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Post by tkk2 on Sept 14, 2016 22:22:06 GMT -5
We had counseling session #3 today. Im just so sad. Dana is hurting so much. I feel so left out of his life....not just now because we're separated. It's one thing to have an affair.... but he never told me about his abusive childhood. That actually feels like a bigger secret to me. I don't know if that makes sense to you all. He was less outwardly angry today. But still so negative. I've always been a helper to him and tried to make our home and life pleasant and fun. But all the good is erased in one swoop when he makes a negative comment. Its so draining. I'm even doubting my stand today.
It doesn't help that i injured myself over the weekend. Can barely sit or stand.....my hip and pelvis. I feel like I'm being attacked.
Dana felt bad for me and came over Monday night and cooked dinner for us....so sweet! My heart was smiling.
But then today i mention that divorce #2 is final a week from Monday....you might remember he exteded it 60 days. He has to decide. He mentioned a legal separation. I dont want to be held hostage in that way. He wants to continue counseling, so that tells me he's willing to try. In that case, then he needs to be all in. Its not fair that he gets to try counseling and then get a divorce when it doesn't go his way. I'm not asking him to move home....i know he's not ready. But i am asking for a clean shot at starting over.
So, tonight my hip hurts and my heart hurts...feeling down. Thanks for reading this novel. And please keep praying. I pray for you all often.....im so blessed by you all.
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Post by william on Sept 14, 2016 22:32:23 GMT -5
Sister TKK,
I will be praying for you and Dana. I wish I had some great words of insight to give but I don't at the moment but what I do know is that this is all part of Gods plans for you both. Keep trusting in the Father.
I want to share a quote I read daily (it's taped to my door along with others) when I leave my place,
Had I not fallen, I would not have arisen. Had I not been subject to darkness, I could not have seen the light. -MidRash-
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Post by Mary H on Sept 14, 2016 23:20:01 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you sister! I will be praying for you guys. Please let me warn you.. DONT ASK HIM TO MOVE FORWARD WITH YOU.
I relate so much with you.. How Dana is sound like Tony to a T. When tony came back home, it was all good for the first month, then I started expecting him to commit. He wasn't ready.. But it wasn't fair to me & didn't seem right.. So i gently pushed it rather than flat out demanding it.. Every gentle pressure pushed him farther & farther.. until he was so fat out of my reach & I decided then to demand for him to commit or don't live together... So he left.. It's been almost 4 months now of almost no communication.. He recently said he's getting ready to finally go through with the divorce... Please, just let him be. I know the rejection hurts... Please just be thankful that he's wanting to try a little bit.. Let him lead even if he leads to divorce..
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Post by Mary H on Sept 14, 2016 23:20:11 GMT -5
Praying for your healing
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Post by Adrienne on Sept 15, 2016 8:19:52 GMT -5
Hey, Timi. I'm so sorry about these painful feelings you two are experiencing, and about your injury.
I can definitely understand that "left out" feeling: we all want to think that our partners can confide in us and trust all their secrets in us, because I think that's part of God's plan for marriage. Two lives totally becoming one, right? I encourage you to continue praying in this area: you may need to pray for God to help you forgive Dana, not just for the affair and for the divorce motions but also for not sharing this big thing with you any sooner.
I also agree with Mary. I know it's hard but I don't think you should push him to make a decision. Of course it doesn't feel fair - the thing is that no, it's not fair, and none of us deserve this. But "fair" isn't what this stand is about... it's about following God's will and also making ourselves (through the Holy Spirit) into models of His grace and love for our partners. I will be praying for increased strength and resolve to you to keep your eyes on God and remember to focus on His plan, rather than your own ideas for your marriage.
I will also be praying for your physical healing - I hope you recover soon!
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Post by Sharon on Sept 15, 2016 8:54:44 GMT -5
Hey TK, Dana obviously has a lot of deep wounds from his childhood that were never addressed that have shaped him into who he is now. I understand you being hurt that he didn't share this, but there was obviously evidence of that in the marriage. We all know because we've all experienced it, that when a wound is deep and hasn't been cleaned or addressed properly, it is like reliving it and actually feeling the pain again when you do go back to it. So in that sense, it makes sense that he put up defenses to protect it and hide it instead of working through it with you. Praise God that he is doing individual counseling now to address it. He needs to kill that bitter root before he can mend the marriage. I am not saying divorce is right, but try to be forgiving if he is talking about holding things in limbo instead of jumping back into dating and loving each other and moving in. He obviously needs time to sort out years of issues. Just trust God TK. He is working on Dana and in His time, He will restore your marriage.
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Post by tkk2 on Sept 20, 2016 4:54:41 GMT -5
A quick update....my attorney left me a vmail late evening last night....saying he had a long, pleasant conversation with Dana. And that Dana wants to stop the divorce completely...Praise God!! I hung up and just sobbed because GOD is great!
On another note, my physical healing is slow.....turns out i tore one or both ligaments in my pelvis on the left side. I'm better each day, but please continue to pray please.
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Post by Mary H on Sept 20, 2016 7:13:36 GMT -5
Oh praise God!!!! How amazing!!!! I'm sobbing with you sister!! It's just so amazing how Hedraws people in & softens the hardest hearts... I'm so happy for you! Please stay on track & seek God EVEN MORE (I know, that sounds impossible) when Dana moves back home.
Please never again get comfortable with your marriage & always be on gaurd looking for the enemy's schemes at all times. Praise you Lord!!!
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Post by leandro on Sept 20, 2016 8:02:28 GMT -5
Tk that's great to hear!!! I'm very happy for you and Dana, God is good and faithful. Keep strong !!
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erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81 
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Post by erika on Sept 20, 2016 14:08:13 GMT -5
Praise God !!! I'm so happy for you !!!
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Post by Adrienne on Sept 20, 2016 17:17:31 GMT -5
Praise God for this amazing testimony! It's like Mary commented above, God can soften even the most hardened of hards. What a beautiful reminder! I urge you to stay strong in prayer and praise, sister. And I will continue praying for your physical healing - keep us posted, please!
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Post by Sharon on Sept 22, 2016 8:55:11 GMT -5
I just saw this post and I am so overjoyed! The work continues TK! Like Mary said, don't get comfortable and lazy. Press harder into God, pray more then ever. And trust God. He will move home and you will be happy thinking it gets easier, but it almost gets harder. You have to press into your relationship with God for a man who is vying for your attention too, so don't get lazy sister! This is such a miracle. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12. This will be a new season in your stand and you might not know how to do it right, right away, but keep following Christ and you will be on the right path.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 22, 2016 23:21:25 GMT -5
I'm so happy for you TK! I'm not even sure what to say except Praise God! You're on the way to restoration.
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Post by marissaa91 on Sept 26, 2016 9:33:02 GMT -5
I just saw this but praise the Lord! What an amazing blessing! Like Mary said continue to press in to God. I'm so over joyed for you, you both can heal from your past and go forward with a full and amazing marriage ♡♡♡
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Post by Eric W. on Sept 26, 2016 17:49:11 GMT -5
Hallelujah! Praise God.
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