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Post by Sharon on May 4, 2016 20:19:04 GMT -5
Please keep me in prayers. Things have been fine, but there's been distance again with Chris and I. We were riding in his car together to pick up Christian, and Chris puts on this song that I hate terribly talking about cheating and yeah I know it's wrong but let's do it again. Makes me sick to my stomach, but I just started praying. I felt a wall come up between me and Chris again, but I could focus then on God and get some comfort from Him. I'm so good most days about not being bitter, but every now and then the enemy gets a dig in and I want to push Chris away so hard. He won't ever understand what this has done to me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it because I only came back to God through this trial, but now and again it still hurts.
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Post by Eric W. on May 4, 2016 20:36:57 GMT -5
Paul wrote about the "thorn" in his side and asking 3 times for it to be removed. Finally on the 3rd time God revealed to him, that it was there to keep him from succumbing to prideful thinking. Maybe, these thorns and hurts aren't gone to help remind us where our focus should be directed. I will be honest a million times a day I think about my prodigal wife. I wish I was disciplined enough to say that about God. And the realization of that is helping me to correct that.
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Post by Mary H on May 4, 2016 20:43:17 GMT -5
That's such wisdom Eric
I'm right there with both of you.
Sharon, the Lord is so proud of you & notices each & every time you put your trust in Him instead of feeding into the enemies lies.
I'm finding my way back to that place.. I have fallen off recently, but thank God, He's so faithful & bringing me back to my senses.
I relate so much with your post.. It can be so very hard.. But like Eric said, it's all for a reason.. God is using it all for your good & as long as we focus on Christ, the enemy may win some battles but he CANNOT win the war!!
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Post by Adrienne on May 4, 2016 21:48:07 GMT -5
Sharon, Mary, I can 100% identify with this also. Even in the sense of music! G listens to a lot of music that I do not like that talks about party life, casual sex, etc. It's very "triggering" for me. I'm glad you responded in prayer, Sharon. That is something I am working on as well. The reality is that what we all have been through in our marriages will undoubtedly change the rest of our lives, forever. But our God can still do amazing healing and bridge the gap that has been caused by this dark sin!
Let's keep praying, keep trusting... one day at a time. I will b praying for you Sharon!! (And for both of you too, Eric and Mary, of course!)
Also, Eric - PRAISE GOD that you mention that specific scripture!! That was the focal point of the sermon at service Tuesday night and it was a very powerful message that spoke to me so deeply about my stand. I meant to post about it on here right away but forgot for some reason... but Hallelujah that we have a God who will always have His word spoken, one way or another! Thanks for your faith, brother, and for your constant honesty and desire to seek God.
I am so grateful for this community!!
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Post by Sharon on May 5, 2016 8:27:52 GMT -5
Oh my gosh thank you guys so much for all this wisdom. I was feeling so much more worn down today. I found out yesterday that Chris has been on another messaging app on his phone and that's been dragging me down, but I didn't confront him and I won't. It's his relationship with God and I have to keep remembering that. Eric what you said about the thorn reminded me of this devotional I got a few weeks ago in my email. I'm going to track it down and share it.
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Post by leandro on May 5, 2016 10:10:08 GMT -5
Sharon while I'm reading your post I'm remembering the same thing happened to me long time ago with me and my wife, she did not like the music that I used to listened in my car because it talked about sex, partying and drinking, and now I finally understand why. I don't want to say that I regret that because I am very greatful for who I am now, but my point is that your husband will one day understand why it is important to be carefull what you listen to and what do you keep in your thoughts. Don't stress about it keep praying and God will do the rest.
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Post by Sharon on May 5, 2016 14:33:19 GMT -5
Thank you Leandro. I know you are right. The promises God has made us don't line up yet with how he is, but someday they will. I think I'm struggling right now because I know he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. He's on another chat app he thinks I don't know about and he's being extremely careful about hiding it, but I know about it. I am assuming he is talking to his Korea girlfriend, because he asked a few weeks ago if he could and I said I didn't want him to. I have been praying a lot today and God keeps reminding me to stay out of the way and let Him do the work, so I am not going to say anything, but I don't know how to act with him. I am not good at hiding my emotions. It's hard for me to be loving when I know he is being selfish and self destructive
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Post by Sharon on May 5, 2016 14:37:51 GMT -5
You know thinking more about this, I know he struggles with me too. We went from living really sinful lives to all of a sudden I'm transformed and I want to be for God always and he is trying which means a lot to me, but I think he thinks he has to be secretive then about his weaknesses and temptations. I get its not easy to just say "hey I watched porn today" or "hey I got naked pics from some girl", just like I don't say "hey I smoked a cigarette today", but we don't share our weaknesses and downfalls and mistakes with each other and so maybe he looks at me like I'm too godly and he can't be honest? I don't know what I'm saying...I guess I'm just concerned and I need to back off and let God have this too.
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Post by Adrienne on May 5, 2016 17:42:51 GMT -5
I understand that perspective Sharon. I worry the same way because G has told me I'm too good for him and that he wouldn't want to tell me if anything else happened (if he were in sin). Yet, I know God is working on that even if G doesn't realize it! During the start of his affair he was super stressed because he was unemployed. Yet he didn't reach out to me for support or open himself to me for it. Instead he started the affair. Now he's very stressed again with work and personal things and although I think he's still not going to God with it like he should, he's being much more open with me about it and I am able to support him much more effectively to help him deal with this. I know that is God's work. Like you say, you have to step back and trust that God's got this. (I hope my example made sense in the context of that idea!) God is still working in Chris and He does not leave works unfinished!!
Another question, sorry if it offends or convicts, I don't mean it that way... But how do you always know when Chris is doing something? (Usually on his phone). Do you monitor his phone? Have you considered that it might help your stand if you didn't know what exactly he is doing? This is something I have tried in my own stand. I no longer pursue any knowledge of G's activity besides what he himself tells me. It has really helped me honestly. Just a thought.
I continue in prayer for you both!
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Post by Sharon on May 5, 2016 18:27:28 GMT -5
God I'm feeling broken again. You know this morning I discovered his Voxer/tango account. Turns out it's someone from Loveland co that he is talking to at the very least and could be more. Help me to keep my focus on you. He is so distracting and I don't want this anymore. I know you did not allow him to be baptized, because he hasn't been transformed. He is trying to impress me for my sake. He isn't chasing you yet because he loves you. One day he will though. You have promised me is and I trust you. Help me to be a loving hand EXTENDED but not grasping.
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Post by Mary H on May 5, 2016 18:33:55 GMT -5
My heart breaks for you... I can't imagine....
It's so hard to extend yet not grasp when they are living under the same roof & are in relationship with us.. I'm praying for you
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Post by Sharon on May 5, 2016 18:42:14 GMT -5
Hey Adrienne thank you so much for your words! You are always so helpful! In the past, I snooper a lot and came across a lot of stuff that way. I have cut it back a lot lately, but God has always revealed things in unexpected ways to me. I found out about his Korea girlfriend because he showed me pics of them together and insisted she was a friend, but he played a voice note for me of a fire alarm at his hotel in the middle of the night, and she was speaking to him so I knew she was at the hotel. I found out about the first affair because the woman called and told me all the details in an effort to reconcile with her husband. The second affair I found out about 3 years after it happened - she is friends with his sister and she told her and she told me. Others I have found out from Facebook messages or text messages that pop up on his phone. Also from our cell phone bill or credit card statements. Yesterday though, I found out about this messaging app from an email they sent him. Sometimes it is snooping. Sometimes it is just revealed. I know you are right though. You have said to me many times to stop snooping and I have cut it down a lot. Chris is really horrible at hiding things though - it's almost like he wants to be caught, so I know I will be knowing things even if I'm not searching for it.
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57 
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Post by annie on May 6, 2016 0:00:15 GMT -5
I am so sorry for this pain Sharon. I know this all to well and sometimes there just doesn't seem to be words that are soothing. My go to phrase lately has been Eyes on Jesus. That is the only way to get through. Our circumstances really mean nothing. Jesus is Able to change them in a second. He may be choosing not to, but it is comforting to me that He could IF it were right for us. So, although I know it may not be much help in the midst of great pain coming from my mouth- Eyes on Jesus sweet sister!! I promise you- from personal experience the Lord will give you peace when your eyes are on Him.
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Post by Sharon on May 6, 2016 7:56:06 GMT -5
Annie thank you! You are so right! If God wanted to, He could change this right this minute, but since he hasn't, He still has more to teach me and needs me to carry this still. Thank you! That thought is so encouraging!
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