Post by Eric W. on Sept 10, 2016 8:20:24 GMT -5
First off, thank you, Sharon for the kick in the rear. I am checking the site multiple times a day, just not posting much out of laziness I guess.
As for where I am right now. I feel like I am in a holding pattern. I am praying, but it feels like prayers of gimme, gimme, gimme. Not the praise and worship prayers as much.
I am reading daily devotionals, some days multiple devotionals, but my Bible reading as a side has basically stopped. I decided I wanted to read through the whole bible before I went into in depth study of specific books, and as I was reading, I got bogged down in the book of Psalms, so I skipped it and read through to Revelations. Now I have sat at going back to Psalms for months, and I just haven't been able to get the steam up to go through. Books like 1 and 2 Kings, Judges, Samuel they followed a chronological order from chapter to chapter, but Psalms each chapter is an entity to its own. So i was reading 10, 20, sometimes 30 chapters a night, but Psalms I just can't seem to get my head to wrap around it like that, so I let the devil stop me.
Sitting here thinking about this to actually write it makes me feel ashamed and energized to FIX this problem. I am going to refocus and read one or two chapters a day. At that pace I can have it read in roughly 2 months, and I am OK with that time frame.
October 7th, is our Anniversary. The divorce as far as the world is concerned has gone through. I don't know exactly what I am going to do, to celebrate the day yet, I also haven't decided on what to get her either. A card left at the front door, mailed, hand delivered, a phone call, an actual present. I am still keeping my distance as much as possible to give her space. I don't know if that's right or not, but it's what I have been doing. Maybe I am doing it for me to keep me from feeling rejection. I haven't seen my stepdaughter for more than a few minutes here and there in months.
Labor day weekend her family went to the beach, and that was supposed to be my stepdaughter's weekend with her biological dad. I saw on Facebook that he was with her family fishing at the beach. I don't know if he stayed with them for the weekend or visited with them for the day/fishing.
I still pray for God's will, for God's timing. That if he wants to rebuild her first marriage, that he speak clearly to me. That I can follow where he leads. I will fight til the end of the earth for my marriage, regardless of the outcome. My parents don't really understand it, but if I die alone waiting and standing, at least I can greet Jesus knowing I tried my hardest. And I am OK with that outcome, it isn't the one I want, but I am OK with that "worst case".
I seem to have rambled on a bit this morning. I love you all, brothers and sisters. May God's mercy and Blessings follow you each today.
As for where I am right now. I feel like I am in a holding pattern. I am praying, but it feels like prayers of gimme, gimme, gimme. Not the praise and worship prayers as much.
I am reading daily devotionals, some days multiple devotionals, but my Bible reading as a side has basically stopped. I decided I wanted to read through the whole bible before I went into in depth study of specific books, and as I was reading, I got bogged down in the book of Psalms, so I skipped it and read through to Revelations. Now I have sat at going back to Psalms for months, and I just haven't been able to get the steam up to go through. Books like 1 and 2 Kings, Judges, Samuel they followed a chronological order from chapter to chapter, but Psalms each chapter is an entity to its own. So i was reading 10, 20, sometimes 30 chapters a night, but Psalms I just can't seem to get my head to wrap around it like that, so I let the devil stop me.
Sitting here thinking about this to actually write it makes me feel ashamed and energized to FIX this problem. I am going to refocus and read one or two chapters a day. At that pace I can have it read in roughly 2 months, and I am OK with that time frame.
October 7th, is our Anniversary. The divorce as far as the world is concerned has gone through. I don't know exactly what I am going to do, to celebrate the day yet, I also haven't decided on what to get her either. A card left at the front door, mailed, hand delivered, a phone call, an actual present. I am still keeping my distance as much as possible to give her space. I don't know if that's right or not, but it's what I have been doing. Maybe I am doing it for me to keep me from feeling rejection. I haven't seen my stepdaughter for more than a few minutes here and there in months.
Labor day weekend her family went to the beach, and that was supposed to be my stepdaughter's weekend with her biological dad. I saw on Facebook that he was with her family fishing at the beach. I don't know if he stayed with them for the weekend or visited with them for the day/fishing.
I still pray for God's will, for God's timing. That if he wants to rebuild her first marriage, that he speak clearly to me. That I can follow where he leads. I will fight til the end of the earth for my marriage, regardless of the outcome. My parents don't really understand it, but if I die alone waiting and standing, at least I can greet Jesus knowing I tried my hardest. And I am OK with that outcome, it isn't the one I want, but I am OK with that "worst case".
I seem to have rambled on a bit this morning. I love you all, brothers and sisters. May God's mercy and Blessings follow you each today.
