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Post by Eric W. on Sept 23, 2016 21:02:33 GMT -5
So, I live right behind our house, which has good things and bad. Right now my mind is in overdrive and I am freaking out. It is 9:30 pm and my wife's ex-husband pulls up to the house (this is his weekend with my stepdaughter) and he pulls up and actually into the garage. Normally he parks outside, and sometimes drops her off to sleep at home and then picks her back up on Saturday morning. Tonight he pulls up and my wife comes out in pajama pants and t-shirt. Her normal after work dress code and he pulls into the garage and then her car pulls out of the garage and she closes the garage door and gets into the passenger seat and they drive off.
Those who have known me for a while on here know I struggle with this not being my first marriage or hers. My heart is racing, and my hands are shaking,and I can barely see the screen for tears. I feel broken and hurt all over again from just looking out the window at a noise.
I still feel God is calling me to stand, but right now I am not sure for what. Please pray for me, that he speak to my heart. That he speak loud and clear, that if I am to stand for their original marriage, that he give me comfort and lead me where he would have me go. I want his will more than mine. I want my wife and daughter's happiness more than mine. I pray for direction, clarity, and discernment. On top of everything our Anniversary is in 2 weeks.
Father, I come to you broken and hurting fresh. Lord I don't deserve the blessings and mercy you have already granted me. I thank you, and honor you for today. Father, I hurt and I ask for guidance. Lord, I still feel led to stand, but at the moment I am confused as to what to stand for. Lord speak to Beverly's heart, speak to her circumstances. I ask that you keep my wife and daughter safe and in your arms. Lord, if I am to step out of the way for this marriage of their youth to be rebuilt... Please give me the direction, the strength, and the faith to follow as you lead. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Father, I ask you to speak peace, comfort, and strength over those standing and waiting for their restoration. Guide us, shine your light through us, to this dark and lonely world.
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Post by Mary H on Sept 23, 2016 21:31:51 GMT -5
I'm sorry your going through this brother
I wish I had some great words of comfort but I don't at this time. I'm praying for u tonight
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Post by Adrienne on Sept 24, 2016 8:51:34 GMT -5
Eric, I understand how painful and scary this is and I"m sorry you're having to go through it. I will be praying for peace in your heart and for God's will to be done. The past few days I have been in a rough spot and this verse has really been helping me; I pray it helps you too:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
We are not to know God's plans... we can't understand them, and may never be able to. But God has good plans for us; He promises to take care of us, to work things out for our good if we just follow Him. God has confirmed your stand over and over again in many different ways, brother. I don't know what His map looks like for you, or where the end destination is in His plans - but I trust that He has you (and all of us) where we are for a reason. I encourage you to lean into the Lord and keep your focus on Him. He will take care of Beverly, of your stepdaughter, of her ex, even. And He will take care of you. Cry if you need to, rage for a moment if you need to, but don't forget that God is by your side and He will see you through. Eyes on Him, brother.
I stand in prayer with you and yours, friend.
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Post by leandro on Sept 25, 2016 17:35:21 GMT -5
Eric my brother my heart breaks for you, you are a great guy and you have stand for your family all this time and I admire that, please don't quit first on God and then on you. I know how you are feeling now but believe me god will give you strength to keep going even though it looks like there is no way out. My friend please stay strong in the lord I will have you in my prayers he will sustain you and will not let yo down.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 26, 2016 0:00:52 GMT -5
Eric - I can't even pretend to know how you are feeling right now. I was married once before, very young and was married less than a year. At the time my 1st husband left me, I did pray and seek the Lord, but I was not called to stand. I met D a couple of years later and we were married about 4 years after my first divorce. I was D's first and only wife. My first husband passed away about 15 years into my marriage to D. So when I was called to stand, I know it was to him.
I don't know what my confusion would be if my first husband had not passed on. Or if D had been married before. But I do think God will guide you to exactly where He wants you to be. You just have to keep the faith and keep following Him. He has spoken promises to you of a restored future, full of love and joy, and He will fulfill that promise. It may not look at all like what you imagine, but it will be better than what you imagine, not less than. God always gives us MORE than we can hope for or imagine.
I am curious tho, what about your first wife? What is your relationship to her? Others on here may know from the KLOVE days, but that was before I was in this group. And you don't have to answer - it really isn't any of my business. God knows the situation. I'll be praying for you.
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Post by Eric W. on Sept 26, 2016 5:42:07 GMT -5
It feels like I have been under attack all weekend. Just one thing after another.
Adrienne - thank you for those verses. Not only is that one of my personal favorite scriptures, but it was brought up to me several times this weekend.
As for my previous marriages... My first marriage was when I was 17 (she was 21). And honestly it was as much me trying to be independent, and a stubborn teenager as much as anything else. We were divorced when I was 19. Long story short she wanted children and at 18 I had no idea how to take care of and support them. Our divorce was final in April and she was remarried in July. To the best of my knowledge they have 2 or 3 kids. I was never called to fight or to stand. I was just broken.
My second wife, we met playing an online video game. We talked in the game for almost a year before we started connecting via phone calls. The whole long distance relationship thing is hard, and we got engaged and moved in together while she was going to grad school. She finished up her course work and we found a home in her home town and she worked at a university while working on her dissertation. Her dissertation deadline for the job came and she still wasn't ready, so they gave her an extension and she still wasn't ready. Honestly, I don't know what all happened here. I caught her one night having cyber sex with someone she had met online, and confronted her about it. I think she had a mid-life crisis and wasn't happy with where her life was and just wanted to change everything. I tried to stand in my own power, I don't think God called me to stand, or if he did I didn't understand it.
My third wife, we met online via Facebook, through a mutual friend. We hit things off, and I fell head over heels for her, and her little girl. We were engaged and married that same year. She had lap band surgery and had some issues with that. She wasn't losing weight as quickly as she wanted and started on anti-depressants. We were talking about having a baby, and she came off the anti-depressants so we could try, and suddenly she didn't love me, she never did... I was just the safe choice, the "right" choice...
I prayed, I cried, I contemplated suicide... I went through a rough time, and God called me to stand. "Be still, and know that I am God" Even today, after this rough weekend of attack after attack, I don't doubt my stand. I am still confused about my direction, but I don't doubt he has called me to stand. If anything, the attacks this weekend show I am on the right path, or the devil wouldn't be trying so hard to dissuade me.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 26, 2016 8:44:51 GMT -5
I'm sorry that you've been through so much in your life. I saw my husband last week, and there was a difference in me this time. It's hard to explain...I wasn't anxious and nervous like before, but I also wasn't walking on cloud nine because of the opportunity to see him. I just was content. Content with where the Lord has me right now. Content being alone - just me & Jesus. I think that's where God wants us all to be. Just happy to wake up in the morning and be able to fellowship with Him. Then we take everything Life throws at us and know that no matter what, the core of our life isn't going to change. Because at that core is Jesus, and he never changes. I'm sure you've heard that song, God bless the broken road that led me straight to you. I know it's meant to be about finding another human love, but for us, at the end of the broken road is Our Lord. I pray he gives you His peace. Peace that surpasses ALL understanding. I pray He gives you contentment and clarity in this difficult situation. You are doing the right thing, reaching out to those who love you and understand what you're going through. I will continue to pray for you. I pray you have a blessed week.
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Post by marissaa91 on Sept 26, 2016 9:54:40 GMT -5
Oh I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you must've been feeling this weekend, or even now. I will lift you up in prayer, please don't get discouraged. God has something great in store for you and your family. If it's what you want or if it isn't what you want or expect, know that God’s plans are greater than ours and that he does everything for good and not evil. God will heal your broken heart and put you on a path that he carved out just for you. You are special and loved and wanted, don't let what you saw this weekend make you feel otherwise. God loves you and your family. Trust in Him, continue to seek God, and God will take care of the rest. I'll be praying for you and everyone involved.
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Post by Sharon on Sept 26, 2016 10:57:14 GMT -5
Eric when you have a chance read Abrams story in Genesis again. He and his wife were promised a son when Sarah was on her sixties. And when Abram believed the promise, God credited it to him as righteousness. But after years, when a baby seemed improbable, they started to doubt. They started to think the promise was something to "accomplish" rather then a gift. And so Sarah gave Hagar to Abram to accomplish the goal. In her own strength, she needed to fix this thing that God obviously wasn't going to, regardless of the promise. If she had waited, she would have realized God didn't want to do it when it was improbable. He wanted to do it when it was IMPOSSIBLE! When she didn't have a period and could no longer bear children. So that everyone that saw Isaac would know he was the result of a miracle, a promise from God fulfilled, and that God would be glorified through it. Brother I know in your head, you believe you are standing for YOUR marriage, but your heart is having a hard time coming along for the ride, because the evidence doesn't show. God sees your deep faith Eric. He doesn't intend to incrementally, but miraculously heal your marriage. Maybe her ex husband is like Hagar. A way of accomplishing a promise of marriage restoration that maybe you wife has heard. But in her own strength she is doing it, instead of trusting in God to fulfill his promise and do a miracle. God is not calling you to stand because He intends to leave you here brother. He calls you to stand because He sees your great faith and He intends to do a miracle here
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Post by Adrienne on Sept 26, 2016 11:58:17 GMT -5
Sharon, I love that example; it really speaks to me. Eric, I continue in prayer for you, brother.
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Post by william on Sept 27, 2016 21:37:27 GMT -5
Brother Eric,
All I can say & hope is that you know & realize that you are not alone in your feelings, we feel it to as does our Father. I wish I could take even some of the pain & heartache you feel away, though it's not possible i do suffer beside you brother and will lift you up in prayers.
Today as I was thinking of our group the thoughts of a couple things kept coming to mind. First, as we all know very well we each go thru times of a spiritual darkness or times where we just can't feel God in our moment. That feeling is confusing, scary and tormenting for us as standers. When we look back & read Gods words we see that we are not alone in this at all. Elijah, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, and Jesus himself in the Garden of Gethsemane & on the Cross as he cried out " My God, my God why have you forsaken me? " (Mark 15:34). ' The Confessions of Jeremiah ' the passages are Jeremiah 11:18-23, 12: 1-6, 15:10-21, 17:9-10, 14-18, 18:18-23, and 20:7-18. In the confessions Jeremiah is in personal prayer crying out to God. I find they give me some peace and renew my vows to seek out God and hope they may speak to you.
I love water, any & all types...streams, rivers, oceans, and rain. It's goofy and silly I know but water is perfect when you think of it. It never truly disappears...it can clean, reveal, transport, and transform even the largest obstacle in its path...not by forcing it but thru steady perserverance it widdles away a little at a time...sometimes it creates its own path around the obstacle blocking it...but the water always wins. The point I am trying to make is that as you, me and all of us continue to seek & press into God for our path with His principles, His heart, and with His words...He is in us & His Spirit guides us as if we are the water and no obstacle will win...it may take a detour but in the end it will get to its destination. Keep your head up my brother, and know that I am behind you lifting you up to our Father in prayer. You are a blessing to many of us on here, I can say with a true heart that numerous times your faith and God inspired words have given me strength to stand when I wanted to fall and I will do all I can to lift you up my friend.
With love & prayers...
William.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 28, 2016 8:55:32 GMT -5
I love those beautiful words William! Thank you for always being a constant source of encouragement.
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Post by Eric W. on Sept 28, 2016 22:10:55 GMT -5
I want to thank you all. Your words of encouragement have helped me greatly over the past week or so. Sharon, thank you for the reminder of the history of Abraham and Sarah. God has spoken to me with that very story in the past. Pstokes, thank you for asking about my past and caring about the response. I watered them down and shortened them, and know I have responsibility and consequences that were my fault in each case. I know that all of yesterday has been what has made me the man I am today, and it is good to remember that from time to time. William, brother, as always you have a way with words. Water, and the streams of life is a perfect depiction of God wrapping his love around us, of flowing and directing our paths. Awesome words, brother. All of you, thank you for the prayers. My stand hasn't wavered, but my feeble heart has cried out. As Sharon said, I know it in my mind, but am having a hard time feeling it with my heart. And in tonight's service the title of the sermon was Winning over Worrying. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 KJV bible.com/1/php.4.6-7.KJV To summarize, Don't worry, be happy! Be happy, don't worry! I have given it back to God, and plan to sleep like a baby tonight. |
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Post by tkk2 on Sept 29, 2016 6:13:05 GMT -5
Eric, the doubts and fears get us all. But you have a calling to stand. It's hard when a mini-crisis pops up. I had one myself this week. I can't blame these situations on Satan, because what if it's God wanting us to flex? And grow. My best advice is to keep pouring out the love. God will reveal truths in time. Stay strong my friend.
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