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Post by marissaa91 on May 26, 2016 6:56:25 GMT -5
Do any of you feel that your prodigals are, or have been, verbally abusive to you? How do you define that line?
This is just me thinking out loud. The last two fights we've had, especially last nights, I feel strongly that my husband was emotionally and verbally abusive to me. It's never been like this before so I know a big blessing must be coming. But I still am not sure what to do. How do you distinguish between a regular fight and crossing the line? And does it, or should it, affect how you stand?
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Post by Sharon on May 26, 2016 8:03:43 GMT -5
I can't speak specifically for abuse, but I understand what you mean about "crossing the line". Chris and I were sinning together at the beginning of our relationship, so when he started cheating, it was difficult for me at first to realize if it was truly cheating or if I had just not defined that line well enough. Every time I was clear about the rules though, he found a way around them. 5 years of him cheating, I finally realized I am not supposed to be defining the line between what's right and wrong. God already did that and Chris isn't in this world to please me or follow my rules. He is here to please and follow Gods rules. So my honest advice is I know you want to look at your situation and feel victim and its natural to feel that, but the real problem is is what your husband doing against God or glorifying to him? Gods lines are clear. What is wrong and what is right. What comes from the darkness and what comes from the light. Regardless of is this specifically defined as abuse, but go further. Is this what God wants? No! He tells husbands to love their wives as they love their own bodies and who would ever harm themselves like this? And then he calls us wives to be respectful, submissive and loving. That doesn't mean to be walked over. It does mean to be still and quiet, respect if you can not be kind, and pray non stop until God does his work.
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Post by william on May 26, 2016 11:36:12 GMT -5
I agree with Sharon & want to add that a lot of the times when people lash out is for couple different reasons; either its frustration of the situation at hand, inability to effectively communicate emotions, feeling of being "wronged", and guilt for doing something and being called out for it.
All of the above reasons is naturally for all of us but it is not Gods way - it is the worlds way. It isn't something that can be changed like flipping a light switch, it takes a 100% complete "re-programming" of ones self that can only be obtained thru the desire, persuit, submission, prayers, and reading Gods words.
I Am guilty of being one who lashed out before, and when I chose to see God for who He was, and accept His forgiveness, mercy and grace only then did I stop. This was because before I wanted to be a "better" man, father, husband & so on...yet no matter how hard I tried I failed because my foundation was faulty, built upon worldly standards & that resulted in disappointment & anger. I know it sounds cliche but before I speak in any situation that would have normally lashed out I think would I say that to Jesus if we were face to face?
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Post by marissaa91 on May 26, 2016 11:58:24 GMT -5
Thank you William for that insight. That makes a lot of sense and sounds like him. He always says that he feels like him trying and his progress is never enough. Which isn't true although maybe I make it hard for him to see that.
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Post by Mary H on May 26, 2016 12:00:58 GMT -5
I'm experiencing this with Tony too.. It's been going on for about 5 months. He was this way before we separated, but not all the time. Now, it's basically each time we communicate. It's as if my very presence frustrates him. Sometimes I can say nothing & he will flip out & day really hurtful abusive things.. There is a line between being walked on & not taking it. But them at line is Jesus. Tell him firmly that you believe he's a good man under all the hatefulness & that he can do better than that. Then pray pray pray, seek Him face & His word all the more & be sure your surrounded by sisters who won't condemn him when u talk to them about & who will build you up & pray with you. Rebuke the enemy who has a hold on him in Jesus name. These are the things I'm beginning to do again & so far my peace has increased dramatically & he's showing some softening. Ask the Lord to show u how to grow from this.. What's in your heart that this situation can help you grow? This is also what I'm doing. I'm praying for u sister.
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Post by marissaa91 on May 26, 2016 12:14:42 GMT -5
I just strated getting back into the groove of intentionally seeking God like I use to. And then this happened. I know this means that the enemy is mad and attacking us. So I'm pressing on but I'm barely holding onto my peace right now. I'm praying the Lord continues to work and bring peace to him and to me.
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Post by Mary H on May 26, 2016 13:01:42 GMT -5
It can be so hard when we see the vision of them that God has givin us. The godly version of them.. But then satan gets a foothold due to us letting our thoughts roam free, & we start to unintentionally pressure them to improve into the men we know they are & will be, instead of encouraging, appreciating, & affirming the man that they are right now & dwelling on the posative changes that have already take place
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Post by marissaa91 on May 26, 2016 14:00:41 GMT -5
That's so true Mary. I know I don't do that enough.
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Post by Sharon on May 27, 2016 13:21:07 GMT -5
I have talked about my friend Rebecca many times, but she had a similar issue as you Mary. In fact it got to a point that she was being completely kind and focused on God, but she had prayed the enemy out of her home and her husband was so deeply held by the enemy that he chose to leave instead of stay in the house. He felt completely unwelcome in his own home and as long as the enemy was with him, he was unwelcome! It took him a long time to realize that she hasn't evicted him, but the evil spirit that had a hold on him, from their home. He blamed her. Of course he did. She is fighting on the side of our Lord and he was with the enemy, so he thought she was against him.
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