Post by Sharon on Oct 16, 2016 23:34:25 GMT -5
Decided to write down just how I'm feeling so I can get it out. I was thinking about all the deployments and my fears for the next one.
"I feel like we say goodbye.
It's okay. We will be okay.
Okay, bye.
And you leave and I watch you and smile.
And you're gone.
And your world is so fun.
It's just full of adventure.
And I'm standing
alone
on the other side of the world
screaming.
And the phone calls are great.
The phone calls are everything.
I mean I'm practically glued to this stupid piece of plastic and glass
while you're gone.
Cause it's all that I have left of us now.
Cause you're gone.
And the phone calls are great.
Well, they're great when they come.
Cause at first they are constant
and so full of life.
And I am so proud to say I am your wife.
And the calls they are great.
Well, they great when they come.
At first they are like you are here.
Then they become unclear.
This the calls are distant.
Inconsistent..
Non-existent...
And I know.
I know.
How can she know? I know. I know.
And I hate you for it. I hate you for it.
I hate you for letting me love you.
How could you let me love you?
And then do this?
And stop loving me? When I love you.
I love you. I loved you."
Guys I'm trying so hard to stop this spiraling. I was kind to Chris when he got home. I was so nice, I made him dinner, had the house cleaned. He was not expecting me to be kind and kiss him and love him and I did it anyways. So he took the chance of me being kind to start talking to me about a full time job in the military. And the money is great and it's only 4 days a week so for sure he will be home more often. How many times has he promised me it's in our best interest. I was kind until he fell asleep. And he told me now that he has an overnight shift tonight and he will be going to work at midnight. Okay. That's fine. Off one job on to the next for the best interest of the family. I asked him when is he ever going to stop working and working and going to school and sit down and enjoy what he's working so hard for? Enjoy his nice home, his things, and his family? He didn't answer that question though. I just miss him. I am not backing down though. Twice this week, first Mary and then my friend Rebecca both said that God allows us to go through these trials so that we will stop being lazy and remember to rely on God. I know God has plans and I'm not supposed to be in the way and I am supposed to trust him and pray and have faith. Please keep praying for me. I'm trying to figure all of this out right now.
"I feel like we say goodbye.
It's okay. We will be okay.
Okay, bye.
And you leave and I watch you and smile.
And you're gone.
And your world is so fun.
It's just full of adventure.
And I'm standing
alone
on the other side of the world
screaming.
And the phone calls are great.
The phone calls are everything.
I mean I'm practically glued to this stupid piece of plastic and glass
while you're gone.
Cause it's all that I have left of us now.
Cause you're gone.
And the phone calls are great.
Well, they're great when they come.
Cause at first they are constant
and so full of life.
And I am so proud to say I am your wife.
And the calls they are great.
Well, they great when they come.
At first they are like you are here.
Then they become unclear.
This the calls are distant.
Inconsistent..
Non-existent...
And I know.
I know.
How can she know? I know. I know.
And I hate you for it. I hate you for it.
I hate you for letting me love you.
How could you let me love you?
And then do this?
And stop loving me? When I love you.
I love you. I loved you."
Guys I'm trying so hard to stop this spiraling. I was kind to Chris when he got home. I was so nice, I made him dinner, had the house cleaned. He was not expecting me to be kind and kiss him and love him and I did it anyways. So he took the chance of me being kind to start talking to me about a full time job in the military. And the money is great and it's only 4 days a week so for sure he will be home more often. How many times has he promised me it's in our best interest. I was kind until he fell asleep. And he told me now that he has an overnight shift tonight and he will be going to work at midnight. Okay. That's fine. Off one job on to the next for the best interest of the family. I asked him when is he ever going to stop working and working and going to school and sit down and enjoy what he's working so hard for? Enjoy his nice home, his things, and his family? He didn't answer that question though. I just miss him. I am not backing down though. Twice this week, first Mary and then my friend Rebecca both said that God allows us to go through these trials so that we will stop being lazy and remember to rely on God. I know God has plans and I'm not supposed to be in the way and I am supposed to trust him and pray and have faith. Please keep praying for me. I'm trying to figure all of this out right now.
