God is on the move

God has really been doing some work in me the last couple days! I was so tired and frustrated yesterday. Chris had come home from his night shift Saturday morning and I woke up and we started hanging out for a little while, before he went to bed. He had to get some sleep, because he had another night shift that night Saturday night. I had the kids all day and kept them busy and out of the way for Chris, but it has been difficult. They have both been sick and so very needy and clingy and I have been sick too, but I don't have time to take care of me. By the end of the day, I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I was feeling upset, because I believed the lie that no one cares about me and that I have to take care of everyone around me (my employees and my business, my parents, my husband and kids, my sister and her family) and that no one takes care of me or even cares about me and I don't have time to take care of me. This is why I am overweight, unhealthy, always tired, always sick, and not great at most things. The enemy was really attacking me. Chris got up and went to the basement to play video games and left me with the kids. I went downstairs and explained that I was feeling overwhelmed and tired, but then my son was upstairs crying so I left Chris to go tend to the kids. I finally got all the kids put in bed and sat down on the stairs and just started crying. Chris ran up the stairs and abruptly asked "what's wrong with you?!" and I felt insulted. I asked "do you really care?" and he said "I wouldn't ask if I didn't care" and I didn't say anything else. He ran past me and picked up the baby who was crying again and settled her down, got her a bottle, got her in bed. My phone was ringing - my parents. He dealt with them. He put our son back in bed. I was still crying, but I came upstairs and he was still running around putting everyone in bed and doing all the stuff that I usually do. So I sat down and folded laundry. I hate when he does this kind of thing, because I always feel like he is attacking me. He is doing all this to prove to me that I am too weak and I act like a martyr and a victim when it's not really that hard. I was starting to creep into that mindset, when God kind of smacked me in the face and told me "What is it that you want Sharon? Really, what's wrong with you?" and I realized that Chris was giving me a break from the kids. He was putting them in bed. He was dealing with my parents. Things he didn't have to do, but he was doing, because he was being loving and sacrificial. Not because he was being mean and judgmental. Or even if that was his intention, the way that I react to this is everything. Even if he is meaning this for evil, God can mean it for good. So I stopped crying. I got up off the floor and I went to Chris and kissed him and told him thank you so much for taking care of the kids and dealing with my parents. Thank you for giving me the break that I needed. Thank you for taking my concerns and my feelings seriously. That I am so blessed to have him. And he was happy and smiled and told me I was welcome and gave me a kiss. And it was all good. It really was going to be bad, but God turned it around for good. I know it's a dumb praise, but it was a huge mindset shift for me. I have such low self esteem that everything feels like an attack when it is not and God revealed that to me.