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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 20, 2016 2:29:08 GMT -5
I went on my computer a few minutes ago to check out my orientation time for school. I came across some porn sites on my homepage because it automatically shows up the most recent tabs open. I asked my husband about them. He admitted to one but said the "chat room" was an accidental link. But he lied. I opened the history to look and delete it off my computer. It wasn't accidental. He browsed the site. It didn't look like he was on long because of the time stamps on each page opened but it was still a live streaming site. People stream live and do things on camera live. And you have the ability to chat and intwract. I'm hurt and furious. So angry I have tears down my face and took off without saying more than I was going out (its midnight here). He didn't stop me cause he knew he messed up. I'm so angry, please pray for me.
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Post by Mary H on Jul 20, 2016 9:18:43 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Marissa.. I remember what that pain is like.. Your so wise that I know you already know that you must forgive him & show unconditional love like the Lord does. It's been a few hours since you posted this, did you go home & talk? Update? I'm praying for you Marissa
Please do text me if you need to
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 20, 2016 10:24:48 GMT -5
Well I was out until about 1am. I cried and was angry and all kinds of things. I bought cigarettes to chill out. I know I shouldn't have. So I sat and smoked while talking to God. Then I went home and got in bed with no intention of talking because I had to get up early. But my tiredness turned into restlessness, frustration, anger, hurt, etc. I jumped off the bed and told him I couldn't sleep next to him tonight. He tried to act like everything was cool and I needed to just come to bed. But I said no, got on my soapbox about the situation for 15mins while he listened quietly. He asked if he needed to sleep on the couch and I basically said yes. And that's what he did. I should mention I can never sleep without him next to me. But last night, the second the door closed, I felt my body and spirit kind of sigh and all the strong emotions I felt immediately left. I closed my eyes and was able to rest although I couldn't sleep much. But I could feel God around me, allowing me to rest. I'm sure we'll talk today sometime. I'm just praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me in whether I should reach out first or wait for him to.
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Post by Adrienne on Jul 20, 2016 11:54:47 GMT -5
Oh, Marissa, I'm so sorry, I know this hurts. I am lifting you up in prayer, sister.
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 20, 2016 12:47:17 GMT -5
Thank you Adrienne, I appreciate your prayers.
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Post by leandro on Jul 20, 2016 13:30:41 GMT -5
Marissa, I used to watch porn very regularly and i thought it was normal like everybody else thought it was. Even my wife despised it but I used to pretend I didn't watch it. I'm sorry you are going through this, but this is an opportunity for you to trust God, I know God changed me in That because I haven't visited a porn site in like 8 months. Tell your husband that how would he feel if you are watching another man and not him, that was something that God confronted me with and it was one of the reasons I stopped watching. God bless you Marissa and keep on fighting.
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 20, 2016 18:50:51 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice Leandro.
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Post by Sharon on Jul 21, 2016 8:21:08 GMT -5
Marissa, you know I have been through this many times with him chatting on webcam with women he knows, so I know how you're feeling. It's a ball of rage and hurt all in one. I was reading an article about how it can take up to 12 hours longer for a man to process an emotional situation then a woman. I really think you need to wait until he comes to you to talk about it. And that's like torture for you I know, but if you go to him with it before he is ready to hear it, he won't. He didn't care about your feelings while he was doing it and he knew you wouldn't approve, so he acted out of complete selfishness. He didn't care then, and until he feels like he is hurt by the situation, he won't care. When this happened with me and Chris, there was one incident where I cried and begged him to stop and told him I loved him and acted desperate and that got me no where. Another time I shut down and hid from him and cried and that did nothing because it didn't hurt him. I don't know the degree of what hurts your husband and I know my husband was immensely hard and cold in some of those moments. Even me leaving with the kids and kicking him out of the house didn't do much, but maybe it will to your husband. What ended up really making the difference with Chris was when I stopped. I started chasing God and doing everything I could for him and stopped serving my husband like he was my god. I didn't make lunches for him. I didn't do his laundry. I didn't talk to him about my day or ask about his. I didn't tell him where me or the kids were or what we were doing. And not intentionally because I was being mean, but because God was acting as my husband and I tell God where I am, how my day is going, and do the things he asked me to do. When my focus shifted, my husband started to see that I was happy even though he was still screwing around. That his actions and his misery trying to fill in the God sized hole in his heart with the garbage of the world, wasn't going to effect me. That my heart is whole when I have my God. I hope there's something in there that will help you. I'm going to pray more for this situation sister.
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Post by Sharon on Jul 22, 2016 7:38:00 GMT -5
Something that helped me a lot with forgiving was reminding myself again and again that this is the enemy at work in him. You can't hate him if you can recognize he is being used and manipulated by the enemy. You can and should hate the enemy. And you should continue the pray fervently. You are one with your husband so you have great influence and with Gods strength, He can use you to drive away the demon. It's easy and tempting to hate and be bitter and angry, but that is what the enemy wants. To drive a wedge in the middle of your relationship, so that neither of you can fulfill your purposes for Christ.
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 31, 2016 11:21:50 GMT -5
Thanks for the prayer and advice everyone. I guess I should update on the situation. I woke up the morning after the incident and nudged him to sleep in the room because I was getting ready to leave. A few minutes later he came in. I was still hurt but praying for God to pull peace out of me. I said goodbye but when he said "I love you" I welled up tears and barely whispered it. I went to my orientation and after an hr I got an apology text. I didn't respond. Then at 12ish he called, told him I couldn't talk but updated him on what happened at orientation. Then I got home and talked about it. He had bought pizza as part of his "apology" but I said "thanks but we need to talk about it". He didn't want to beca use he loves to sweep things under the rug and because of his control issues. He relented, said he lied because he was embarrassed and he never talked or interacted on the site. I explained how I felt and said, "if it was me watching some guy how would you feel?"
He understood but was still irritated at the conversation in general. After that I let him hang with his brother and I just prayed for God to take these lustful spirits out of us and our house.
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Post by Sharon on Aug 2, 2016 19:18:36 GMT -5
He sounds just like Chris. Truly sister the only thing that ever made any difference in my husbands heart was when I withdrew from him and pressed into God. Suddenly I wasn't being unloving, but I wasn't catering to him like he was used to. He wasn't my god! When I stopped worshiping him, he really noticed. He started watching me closely. He started seeing my praise for God and my love and joy, despite how he behaved. He started to want it. Obviously we're not there yet, but it's been several months since he cheated/traded pics/spoke to another woman. I know God is doing work there and it started when I stopped chasing him.
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