Post by Sharon on Sept 10, 2016 13:44:19 GMT -5
Chris had to go to the base today to find out about his next deployment. It was either to Afghanistan or Japan, but now they're sure it is Japan. I'm afraid again. Obviously I'm afraid. He had a girlfriend for 3 months in Korea. He really is attracted to Asian women and temptation will be all around him there. I wrote this letter to him, but I haven't given it to him yet.
I need you to understand some of the spiritual trials I am facing because of another deployment. I am not writing this to guilt you or to make you think less of me or less of your deployment, but I need you to understand the battle I am enduring. God calls us to endure battles though to strengthen our relationship and bond to Him, so I will trust in God. He has a plan for this for me.
My initial sin nature reaction to you deploying again, which I am sure you can understand, is that I am angry and hurt. I want to lash out and hurt back. I don’t have trust. I have lots of fear. I am scared of what you will do when left to your own devices. I am afraid that you will cheat again. I am afraid that your friends will be bad influences. I am scared you will spend too much money again. I am worried that financially we will suffer because of that. I am sad because you will likely miss important dates again. My birthday or our anniversary. I am angry that you will have fun while I have to stay home and take care of the kids by myself again. I am sad that I will have to miss you and feel that you will not miss me. This is my human sin nature speaking. Like I said, God has called me through this trial before. And He has strengthened me and built up my resolve in Him in those times. He has reminded me that I don’t have to be with you all the time. That I am strong in God and that He is my husband when you are not home. That He is my provider. He helps me with my day to day problems when you can’t. That I have God sized holes in my heart too that only the Lord can fill and I need you to go away sometimes, so that those can be strengthened with him. And that He has a plan for me and it is good. It is much better than my plan for myself. So I have to trust in God that He has a plan for this too and a purpose. Although I am afraid and sad, I know that God has awesome plans for me in this.
Last time when you were gone, God built up strength in me. I grew so close to Him that it was like He really was my husband. Every day that went by was a day closer to Him. I am sad, because I felt like you and I grew so far apart in that time, but I grew so much closer to God. I am afraid of losing you, but God has made promises for our future that He wouldn’t have made if He did not intend us to be together. God hasn’t called you to be my idol anymore and you were for such a long time. I would plan conversations with you in my mind, as if I was praying to you. I don’t do that anymore. I pray now that whatever comes out of my mouth to you be from God. I want you to know how I feel about this, because I don’t want to respond to anything with my sin nature. So if you do say something about the deployment and I hesitate, please understand that it is not that I disagree with your deploying, but that I have to pause and pray for God to guide my words, instead of allowing my sin nature to answer. I don’t want to push you away from God or away from me and I don’t want you to make decisions because of my sin nature. I am selfish. Of course in my flesh I don’t want you to go. I am scared. But God has always been my provider and taken care of me and I know He will again while you are gone. And God also has a plan for you with these deployments. Maybe he has someone he needs you to witness to, one of your guys you are going with or someone you meet while you are there. Or maybe He wants to prove to you that with Him as your strength, you CAN and WILL overcome temptation from the devil. I want you badly in my flesh, but I don’t need you in my spirit. You don’t need me in your spirit either. You do need God. We need God more than anything and He will take care of us. You don’t have to be worried about me. And my sin nature worries about you, but I WILL trust in God. He is your protector too.
I am praying now that the fear would be lifted from me. I am praying that God would put a protection around you. That you would recognize the enemy when you see him in your friend’s invitations, in a woman’s flirting, in the decisions you will make, where you will go, and who you will associate with. I pray that you would flee from the enemy. That you would run fast away from the woman on the corner who calls out to tempt men into her bed and destroy them. Proverbs 7:6-27 says “At the window of my house I looked down through the lattice. I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense. He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. (She is unruly and defiant, her feet never stay at home; now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.) She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home. So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon.” With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.”
Chris, I will be praying for you every day and my hope is that you will be praying too. Pray for me and for the kids, but more importantly pray for yourself. Cast the devil away from you, speaking out loud “In Jesus name leave” when he comes near to you and tempts you. I am afraid, but you have proven over these last few months, that you are not commanded by the enemy. God is protecting you. He loves you and He has huge plans for you. I trust God and I know He will be with you in everything that you do. You have a choice and you can choose God. And these last few months you have chosen God. I know in your heart you are his son, but you have to keep pursuing him. Don’t let the enemy trap you. He will definitely try to Chris. You remember what our counselor said, that the enemy can’t read your mind. He only can try things that he has seen work before in the past. He saw it work in Korea. He saw it work on other deployments. He will try again. He will bring women around you that will be attracted to you. He will bring friends around you that will encourage you to step into the devils traps, instead of pursue after the Lord. It will absolutely happen, but you have to decide now if you will fall into those traps or if you will flee from them. And when the time comes you have to follow through on that. If you want to be God’s tool, please choose God when temptation is great. God has huge amazing plans for you and it starts here. Trust God too Chris, that His plans for you are better than your own plans for yourself. Then your sin nature.
Friends please pray for me. I haven't given him the letter and I am unsure if I should. I am feeling anger and pain in my heart again, but I want to push away from that and just focus on God. I need prayer for strength. I'm not sure how to react to this and I really need Gods wisdom right now.
I wouldn't say it to Chris, but I will say it to you guys. I'm really angry. I feel abandoned all over again. It's like I just started trusting him again and starting believing he was changing and now I'm putting up my walls and trying to push him away again, because I'm hurt and I don't want him to go. I hate him that he keeps going. He doesn't have to. He's choosing to. And I can't help myself, but be angry about that. I ask him not to and he does anyways. Like he can't really truly care about me, because he doesn't act like he cares. He doesn't let my feelings about this waver his decision. It's okay...I know truly deep in my heart that God has a plan for this. That maybe it's not that Chris is acting with selfishness, but that God has a plan to prove to me that Chris can be trusted and a plan for him to speak Gods word to some people out there. I don't know. I'm so conflicted, because I don't think he cares about God that much. But his relationship with God is something he keeps to himself these days. He doesn't come to church much. He doesn't read devotionals, but he does let me pray for him. He won't pray himself, but he will let me pray. I just hope God can intervene in my heart today, because I'm so upset. It makes me want to shut down and hide again. I don't want to be loving or forgiving or supportive. I want to be selfish and angry and hurt. I need God to intervene.
I need you to understand some of the spiritual trials I am facing because of another deployment. I am not writing this to guilt you or to make you think less of me or less of your deployment, but I need you to understand the battle I am enduring. God calls us to endure battles though to strengthen our relationship and bond to Him, so I will trust in God. He has a plan for this for me.
My initial sin nature reaction to you deploying again, which I am sure you can understand, is that I am angry and hurt. I want to lash out and hurt back. I don’t have trust. I have lots of fear. I am scared of what you will do when left to your own devices. I am afraid that you will cheat again. I am afraid that your friends will be bad influences. I am scared you will spend too much money again. I am worried that financially we will suffer because of that. I am sad because you will likely miss important dates again. My birthday or our anniversary. I am angry that you will have fun while I have to stay home and take care of the kids by myself again. I am sad that I will have to miss you and feel that you will not miss me. This is my human sin nature speaking. Like I said, God has called me through this trial before. And He has strengthened me and built up my resolve in Him in those times. He has reminded me that I don’t have to be with you all the time. That I am strong in God and that He is my husband when you are not home. That He is my provider. He helps me with my day to day problems when you can’t. That I have God sized holes in my heart too that only the Lord can fill and I need you to go away sometimes, so that those can be strengthened with him. And that He has a plan for me and it is good. It is much better than my plan for myself. So I have to trust in God that He has a plan for this too and a purpose. Although I am afraid and sad, I know that God has awesome plans for me in this.
Last time when you were gone, God built up strength in me. I grew so close to Him that it was like He really was my husband. Every day that went by was a day closer to Him. I am sad, because I felt like you and I grew so far apart in that time, but I grew so much closer to God. I am afraid of losing you, but God has made promises for our future that He wouldn’t have made if He did not intend us to be together. God hasn’t called you to be my idol anymore and you were for such a long time. I would plan conversations with you in my mind, as if I was praying to you. I don’t do that anymore. I pray now that whatever comes out of my mouth to you be from God. I want you to know how I feel about this, because I don’t want to respond to anything with my sin nature. So if you do say something about the deployment and I hesitate, please understand that it is not that I disagree with your deploying, but that I have to pause and pray for God to guide my words, instead of allowing my sin nature to answer. I don’t want to push you away from God or away from me and I don’t want you to make decisions because of my sin nature. I am selfish. Of course in my flesh I don’t want you to go. I am scared. But God has always been my provider and taken care of me and I know He will again while you are gone. And God also has a plan for you with these deployments. Maybe he has someone he needs you to witness to, one of your guys you are going with or someone you meet while you are there. Or maybe He wants to prove to you that with Him as your strength, you CAN and WILL overcome temptation from the devil. I want you badly in my flesh, but I don’t need you in my spirit. You don’t need me in your spirit either. You do need God. We need God more than anything and He will take care of us. You don’t have to be worried about me. And my sin nature worries about you, but I WILL trust in God. He is your protector too.
I am praying now that the fear would be lifted from me. I am praying that God would put a protection around you. That you would recognize the enemy when you see him in your friend’s invitations, in a woman’s flirting, in the decisions you will make, where you will go, and who you will associate with. I pray that you would flee from the enemy. That you would run fast away from the woman on the corner who calls out to tempt men into her bed and destroy them. Proverbs 7:6-27 says “At the window of my house I looked down through the lattice. I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who had no sense. He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent. (She is unruly and defiant, her feet never stay at home; now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.) She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home. So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon.” With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.”
Chris, I will be praying for you every day and my hope is that you will be praying too. Pray for me and for the kids, but more importantly pray for yourself. Cast the devil away from you, speaking out loud “In Jesus name leave” when he comes near to you and tempts you. I am afraid, but you have proven over these last few months, that you are not commanded by the enemy. God is protecting you. He loves you and He has huge plans for you. I trust God and I know He will be with you in everything that you do. You have a choice and you can choose God. And these last few months you have chosen God. I know in your heart you are his son, but you have to keep pursuing him. Don’t let the enemy trap you. He will definitely try to Chris. You remember what our counselor said, that the enemy can’t read your mind. He only can try things that he has seen work before in the past. He saw it work in Korea. He saw it work on other deployments. He will try again. He will bring women around you that will be attracted to you. He will bring friends around you that will encourage you to step into the devils traps, instead of pursue after the Lord. It will absolutely happen, but you have to decide now if you will fall into those traps or if you will flee from them. And when the time comes you have to follow through on that. If you want to be God’s tool, please choose God when temptation is great. God has huge amazing plans for you and it starts here. Trust God too Chris, that His plans for you are better than your own plans for yourself. Then your sin nature.
Friends please pray for me. I haven't given him the letter and I am unsure if I should. I am feeling anger and pain in my heart again, but I want to push away from that and just focus on God. I need prayer for strength. I'm not sure how to react to this and I really need Gods wisdom right now.
I wouldn't say it to Chris, but I will say it to you guys. I'm really angry. I feel abandoned all over again. It's like I just started trusting him again and starting believing he was changing and now I'm putting up my walls and trying to push him away again, because I'm hurt and I don't want him to go. I hate him that he keeps going. He doesn't have to. He's choosing to. And I can't help myself, but be angry about that. I ask him not to and he does anyways. Like he can't really truly care about me, because he doesn't act like he cares. He doesn't let my feelings about this waver his decision. It's okay...I know truly deep in my heart that God has a plan for this. That maybe it's not that Chris is acting with selfishness, but that God has a plan to prove to me that Chris can be trusted and a plan for him to speak Gods word to some people out there. I don't know. I'm so conflicted, because I don't think he cares about God that much. But his relationship with God is something he keeps to himself these days. He doesn't come to church much. He doesn't read devotionals, but he does let me pray for him. He won't pray himself, but he will let me pray. I just hope God can intervene in my heart today, because I'm so upset. It makes me want to shut down and hide again. I don't want to be loving or forgiving or supportive. I want to be selfish and angry and hurt. I need God to intervene.
