Post by Sharon on Mar 9, 2016 10:28:17 GMT -5
Btw sorry I keep dominating the feed...its been really crazy these last few days.
Chris came to the house yesterday while I was at work. I left it open because he said he would work on homework, but when I got home a few hours later, he was playing video games and I came down and just looked at him and went back upstairs and he knew he shouldn't have been doing that. I didn't let him in so he could go find his comforts again. He came upstairs right away (I'll say something great about him is he hates disappointing me). He started playing with the kids and I turned on Klove in the kitchen and made dinner. I offered him, but he said no. We discussed some more business stuff and I asked if he would watch the sermon from Sunday online with me and he agreed and we went to our bedroom. He said he was listening but he spent the whole time looking for stuff for his car online so I went in my prayer closer and listened from there and prayed. I asked him after to come talk to me and I told him the same thing we had heard from the sermon - that he's made his comforts - sex and stuff - into gods in his life and until he can submit to God, and find "the joy set before him" he will never overcome his addictions. I told him I have crippled him and stood between him and God. It was around 830 when I told him it was time to leave. He thought I was saying let's take a ride in the car, so he started to get Christian ready and I told him no. I am not going. He said he would just go on his own then and he'd be right back and I told him no again, that it was time for him to leave for the night because I'm going to get the kids to bed. He was very upset because his overnight shift didn't start till 11 so he was going to have to kill 2 hours somewhere alone. He stormed out of the house and I started crying and praying again. It was maybe 15 minutes later when he came back in the house and I felt so much relief (but I'm realizing now how selfish that is) and I yelled at him that he was a jerk and I was really angry. We talked some more and he started playing piano and I felt even more comfortable and I started praying over him and over the house. Maybe an hour later he came up the the room and we were intimate and then he got dressed and went to work.
I wasn't sure how to feel about it last night and I went to sleep, but this morning I think it's becoming clear. I think when I asked him to leave and it hurt, that was the best thing I could have done and I confused the whole situation when I let him back in the house. I was acting selfish and wanted comfort for my sadness and I didn't take that to God - I took it to my husband who needs to learn Gods comfort too. It was a total missed opportunity.
I texted him today and told him I was wrong to want comfort from him and I was selfish. I told him too I would leave the door unlocked today so he can sleep but he needs to find a more permanent place to stay. I called then and told him he shouldn't be sleeping in our bed, he is a guest and he can sleep on our guest bed or the couch and he was very angry. I just don't want him getting so comfortable. I also told him we were not made as complete people, but with a desire for God and he's missing out on so much joy. He is obviously very mad at me today. I know I'm going to have to suffer a lot of sadness and hurt because I don't want to be "mean" to Chris, but getting out of Gods way in my case really does mean to stop softening the blows and comforting him when things are hard. I really have acted like his mother.
Chris came to the house yesterday while I was at work. I left it open because he said he would work on homework, but when I got home a few hours later, he was playing video games and I came down and just looked at him and went back upstairs and he knew he shouldn't have been doing that. I didn't let him in so he could go find his comforts again. He came upstairs right away (I'll say something great about him is he hates disappointing me). He started playing with the kids and I turned on Klove in the kitchen and made dinner. I offered him, but he said no. We discussed some more business stuff and I asked if he would watch the sermon from Sunday online with me and he agreed and we went to our bedroom. He said he was listening but he spent the whole time looking for stuff for his car online so I went in my prayer closer and listened from there and prayed. I asked him after to come talk to me and I told him the same thing we had heard from the sermon - that he's made his comforts - sex and stuff - into gods in his life and until he can submit to God, and find "the joy set before him" he will never overcome his addictions. I told him I have crippled him and stood between him and God. It was around 830 when I told him it was time to leave. He thought I was saying let's take a ride in the car, so he started to get Christian ready and I told him no. I am not going. He said he would just go on his own then and he'd be right back and I told him no again, that it was time for him to leave for the night because I'm going to get the kids to bed. He was very upset because his overnight shift didn't start till 11 so he was going to have to kill 2 hours somewhere alone. He stormed out of the house and I started crying and praying again. It was maybe 15 minutes later when he came back in the house and I felt so much relief (but I'm realizing now how selfish that is) and I yelled at him that he was a jerk and I was really angry. We talked some more and he started playing piano and I felt even more comfortable and I started praying over him and over the house. Maybe an hour later he came up the the room and we were intimate and then he got dressed and went to work.
I wasn't sure how to feel about it last night and I went to sleep, but this morning I think it's becoming clear. I think when I asked him to leave and it hurt, that was the best thing I could have done and I confused the whole situation when I let him back in the house. I was acting selfish and wanted comfort for my sadness and I didn't take that to God - I took it to my husband who needs to learn Gods comfort too. It was a total missed opportunity.
I texted him today and told him I was wrong to want comfort from him and I was selfish. I told him too I would leave the door unlocked today so he can sleep but he needs to find a more permanent place to stay. I called then and told him he shouldn't be sleeping in our bed, he is a guest and he can sleep on our guest bed or the couch and he was very angry. I just don't want him getting so comfortable. I also told him we were not made as complete people, but with a desire for God and he's missing out on so much joy. He is obviously very mad at me today. I know I'm going to have to suffer a lot of sadness and hurt because I don't want to be "mean" to Chris, but getting out of Gods way in my case really does mean to stop softening the blows and comforting him when things are hard. I really have acted like his mother.
