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Post by tschnelli on Aug 27, 2016 18:59:33 GMT -5
I went with my wife and her family to the 49er game last night. It ended up being the right thing to do. I had a good friend remind me that she is my bride and reached out to me. I wouldn't want to risk pushing her away from asking again by saying no if it wouldn't hurt our relationship in the long run.
On the way to the game, she brought up a lot of topics that were pointing to the way we act and who we are. It was good opportunity to talk a little and explain what we have done doesn't make us who we are. After we talked, while her dad was driving, she laid down and took a nap on my shoulder.
During tailgating and the game, she was on her phone a lot and sending photos to friends. Cropping me out of the family photos. It was painful but I kept a smile and we enjoyed the game as a family.
On the drive home, she promptly snuggled up to me and laid across my lap in the back seat and went to bed. She asked me if I would play with her hair. I was able to play with her hair until she fell asleep and then prayed over her while laying hands on her. She would wake up every once in a while and smile at me and say hi and then fall asleep again. When I dropped her off at home, she gave me a hug and thanked me for coming.
It was a good day, and being able to look at her and hold her while she peacefully slept, was a very special moment. But I am confused now. The mixed signals were difficult to understand. I know she is struggling and confused, and probably scared. So all I wanted to do was be there for her and love her well.
I guess I am just curious if you all have any input or can read anything from this? I have been praying for continual guidance and comfort. Praying she will draw nearer to Him.
Thanks guys. Hope you are all doing well.
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Post by Mary H on Aug 27, 2016 20:50:21 GMT -5
I don't have any advice or answer for you other than well done brother.
I will be praying for you & your bride tonight forsure
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Post by tkk2 on Aug 27, 2016 21:37:16 GMT -5
Praise the lord! Its great to hear that she is treating you so kindly....thats much more personal and important than her game face with friends. Stay on guard.....satan tries harder when things are going well. Stay in prayer and in reading the bible.
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Post by tschnelli on Aug 28, 2016 9:35:54 GMT -5
Thanks mary. I appreciate it. she is still living on her own and not communicating much, but it may have been a step forward.
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Post by tschnelli on Aug 28, 2016 9:36:52 GMT -5
Thanks tkk2! I am in the word daily. It is what sustains me.
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Post by Sharon on Aug 28, 2016 20:27:44 GMT -5
Yeah that sounds a lot like how I used to act with Chris too. I wasn't letting God lead me then, so I wanted to be loving because I didn't want my husband to give up on me but I also wanted to show him I was still hurt and not to think things were just all better because I was being nice. It's a really weird place to be. I am sure she cares very much and loves you but she still has walls up and is scared of being hurt again. Just keep being Christ like to her brother. Show her that you have changed. That she can take the walls down without being afraid of you.
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Post by tschnelli on Aug 29, 2016 8:52:56 GMT -5
Yeah that sounds a lot like how I used to act with Chris too. I wasn't letting God lead me then, so I wanted to be loving because I didn't want my husband to give up on me but I also wanted to show him I was still hurt and not to think things were just all better because I was being nice. It's a really weird place to be. I am sure she cares very much and loves you but she still has walls up and is scared of being hurt again. Just keep being Christ like to her brother. Show her that you have changed. That she can take the walls down without being afraid of you. Sharon, I am not sure what you mean by afraid of me. She was the unfaithful one and left me. I have remained faithful and continued to pursue her through all she has done. Please clarify. |
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Post by Mary H on Aug 29, 2016 14:23:43 GMT -5
She most likely cheated because she was lacking somthing from you. In all the stories I've herd, that is almost always the case.
Not saying it was your fault, but we all play our parts in our marriage issues. So whatever it was that pushed her into the arms of someone else may be what she is afraid of.
If not that, she could be holding back purely because of shame & guilt from what she did..
Or a combo of both..
I will pray for you guys
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Post by leandro on Aug 30, 2016 8:53:11 GMT -5
Tyler, I know it might be a bit confusing, my wife is the same way. But you have to understand that is a spiritual battle between light and darkness and you have to keep praying and fasting non stop. I've seen my wife being very nice to me one day then she is the total opposite the next day, don't let those days where your wife is rejecting you and not being nice get to you as I have discovered that is not them but it is something deeper that oppresses them. Don't give up brother you are on track for marriage restoration. God bless you.
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Post by tschnelli on Aug 30, 2016 12:19:15 GMT -5
Thank you Mary, that makes more sense. Based on my conversations with my mentor, my counselor, my bible study and close group, it seems it was her not wanting to be married because she felt like she couldn't party and live promiscuously like her friends were raving about. It truly breaks my heart. And there are things I would do different as well as things that may have pushed her away. Thank you for the prayer. We need it
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Post by tschnelli on Aug 30, 2016 12:20:50 GMT -5
Thank you Leandro, your words are comforting and provide bits of hope to grab on to. I have been doing pretty good at clinging to the good things and brushing off the tough stuff. (In reference to how she treats me). Was rocked this morning by my quiet time and God's continual call on my heart to love my wife and pursue her.
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Post by Sharon on Aug 31, 2016 1:01:17 GMT -5
Tyler I am praying still brother. I just wanted to remind you the greatest change will happen when you take your focus off of your wife and keep your focus on God. You can't fix your marriage, but God can. If you leave it in His hands and trust Him, He will lead you and He will take control and begin transforming it into something beautiful. I'm so glad you're having opportunities to show Christlike love to your wife. Don't lose hope when it looks hopeless. Press harder into Him at those moments.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 8, 2016 8:06:34 GMT -5
I think God gave you an amazing gift at this football game - I'm a little jealous cause I'd love a day like that with my husband  Your wife is confused and doesn't know what she wants. I'm not sure she was lacking anything in her relationship with you, yes we all make mistakes in our marriages, but the problem is she's looking to you to fulfill all her deepest needs, and some of those needs can only be filled by God. Keep loving her like Christ and praying for her salvation and God will reach her. It sounds to me like she's really struggling internally. I'll keep praying for you. |
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