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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 28, 2016 10:18:33 GMT -5
Please pray for me. I know I've told you guys that we have an open phone policy well recently it's become a problem. For me, not him. I've taken the comfort of knowing that I can check his phone whenever and taken it to checking it before he wakes and this morning he saw me. He knows that I look at it (we've talked about it) but he was upset that I went around the truth when he asked me. He didn't get mad at me but part of me still was thinking "he's probably gonna delete his texts, I wonder if I can still check it, he must be hiding something". It is now driving me crazy as I'm sure it is for him. Now I have caught him in a lie recently and he's lied numerous amounts before but is that reason enough to be like this? Why can't I trust that if he's lying the Lord will reveal it to me? I'm just so afraid of looking stupid. Of him lying to me again about anything (smoking weed, band stuff, his friends gf, etc.) And people thinking "look she doesn't even know what he's doing. He's always done this to her, it's her fault, blah blah blah..." Ugh it's eating me alive. Help, I need advice and prayer!
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Post by leandro on Apr 28, 2016 10:57:32 GMT -5
Marissa, I can relate to you in that when I moved out of the house I started checking out online accounts for phone calls, card transactions, even our cars had a service where you can look up what time or how many miles it was driven . All of these things drove me crazy because I saw she was spending money in things that made me doubt about her as well as phone calls. But one day I decided that I'm going to trust God and that I will do everything to make him proud of me first. I prayed about it and it gave me a lot of peace and I just left it to the lord's hands to do whatever He thinks He should do, after that I felt peace within my heart and even though sometimes I wanna look up who is she talking to or where is she spending her money I decided to trust God first.
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 28, 2016 11:18:50 GMT -5
I know when it boils down to it I just have to take my eyes off of him and put them on God. I haven't been doing as well with that as I should be. Thanks Leandro.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 28, 2016 12:19:51 GMT -5
Marissa my husband is not at all open about this.. His phone is private. At first that really bothered me but now I have decided just not to even think about it. I have no business being on his phone. If he wants to sin, he will do so whether I know it or not.. So I have a zero looking/snooping policy - I try not to even look when he's just sitting doing something on his phone.. The thing is it's not going to help anyone for me to look... Am I glorifying God by checking up on my husband? Am I edifying my spouse by showing him I think I still have to check what he's doing? Of course I still have so many insecurities, and I frankly don't know if he's doing anything he shouldn't... But I've eliminated a huge area of obsession/fixation and a target zone for the enemy to attack me... I don't know if this will help at all, but it's something I encourage you to think and pray about.
And the insecurity is normal.. This is something I'm still continually praying about in my own marriage. I have faith that God can heal us completely from this but I know it will take time. Keep praying, and try not to let yourself tumble too deeply into negative or fearful thoughts. I try to immediately redirect or distract myself when I recognize the bad thoughts coming in.
I'll be praying for you in this area!!
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Post by Sharon on Apr 28, 2016 18:04:15 GMT -5
Marissa I know exactly what you mean. I'm in this place constantly. In fact, I got frustrated yesterday glancing at Chris's Facebook when he was on his phone, that he had deleted the conversation with his Korea girlfriend he said he wasn't going to talk to because I thought he must have talked more to her then deleted the message to cover it up. It's the enemy lying. As soon as I had the thought, God pretty much screamed at me to worry about my relationship with God and let God worry about Chris. I want to be in control so bad. I want to know the true too because I don't want to look like a fool, but in all honesty, no one knows any more then I do and if they know more and aren't sharing it, they aren't someone who I should care about their opinion because they don't care about me. Step out of the way. Your hubbys relationship with God is his business, not yours! Which I know is really hard to hear, but when you focus too much on what your husband is doing wrong or right, you lose focus of what you need to be doing which is spending time with God and praying that God would touch your husbands heart. We can't fix these men by knowing the truth or worrying about things. We can by praying and trusting it to God.
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Post by Eric W. on Apr 28, 2016 19:23:36 GMT -5
Exactly. It doesn't matter what you know or don't know about what your prodigal is doing or saying. That is for them to answer for, and why do you fear shame or embarrassment if something is kept from you? How does that reflect poorly on you? You are only responsible and held accountable for the things you do, or say, and the decisions you make. Give control to the only one who really has any, anyway. Prayers for peace for you sister.
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 28, 2016 23:33:07 GMT -5
Thank you all. It's hard for me to let go and not seek out the truth because of the past and because I try to never lie or hide things from him so the thought of him doing it again kills me. But I know you all are right. That I need to trust in the Lord and let the Lord work. It's God's job to convict him not mine.
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 29, 2016 11:30:18 GMT -5
Huge breakthrough last night!
After reading all of your advice I prayed. And I cried. Everything was just so heavy on me. I prayed for our hearts to soften and for us to be able to talk about this. I didn't expect the Lord to work roght away though. Well when he got home he saw me crying, I told him I prayed, and we ended up having a huge talk. I told him my fear of letting go of controlling, fear of being hurt, he comforted me and told me he doesn't plan on leaving or hurting me but it's ok not to have full faith in him as long as I keep my faith in God. And then we talked about the band. How I feel shut out now since he's been back and how he says he wants me there but then comes up with excuses. At first he gave me the typical response and then suddenly a breakthrough. We ended up getting to the real problem and he's afraid of his friends gf saying or doing something. I said I understand you're trying to protect me and yourself but you can't live in fear and always keep me out. You can't give into her tantrum and you have to trust that I'm mature enough to handle it. We don't have to like each other, I'm there for you not her. His heart calmed and now he's more ok with me being around the band again. Hallelujah for the honesty and connection that was made last night! God is so faithful.
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