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Post by Sharon on Jul 12, 2016 21:03:19 GMT -5
Frustrated again and not because of normal stuff. I guess now that Chris has started doing the right thing, I'm finding other minor annoyances to dislike about his, instead of being grateful for his positive qualities. Please pray for me. I was upset today, because I told Chris the way he said something was sarcastic and rude and he got angry and said I always take the things he says that way. That I need to just get the point of what he's saying and don't interpret any kind of tone. I am forcing myself to try to be polite, even though I'm irritated, but I really would rather just have peace and joy. I don't want to fake that. I just don't know how to be grateful for the good man I do have instead of finding the next thing wrong with him.
Ugh...He's making this so hard on me though. Pretty much everything I say, he responds with anger. It's either sarcasm, or anger. I asked him if he was frustrated with me for some reason and he said no, so I can't really understand why he's acting this way. I'm getting really exhausted though. I know...Chris is a horrible God. He's a horrible God. I need to get back to church and put my heart back in God's hands and take it away from Chris again. My feelings are just getting hurt...and I hate that. I'm tired of letting him have control of how I feel. |
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Post by Mary H on Jul 12, 2016 21:46:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear your going through a tough time Sharon. Reading this takes me back to when tony was home for 3 months. It was so difficult to focus on God.
The daily struggle was so real. But man, so much growth came from it.
Praying for you!
Text me if you need to
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Post by Sharon on Jul 12, 2016 21:52:17 GMT -5
Thanks Mary. I am praying right now and listening to my music again. I need to refocus. I want to go to God, before I go to Chris again. I've been going to church and going through the motions, but I am sure you know. When things are good, it's so hard to stay focused. I was good for a while at keeping my focus, but recently it's been like - read my devotion in the morning, pray for a good day, listen to my music, pray before dinner and bed, go to church. Just monotony, instead of being in love with God. And I know that's actually making my relationship with Chris bad too, because it's monotony with us too and it's making him angry and sarcastic. I can't do this in my own strength.
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Post by pstokes522 on Jul 12, 2016 22:56:19 GMT -5
I understand how you feel Sharon. I want to learn how to totally love God more than everything else in my life, all the time. I want to stop getting complacent and my relationship with Him to be ALL I need, everyday. I feel like I get into a routine also, and I'm just going through the motions. How do we keep that euphoric feeling we have after a really great time of worship?
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Post by Sharon on Jul 13, 2016 0:19:23 GMT -5
Thank you p! You know exactly how I feel. I get mad at myself that I keep making the mistake again and again to try on my own when only God can do this. I had some quiet time with God tonight, amidst chaos of two children and a baby all around me. I closed my eyes and prayed and listened to music and felt God around me and somehow was able to focus even with all that noise and distraction. He really finds us when we seek Him!
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 13, 2016 10:59:15 GMT -5
I understand how you feel Sharon, I've been feeling that way too! Just last week we went out of town and we got in a fight. And what the fight was about was legitimate but I could see myself slipping into how things use to be before we separated. It's so hard not to nit pick I think because they've made it this far so it's hard for us to understand why they can't also do these little things. My husband is naturally a sarcastic person, his entire family likes to joke around and use sarcasm a lot. So even though I know this, dated and married him like that, it's starting to bother me now. But I know, like you've said, not pressing into God the way we should is partly to blame. God is always the answer but for some reason it's easy for us to let go of that. I'll pray for you Sharon. With the kids and everything it sounds like you need a "you" day. Time to reflect and spend with God as well time to relax without the kids, to refresh yourself. Even if it's just for an hour it helps. If you can, try and give yourself that.
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Post by Mary H on Jul 13, 2016 11:53:15 GMT -5
I know exactly what you mean!! It can be challenging to press into God during a storm, but in the eye of the storm, when all seems relatively calm, it's a whole new challenge to press in. But how good is our God!! He knows we need these differant seasons to grow more like Jesus! What blessing each lesson of wisdom & endurance is!
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Post by Mary H on Jul 13, 2016 11:55:15 GMT -5
I feel like I've been surrounded by comfort lately! Wayyyy too cozy & getting lazy! A new season of excersizing that "press into Jesus" muscle! I just love how our amazing God makes sure we are in good spiritual shape!
The enemy has his plans but the God of the universe is in control!
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Post by Sharon on Jul 13, 2016 12:26:39 GMT -5
I think it's worse today. I'm having such a hard time being grateful. I have to go to the hospital to try to ask them to reduce my medical costs for the er visits and so my dad had to come in today. I was dealing with my baby and my sisters baby when the phone rang so he answered it and afterwards lectured me about how he shouldn't have to do my job. I'm exhausted. I'm at my limit. The babies are demanding of course and so are the kids, but with Chris being cold recently. He criticizes everything I do. And my parents constantly telling me that I'm not doing well with their business. We're doing fine. I just can't do good enough. I know God is telling me to stop worrying about pleasing everyone else and just worry about pleasing him, but I can't keep getting kicked while I'm already down. I don't know what to do
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Post by marissaa91 on Jul 13, 2016 12:33:55 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Sharon. It's not easy being criticized when you're overwhelmed and doing your best. Press in and pray. Have as much alone time with God as you can remind yourself in moment of wanting to give up or explode that you answer to God. That God will sustain you when people.fail you. That He will help you and lift off your burdens when you come to Him. In those moments of weakness I find that I have to stop close my eyes and remind myself of who God is in order for me to keep going.
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Post by Adrienne on Jul 13, 2016 20:54:55 GMT -5
I understand how you feel Sharon. G can also come across as very critical which is hard. I don't really know how to advise beyond trying to keep looking for positive aspects and keep remembering to praise God and be grateful to Him. A thought I had recently was to, every time I have a negative thought about G, to immediately counteract it with a positive one or a praise of some kind. And we have to remember to focus on God, as hard as it is. I am still praying for you, sister <3
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Post by Sharon on Jul 17, 2016 16:53:13 GMT -5
I can't keep doing this. I know it's the enemy attacking, but I'm frustrated. My son told me he doesn't like tomatoes today and I snapped. Stupid right? But I pointed at him, then my step daughter, then my husband and said "I'm tired of hearing about what you don't like" and when I got to my husband he snapped and told me to shut my mouth. Ugh. I know I was wrong. He's not my child and I have to be respectful, but darn it that hurt my feelings a lot and I just left the house. I'm tired. I'm tired of being everyone's servant. I'm tired of not having a life. Of having to be a dang maid, cook, and taxi and have no gratitude ever!!! I'm just exhausted.
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Post by Mary H on Jul 17, 2016 17:06:31 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Sharon..
I'm picturing your situation as I read & I have been in so many very similar situations
Before tony left I kept feel so unappreciated & dwelt on that so much to the point that I kept telling him I wanted him to get out when I knew better.. Satan was winning but he won't win the war
I'm praying for you guys
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Post by Sharon on Jul 17, 2016 17:33:06 GMT -5
Thanks Mary. I don't need appreciation from him or my kids. I have God and He placed me here on purpose. I've been through so much worse then this and I know my harvest is coming soon. So many signs and promises coming to pass recently. Please just keep praying. I'm tired and every little thing is bringing me down.
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Post by tkk2 on Jul 17, 2016 19:47:31 GMT -5
Sharon, we all have days and moments where we feel utterly defeated. That's normal. The sun will rise tomorrow and its a new, perfect day from God. He's there now and he'll be right beside you in the morning. Stay strong girl!
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