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Post by Adrienne on Oct 2, 2016 16:52:23 GMT -5
We had yet another big fight today, over something small. We are both so exhausted.
He repeated his mantra of essentially "This is your fault, you're always starting stuff every single week, you need to figure yourself out and stop causing problems," and left angry. He eventually came back and again, the same routine: "I love you, I want to be with you, I'm just sick of this and don't know what to do." Yet he doesn't want to talk things out anymore.
I was so angry when he left that I nearly called it quits. I was so close... I know I don't want to end it but he pushes me to the very edge and it makes me want to throw in the towel.
I ended up skipping church today because I felt so angry. I just want it to be easier. I'm so, so tired, and feeling trapped and out of options. Please pray for us, my friends.
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erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81 
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Post by erika on Oct 2, 2016 19:58:40 GMT -5
I'll be praying for you Adrianne, I understand how you feel I have been going thru some problems with my husband but we have to pray about everything and not worry about anything.
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Post by Eric W. on Oct 2, 2016 20:02:14 GMT -5
Tomorrow is the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah, and the 10 year anniversary of my church. So, this month we have had several guest speakers and singers in celebration. During praise and worship before our guest musicians came up, one of our worship leaders made a statement before singing Made Me Glad. She said, "It's easy to praise God when you are on the mountain top, but it is so much more when you can praise him in the valley!" We all know it isn't easy to "feel" praise-full when things are hard. Life is pulling in a hundred directions, our prodigals seem either in another world, or no contact at all. Bills, responsibilities, kids, deadlines, schedules, all pile up... It can be hard to find time to worship and to praise, and it can be even harder sometimes to "feel" like praising. Everything is hard. Is it all worth the effort and work? "They" don't appreciate it anyway. I am the only one fighting for us... Why do I have to do this by myself? Sister, it is worth it! You aren't doing this by yourself. God is right there with you every step of the way! Cheering you on, guiding you, helping you, giving you strength for just one more day.
Our special guest today was The Browder family. The oldest son, Matt preached a bit during the first service about Job. God tells the devil look at my servant Job. There is none like him in the land, he is a righteous man. And the devil says, "Remove that hedge of protection from around him and I will have him serve me!" So, you know the story, God removes the hedge of protection but says don't kill him. So, he loses his family, his fortune, his health. Everything is in ruin and his wife comes to him and says, "Why don't you just curse God and die!" and he responds, "You foolish woman! God gives and he takes away. I know my God is a just God." Matt, went on to say, he didn't feel God was good. He had lost his children, he was sick, everything was falling apart. He didn't "feel" it, but he knew God in his soul. He knew God was good, even when he couldn't feel it.
I think a lot of us fall into this from time to time. We know God is fighting for us, but we are tired of fighting. My wife actually told me that before she filed for divorce. She was tired of fighting it, of it being up in the air. She just wanted a fix. The devil had blinded her, that cutting off her leg would fix the hole in her soul. G, is angry and isn't yet willing to turn to God for what he is really craving. Our marriages aren't really what we are fighting for. Our prodigals very soul is what we are fighting for! Our marriage restoration is just icing on that slice of amazing.
I know I also suffer from praying for my prodigal more than myself. And, that is good and all, but we are under just as much of an attack from the devil as they are if not doubly so, since if he can stop us, or slow us down there are 2 or more souls that are in his grasp.
I will be praying with and for you sister. I hope this didn't come out as harsh, I see myself doing these same things. Last week, I missed service because of an electrical issue at home and this morning was like finding an oasis in the desert for my soul.
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Post by marissaa91 on Oct 2, 2016 23:14:28 GMT -5
Perfectly said Eric! Amen!
Adrienne, I know how you feel. My husband and I go through almost that same song and dance when we fight. We also got in a fight this morning before church. I almost didn't get up to go and waited until evening service. I ended up pushing through it though. I got up and got dressed, we were angry and didn't speak the whole way there. But I knew that pushing through it is exactly what needed to happen.
Keep pushing through the hard stuff Adrienne. I understand how hard and draining it is to fight and be so angry you don't know what do with yourself. But I believe that's when God wants us to push through and seek him, even if we don't feel like it. When I got to church I worshipped and prayed for Garrett but mostly myself. That my light would shine to him and others around us. That God would help me walk in his light cause I obviously don't know how to right now. God softened my heart. Keep praying over him and over yourself. Caring for someone and for a marriage more than another person is hard. One of the hardest things I believe we can do but if God told you to do it then he will give you grace to see it all the way through. He would never bring to something just to watch you fail. I'll keep praying for you and G, I know exactly how you must be feeling. Don't give up. If you ever need to talk message me or I can send you my number.
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Post by tkk2 on Oct 3, 2016 6:23:43 GMT -5
Standing is not easy. We all know this. Eric is right...remember who you are fighting. It's not G, it's Satan. Admittedly standing is hard to practice, especially in the worst moments. I too almost threw in the towel last week after counseling session #4. Im so tired of his anger...these sessions are turning into an avenue to vent. And that's all he does, its unrelenting and draining. I totally understand your feeings right now. It seems nothing is getting better, but I know this is where God wants us .....in these moments that are challenging. I think it's good that G comes back around. That may seem small, but i think that's gid working his heart every time. Stay in prayer girl!
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Post by Adrienne on Oct 3, 2016 11:38:35 GMT -5
Thanks so much my friends, I really appreciate your support and prayers. I know I"m in the right place. It's just tiring, like sitting on a rock in the middle of a river and getting hit by all the water and debris that passes by constantly. But I need to remember to be more grateful for my rock - GOD - who is really bearing the brunt of all this and keeping my head above water!!
I know I need to let go a bit more and stop fixating on G so much. I need to focus more on God and trust Him to get me through this. I do see some positives in G and know that he has changed over these past years... but like Eric said, he's just not ready to really give it his all. He is still wanting a quick fix and he's mad that it hasn't been that way. But it's not my job to open his eyes or change his perspective - God will take care of that. I just need to pray!
Again, I really appreciate your support and your understanding... I know I can do this, because I'm not on my own; God's with me. I'm thinking of all those verses in which Jesus promises that we can come to Him for rest, that He will make our burden light. I just need to lean on Him and let go of this unhealthy anger.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 6, 2016 7:41:59 GMT -5
Sometimes we just need encouragement in the battle Adrienne. You know I'm in this place where you are a lot! It helps me to go back over the last year or last couple years and remind myself where we were. Then I can really see the progress. For most of us, this is a trickle of water shaping the rock instead of a jack hammer and man is that annoying! You see your spouse doing something stupid and want to remind them of the direction they should be going and all the progress they have made and they almost call you crazy, because they didn't do that for you or they just did it to get you off their backs or whatever. These are the enemies lies. Progress towards God and away from selfishness doesn't happen by accident! It happens by a patient shepherd leading his stupid sheep in the right direction. Believe that God is still working and has a plan and remind yourself of how much progress G HAS made, rather then how much further he has to go. And when it is overwhelming and just too much, go to your war room and spend time with God your husband who doesn't do stupid hurtful things and who you can rest in, knowing that you are loved perfectly. You have everything you need and want in God.
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