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Post by Eric W. on Apr 6, 2017 22:34:06 GMT -5
A few weeks ago I reached out to a lady on our church praise team via social media, that she did well that Sunday. She messaged back and we started talking. I found out, her and her ex husband divorced about 5 years ago and she isn't feeling called to stand.
Last week she invited me to eat dinner with her one Sunday. She said she hated going out to eat alone,and I can understand that. We talked about church. I explained my stand further. Afterwards I have felt troubled... It wasn't a date and I don't think that is what she intended it to be either, but I still felt troubled. After a praise team practice tonight I was invited to grab food by a couple of them and when I got there was seated by her. So i am afraid that is how it is seen... I ask for prayers of guidance. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and everyone could use a christian friend, but I can see this is a slippery slope if only in perception.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 7, 2017 4:16:42 GMT -5
Eric, i would caution you. I have always been careful not to go out alone with the opposite sex under any circumstances. There's just too much at stake....it only takes 1 person to see you..a friend, in-laws. Your initial feelings didn't fail you... you felt a small conviction. Don't give the enemy any more footholds. This may seem innocent on the front end, but the subtlety of temptation is there. I'm praying for you.
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Post by pstokes522 on Apr 7, 2017 23:54:36 GMT -5
I agree with tk
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Post by Sharon on Apr 8, 2017 10:09:34 GMT -5
God is good and is giving you wisdom to see the enemies schemes. I agree with TK the intentions are good, but for you, because you are Covenanted to your wife, you need to be careful about spending time with this woman. I am praying though Eric. God uses all these things for His good and the enemy is trying now for a reason
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Post by william on Apr 10, 2017 0:12:44 GMT -5
My Brother...,
I have sat thought & empathized from all angles, and prayed about this. I do agree that it could be a slippery slope, but I want to share a perspective I had on here to be prayed upon. Perhaps God has allowed this to happen so that you can be a light to her, incourage her to rethink her views? I honestly don't know my brother...the best advice I can give is go somewhere peaceful to you but not where you normally go and take in the beauty around you in his creation, talk out like Gods setting next to you then wait...I do it all the time and I know He will show you.
I'll be praying brother, you have my # if need and ear or a quick prayer.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 10, 2017 17:11:59 GMT -5
Gods ways are not our ways. And what He uses doesn't always make sense to us. My best friend Rebecca who has stood for her marriage for years had an unconventional moment in her marriage that God used for good. Her husband had cheated again and again and it got to the point that she felt released from the covenant of her marriage. She moved on and started dating another man and within a few months had slept with him. Although I am not encouraging that, I am amazed at how God uses even our weak moments. When Rebecca's husband realized that he has really gone too far and lost her, that she didn't recognize their covenant anymore and that she had moved on to the point of dating and sleeping with someone else, it woke him up. Rather I should say that God woke him up. He came begging for her, apologizing, recommitted his life to the Lord. He has been a good husband to her and for years, he was not. The point of all that is that you need to trust and be faithful to what God tells you. It doesn't happen the same way for each of us. But God will do it.
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Post by Eric W. on Apr 10, 2017 17:38:14 GMT -5
Thank you all for the advice. I am still standing and honestly haven't had any thoughts of anything romantic towards her. I think she just doesn't like being the 3rd or 5th wheel in a group. And I can certainly understand that. There is also an age gap of about 15 years.
My pastor and his family invited me out to lunch with them Sunday after our 2nd service. And I don't talk about standing a lot unless or until someone asks. When I got to the restaurant, the Pastor, his wife and eldest grandson were there and we were chatting and waiting on his son and his family to get there.
Pastor Strickland asked me how old I am, and what my marital status is. (He knew we were separated, but I haven't really told people about the divorce going through). I told him I am 37 (I had a birthday just a bit back) and that the paperwork had gone through and technically I was divorced. Then he told me he appreciated me helping at the church and asked if I knew Jennie from the church, that she was 39 and a good, godly woman... And that she has a get together at her house for single people in the church when we meet on Sunday evenings. I could feel the matchmaker coming on. I told him I was standing for my marriage until/or unless I heard otherwise. He said, he would never tell me not to stand if that's where I was called, but standing doesn't mean you can't sway to the music. That it might give some perspective... We changed the subject and had a great time with them.
I will be honest, I don't know where I am at right now. You all know me, I am doubting Thomas up and down. I have been wondering if I am standing for my marriage or the image I have in my head for my marriage. I remember the day after we got married, we were in Tennessee with family on vacation and we had got away just the two of us and we went to a store parking lot before going in and sat and talked for an hour, and looking back she had second thoughts even then. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back I can. I don't know that she was over her first husband... Honestly, I still don't know that she is to this day...
I love her, I promised I always would, but am I loving her, or what I want her to be?.?
I am not planning to walk away from my stand, I am just not sure right now, what I am trying to stand for...
I am still asking for prayers for guidance, and direction.
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Post by pstokes522 on Apr 11, 2017 9:50:40 GMT -5
You're in a tough situation Eric and to be honest I don't have any answers. I will however pray for God to give you clarity and direction.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 11, 2017 21:32:22 GMT -5
I like what someone said (sheesh I wish I could remember who) about not considering it as a stand for marriage anymore so much and more thinking about it as time to build up your relationship with God. I read something the other day about a man can not be a good groom to his bride until he is a good bride to God. I think you look at the whole thing sometimes like a checklist brother. Like am I supposed to do this or that or am I doing something wrong? Instead, spend time with God. Rest in his presence. Even if you don't feel like talking, just sitting in your room in silence and say "Holy Spirit come" and then resting in silence in His presence. Spend time with God. Enjoy his company. Spend time soaking in your relationship with Him. He will be your shepherd. He will lead you. You don't have to know the way. In fact, probably better you didn't. Maybe when your pastor said to "sway to the music", it is something similar to this. Just enjoy your time with the Lord and enjoy His presence. Maybe enjoying his presence in a group of single people would be good for you! Maybe you will meet another young man standing for his marriage. Maybe you will see some marriages restored and have your faith renewed. Maybe you will just have another chance to spend some quality time with your groom God. You don't have to go to a singles Bible study with the intention of dating. In fact, you shouldn't go with that intention. But you could go with the intention of spending more time with God. And maybe one day you will be able tell that group that you are very sorry to be quitting the Bible study, but you no longer meet the qualifications as your marriage has been miraculously restored. Yes brother, you're a doubting Thomas. It's because you want to see the path clearly before you and know what the plan is. You like to be in control (don't we all?!), but remember then you are the sheep and the Lord is your GOOD SHEPHERD. You want to know the path, but you don't have to know it. God wants you to just relax, trust him, and follow Him in whatever path He chooses. And trust Him that this is the best path for you.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 20, 2017 19:08:14 GMT -5
I'm wow'ed by Sharon once again!! I am praying for you Eric. I understand those moments of doubt. I have such strong memories of doubting whether my G loved me at all, if I was just being stubborn, what the point of any of it was... And now I praise God for the restorative work I can see so clearly in our marriage! He has transformed us. We are still a work in progress but now I can see God's work and I'm so grateful that on those days when I nearly called it quits, I listened to that still small voice that said "trust in Me." I am praying for strength for you and I encourage you to follow Sharon's advice to just seek God! I am going to try harder to follow that advice myself, as I have been so busy that I've let myself drift when I should be pulling in ever closer.
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