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Post by Eric W. on Nov 13, 2016 22:58:27 GMT -5
This last week has been rough on my emotionally and mentally. Tuesday night I come home to her ex-husband at the house with her sister and brother-in-law and the girls. They were all outside and in the garage when I pulled up. He stayed the night again. Wednesday morning I head to work and they are all over at my mother and father-in-law's house outside. Any time her family would go on a trip they meet up there before heading out and say a family prayer for traveling grace and mercy. And he is with them. I knew they were going to the mountains of Tennessee and I was pretty sure he was going with them. I asked God for comfort as I am driving in to work Wednesday, and as soon as I got on the interstate I saw a Covenant Transportation Semi-truck.
You all know I have a hard time, when it comes to him, since he was her first marriage. I asked God, if he were going to put them back together for me to find that he went on vacation with them. He posted pictures of leaves changing colors and a tree that was lit up like they do in Dollywood, in Pigeon Forge. And that is where they are, but tonight, her sister posted a picture with him in the background sitting with her mom and dad.
I see two distinct sides to my stand. One, I feel God called me to stand for the restoration of my marriage (more on this in a bit). And, two, I made a vow to God, to love, honour, and cherish her until death due us part. For the first point, this isn't the first marriage for either of us. So, in a way, I feel like the other man, even though we never even met until more than 4 years after their divorce. I feel God called me to stand, but I am fearful, how much of that is really his calling and not just what I want... I know she has unfinished business with him. I know she had feelings for him, even when we got married. Regardless of, if their marriage is restored, I will still continue to stand by my vow. I gave up on it twice before, and that is my only true regret in life. Not necessarily that I gave up on those relationships, but that in a way, I gave up on God.
I have received confirmations abundantly, that God wants me to stand, but never a confirmation from God that he would restore my marriage, other than the call to stand in the first place, but again, I wonder if that is a call more than a what I want situation.
So, I am asking you to pray with me, and for me. That God speak clearly to me, if he is going to restore my marriage some day. I just want to know how to pray going forward. I have prayed all week for both her, my stepdaughter, and him... That God bless them and guide them in his will.
I feel like I keep coming back to this same thing. Like I am asking for help with the same problem over and over again. Psalm 57, was very fitting for me, this weekend. I feel like I am hiding in a cave, with an enemy all around me.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 14, 2016 1:39:42 GMT -5
Eric, when God makes a promise, I think we sometimes start to feel like it is a goal for us to reach, rather then a hope for the future that God will provide in His time. Abraham and Sarah had been promised that they would have many descendants. That they would be greater then the number of stars. But when they waited and waited and years passed and Sarah hit menopause and it became impossible for her to have children, they came up with a plan B. She gave Hagar to Abraham to have a child on their behalf. Surely, this would be how God was going to fulfill His promise. But that wasn't HIS plan. That was a human, trying to do the job that God already had a plan for. Eric, brother I can't tell you what is going on with your wife and her ex. Maybe God does plan to restore that marriage for a time, but try to see this as hope brother. Because God has made an ultimate promise to you for restoration of your marriage. He has a plan that is perfect and great and miraculous and we can't see the plan, but you don't have to see the plan to know the end of the story. The end is restoration of YOUR marriage, to YOUR wife. This is part of God's miraculous plan. Brother, don't let the enemy convince you that the promises you have received were fake or something you imagined. You wouldn't have found this group. That alone should be proof enough that God has a plan for restoration. Because in some weird obscure way, you ended up being friends and a strong leader and necessary member of a group for marriage restoration. God planned all of that! You are not wrong in standing. You are being faithful to God. You are standing on the hope for the future. You know that He is good. That He WILL DO what He has promised to do. And the enemies power is a speck of sand compared to the vast beach of the Lords power. The devil can't compete, so instead he tries to lie, steal, kill, and destroy. He tries to persuade you that you were mistaken. Brother, the Lord doesn't lie. This is all part of His miracle plan for your marriage.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 14, 2016 1:45:50 GMT -5
I mention Abraham and Sarah because they didn't see the end of the story. Please read that Genesis story when you have the time to remind yourself and try to see it from their point of view. They had been made a promise that wasn't happening and wasn't happening and finally Sarah hit menopause and it was impossible. No humanly possible way for them to have a child. At that point, Sarah and Abraham truly must have thought "Those promises that God made us were just us hearing what we wanted to hear. He told us that we would have many descendants and that they would outnumber the stars, but He didn't specifically tell us that our descendants would be of our own flesh and blood." Just like God never told you that your marriage would be restored. He just told you to stand. Don't let the enemy lie to you. YOU KNOW that if He called you to stand, He meant you to do it because restoration is in your future. He doesn't call you to stand as a martyr and watch in agony and pain. Jeremiah 29:11 says that His plans are for YOUR GOOD! TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE! So that is a lie from the enemy that you are to stand suffering with no victory ahead. Sarah and Abraham couldn't see the future. They just saw what was in front of them from their human point of view. Sarah could no longer have children. Therefore, they had been mistaken about the promise God had given them. They had misunderstood. That was a great lie from the enemy too. Don't believe him Eric. He is a liar and a thief and he is trying to steal your joy. But your joy is a gift from God. Don't let him have that!
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Post by Mary H on Nov 14, 2016 7:35:30 GMT -5
Will be praying for you
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Post by pstokes522 on Nov 14, 2016 9:22:36 GMT -5
Eric - my heart breaks for you 💔. It must be very hard for you. I have family members who are happy in second and third marriages, and I've never been quite sure what to pray for them, so I simply ask that God's will be done. I know that at this point in my life, my call to stand is not about marriage restoration. I think I spent the first 3 years focusing too much on God's promise to restore my marriage and not enough on loving God. Don't get me wrong, my relationship with Christ has grown deeper and more intimate than it's ever been before. He has given me peace that surpasses all earthly peace. But in the back of my mind, I always had the thought that I was standing for 'my marriage'. Now, I'm trying to change my focus - to where I'm standing for Christ. Our country and our world is so messed up. I know we've been praying for a spiritual revival to sweep the land and people will rise up for Christ again. Maybe, just maybe, this is part of Gods plan to use us in this revival. We all know how sexually immoral our country has become. Yet here we are, a group of Christians who are leading our lives each day, without giving ourselves over to the promiscuity that is so prevalent. I know people, sadly in my own family, who have a need to be in a relationship, and it seems anyone will do - the only requirement is they are living and breathing. Maybe we're being raised up to show our families and our communities that true happiness and contentment comes from Christ alone. I know as Christians we are taught that from very early on in our walk, but so many people don't really grasp it. I'm not sure I did until my marriage fell apart. I don't know - I don't have the answers. I know it's hard. And I know that God knows our feeble minds can't handle the 'whole picture' so He gives us our instructions one step at a time. Just continue to be obedient. I'll be praying for you.
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Post by marissaa91 on Nov 14, 2016 22:23:49 GMT -5
I'm sorry Eric. I'll be praying for you. I agree with Patricia. Change your focus to God and his will above all else. You don't have to understand or know what he's planning but just know that it's ultimately for your good. If he restores your wife's first marriage or your marriage with her, stand for Christ above all else and believe that He is good even if he doesn't give you what you want or expect. Just keep praying. Try not to be discouraged. Don't let the enemy steal your joy, still remain in the Lord's goodness through this season. I'll keep praying for you and hope that you feel his peace in this time.
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Post by marissaa91 on Nov 14, 2016 22:28:43 GMT -5
Check out this devotional if you have the You version app. It goes through this couple's struggle with having kids but the study as a whole isn't about fertility it's about Suffering and seeing God's plan unfold in a way you don't expect. It's a really great devotional and maybe it would help. Suffering and God’s Love: A Moving Works Study: bible.com/r/UA |
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Post by tkk2 on Nov 15, 2016 6:27:45 GMT -5
Eric, the bible says we will have great tribulation in this life. Eyes on God.....not your circumstances. Rise above your situation and see the enemy there, tempting and planting seeds of doubt and fear. It's hard to not be lost in the detail of daily life. God opened your eyes and called you to stand.....that is an honor, which requires great faith. So, I'm saying to keep your perspective of the bigger play in action here. You are a strong man that God is using for his glory. I'm praying for her heart to be convicted and I'm praying for your peace and joy in the storm.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 17, 2016 0:24:05 GMT -5
Pat you are so right. The focus needs to just stay on God. I didn't really even realize how God wanted to use my stand until I started seeing things change around me. I knew I was being called to stand for Chris's sake and that God had a great plan for him, but I started talking to my sister often about my stand and my trust in God and...I can't even tell you how God did it, but He changed her heart. She has always been a Christian. 10 years ago, she gave up her daughter for adoption. She didn't want to do it, but she is a martyr by nature and felt obligated and pressured to "do the right thing" and so she did. She has carried that anger and hatred and bitterness around for years. It's dragged her into some dark places. She's been on anti-depressants for years. She's hated our parents, been angry and hurt at me. She goes into deep depressions around mothers day, October (her daughters birthday), all holidays. It's been so hard seeing her just deal with this every day. She really believed that this was just who she was, and after 10 years it really seemed she was. But then I started telling her about my stand and all of the amazing miracles I have witnessed with my own eyes because of God's goodness. And one day a last year, she told me she can't understand how I could possibly be so joyful when my marriage is just in ruins. That she really sees Gods hand on my life, because I am full of joy in the midst of my pain. That I trust in Him and He is my reason for my joy. And after that, she started coming to church with me again. First it was Sundays and now she is coming both Fridays and Sundays. She's started listening to Klove. I see this light growing in her. She's becoming joyful again and that's God doing good work in her. And I know that is just one example of how God is going to use our persistent faiths. We have to stand. Not just for our spouses, but to be witnesses for God. Pat, you are so right! This stand is for Christ, not just our spouses. Yes, they will be the joyful end result of a good and faithful life lived for Christ, but they are not the reason we do it. We do it, because we love God more then anything in this world and because He loves us more then anything.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 17, 2016 0:30:46 GMT -5
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Post by Mary H on Nov 17, 2016 8:07:57 GMT -5
Amen Sharon!!
Praise God that He's using you for His works!
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Post by Adrienne on Nov 18, 2016 21:31:00 GMT -5
Eric, brother, how are you doing? I saw this post a few days ago but have been so busy this week at school that I just haven't been able to respond. I also didn't want to give a rushed response. BUT, after a few days of praying for you, the answer I had a few days ago is still the same today...
My first thought was: Do you really need to know exactly what God's plan is for the future of your marriage? He has already given you clear instructions to stand; are you willing to accept that as enough? I think that as humans we naturally want to have a clear plan (I know I do). We take comfort in knowing what the steps are, what the timeline looks like, etc. But maybe we really need to take comfort in the UNKNOWN - in the fact that God's plans are so much bigger and better than anything we can ever fathom.
So that's my tiny piece of encouragement and/or advice for you... I suggest that you stop asking God for signs of what's going to happen. Instead, maybe consider just asking Him to make it clear to you if His instructions for you change. And keep your heart open to His guidance. Trust that He will be taking care of you as He always has, and of Beverly and your stepdaughter too.
I can only imagine how hard this is, brother. I continue in prayer for you! Remember you're not alone; first and foremost God is with you, and we are here standing in prayer alongside you too.
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Post by Eric W. on Nov 20, 2016 15:24:13 GMT -5
I appreciate the prayers and the advice/wisdom. My questioning and confusion aren't really about my stand. I won't lie, there are days I wish, I could just let it go, and walk away. Sounds like that would be easier. Lies usually are, at least up front. But, that route sounds too much like Jonah running from God's calling and ending up in a whale's belly.
I want my wife back, I want my daughter, but I am confused on how to pray for that right now. I pray for my marriage to be restored, unless its God's will that their first marriage be restored, just like James 1:6. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
James 1:6 KJV. I feel like a wave crashing one way, then the other. Praying for just God's will, some how feels like a catchall.
In all of this, I am reminded of the book of Job. When Hurricane Matthew cause issues a few weeks ago, I spent a few days reading Job again, in my study bible. Job's major sin, recorded in the whole book, was asking God to explain why... The doubt of why me.. The commentary stated, sometimes we won't know the why, or the when, or the how, this side of eternity.
I have to learn to be satisfied with the fact that God is good, and wants good for me. He knows my heart, he knows what I want, even if I don't know how to speak it to him in prayer. I will let the Holy Ghost speak those prayers for me, since I can't right now.
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Post by william on Nov 22, 2016 21:53:24 GMT -5
Brother Eric, I really don't know what to say besides my heart hurts for you. I don't have a verse but I put a clip of a favorite scene from a movie...I don't have the opportunity to talk with my wife, see my children every day, have comfort of being close to my parents/family. I choose everyday when I get up to try and be a little better person than I was the day before. I prepare myself for Gods glory by reading his word, praying, being a light to others, and stand in the gap until God speaks. Brother just keep working on growing yourself in Him. www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAxwS8KyMQQ |
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