check it out go to www.freshlife.church to messages and click on the some assembly required series. It's the third message in there. For me that was confirmation from the Lord that this is His path and I need to walk in it. He has plans to use me too and I have forgotten that because my focus was Chris. I had some dreams about him cheating last night and I was sad, but not heart broken. I was resolved. God has good plans here for me!