renee
New Member
Posts: 21 
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Post by renee on Mar 5, 2016 6:22:26 GMT -5
I am new to this group and I know that it is for standing strong in God for marriage. I am really at a breaking point. I met my husband when I was 17 I am now almost 39. We have 3 children. Donny my husband is verbally abusive. I am not perfect. Have grown so much in the Lord for the past 7 years and know that we are supposed to try. But I have been the glue that has held out family together until we came to know the Lord as savior. I really try to stay positive and allow to work in my life. I have learn in the past 6 years that I cannot change anyone I can only pray to the Lord that He do His work. This was am major beautiful point in my life. I have peace in the Lord and that is really all I need. I am human and can only take so much. My husband does have a good heart but he is very negative and has a very short fuse. He is very insecure. I feel smothered. He is very controlling. A couple of nights ago he was very negative about the neighbors who are not Christian. He wants to run them out because he hates the husband. Yes they have issues who doesn't. They are not Christian. So after he made his remarks I began to say that we as Christians need let Jesus shine His light through us. We are called to draw people to Him. I also said that there is going to be a day when he will have to answer to God. Well that sent him over the top. He cannot trust me because I am throwing God's word in his face. I know that I should not have participated and should have prayed for God to deal with Donny. Question then becomes how long do we allow this anger and negativity surround you everyday. We have our good times. But inside I really am becoming detached. I have told him multiple times that when he makes his bad comments about me daily and when I see him so negative towards others that it is something that has a big affect on me and I do feel that I am being pushed away. Sorry this is so long but in my heart I know that God gave me this group. I have been on the KLove app for about 7 months give or take I have only responded and never actually shared a post myself. Mary was able to get the link to me and here I am. I have no clue what is going to happen but know that the Lord is by my side. I know that he is also by my husband's side. I am walking blindly in faith trusting that He has a purpose for everything and know that His plan is good. I am sharing my deepest feelings here and believe that this is a place for support in marriage. Inside right now I just want out. I am just cold. I feel that after all of these years of putting up with this has killed me love for him. I know that God can heal. I am looking forward to see God do His work and praise Him for giving me all of you.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 5, 2016 6:53:04 GMT -5
I can relate to this! My small group from church & I are reading a book called "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas. It actually addresses your situation specifically, & what you should do about it from a godly perspective. It's a amazing book; I highly recommend you get it & read it.
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Post by william on Mar 5, 2016 8:20:41 GMT -5
Renee,
Welcome to the family, I have been reading
Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands
It is a good read try looking it up it, I think could/will help you gain more insight. Know that I will be praying for you both along with the rest of the family in my daily/nightly prayers.
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 11:29:16 GMT -5
Renee, everyone so far has recommended you a book so I'll go ahead and jump in ;-) My recommendation is the LOVE DARE. It is an amazing resource and it reminds us that we are supposed to love our spouses unconditionally... just like God loves us unconditionally! I know it is so hard to love them when they have caused us so much pain but remember that it is God's love that we are just a conduit for. We have to CHOOSE to love each and every day, DESPITE the pain that we experience... And in that way, we ourselves feel more and more of God's awesome love in our own lives!
Keep praying and know that God can do this. We'll be praying for you too!
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Post by Sharon on Mar 5, 2016 20:52:38 GMT -5
Renee I relate so much to how you are feeling. I have shared this story before - after trying so many times to convince Chris to stop cheating, my heart was hard and I quit and told him I was divorcing him. He talked to his parents and then called to talk to me. I had been ignoring his calls, but I answered this time. He asked me if I ever saw things from his point of view and I told him of course not - he was a cheater and I was the victim. He told me that he often felt like there was no point in trying to do the right thing - that he saw it in me every day when I got home. I was looking for reasons to leave him. I was always on guard and I was always finding reasons for a fight or to criticize him. Even when he did try to do the right thing, I never gave him credit. I realized how hard my heart was towards him - that I had been praying for my husband for God to change his heart and never recognized how much work God had to do in me. I make it a point now to thank God for my husband - not necessarily for who he is right now, but for who I know he is in his soul and that is being covered up right now by the enemy. I thank God for a loyal man even when my husband cheats. I thank God for a selfless man when my husband acts selfish and I thank God for a generous man when he is greedy, because I know God made my husband to be this man of God and God will take over his life in his own time and reveal the true man of God my husband really is. Today I called my husband specifically to tell him I am grateful for him. He was speechless. He needs to be reminded that he is a good man - the enemy is always telling him lies that he is not. I don't want to confirm that anymore by being hateful towards him. I want to convince him that he is not evil - He was created for a great purpose by God and he has to be reminded that no matter what he does wrong, God still loves him and that purpose still remains.
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 21:38:13 GMT -5
I have shared this story before Sharon, I have heard (or read, rather) this testimony of yours before. But thanks for sharing it again... Something about it just really hit home in a valuable way for me. This is something I'm often guilty of and that I need to ask God for help with. Actually in our biggest fight recently G said to me... "I wish you would just trust me." Just another reminder that I need to see him how God sees him... |
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Post by wendyp67 on Mar 5, 2016 21:41:14 GMT -5
I have trust issues with Chris too. He lied soooo much. I know that hurt him to but it takes time to heal that. Trust is a very hard thing to heal.
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 21:49:35 GMT -5
I know that hurt him to but it takes time to heal that. Trust is a very hard thing to heal. Wendy I'm with you. One of the biggest things that gets between me and G is my insecurity and fear. It hurts me because I am constantly questioning and it hurts him because he's constantly reminded of the way he hurt and failed me. Have you seen the Love dare? (The movie Fireproof?) It talks about how loving is a choice. I believe that trusting (like forgiveness) is also a daily choice.. I also try to think sometimes that ultimately I'm not trusting the man that can fail, I am trusting GOD, who has perfect plans for me... |
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Post by wendyp67 on Mar 5, 2016 23:04:07 GMT -5
We both saw fireproof. I tried telling Chris that true God love is a choice and a daily decision. He doesn't believe me. I bought him the love dare book and he tried it on th ow instead of me. Really?! So I have a mix of anger and pain.
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Post by Sharon on Mar 6, 2016 0:52:49 GMT -5
Wendy I know how you feel - I still hold bitterness for the fact that my husband had a girlfriend he was emotionally attached to on his last deployment and still sometimes checks up on her. It's so easy to fall into a place of pain and anger and bitterness. The best advice I can give is on those days when you are really upset, fall into Jesus arms and let him be your husband and your refuge.
Adrienne you hit the nail on the head. I don't trust my husband. He has failed and will fail again - he is a fallen human, but I trust my Lord who is perfect and never fails me, never abandons me, rejected me, or hurt me. Who always carried me through my hurt and my pain and always will
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Post by Eric W. on Mar 7, 2016 22:50:19 GMT -5
Father touch Renee and her husband. Lord, reignite her love for him. God give her the boldness to proclaim your glory, grace, and mercy. To not shy away from it, to shine you and your love into the dark and negative places in her life. Lord speak to her husbands heart. Heal his insecurities, heal his anger. Speak through her, that he may hear your loving words of acceptance. God, speak peace and comfort over them both.
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renee
New Member
Posts: 21
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Post by renee on Mar 11, 2016 7:06:23 GMT -5
Thank you so much Eric. We are going to a Christian counselor next week. It is all in the Lord's hands at this point. The past 20 years have been so rough. I do know that God has the ability to heal. Have a blessed beautiful day and thank you again for your encouragement Eric.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 11, 2016 7:59:21 GMT -5
He does have the ability! If you believe, then all things are possible with Him
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