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Post by Eric W. on Mar 4, 2016 19:29:16 GMT -5
This is the weekend my stepdaughter 's biological dad gets her. He lives out of town and normally every 2 weeks he comes down on Friday gets her and takes her to his mother's house and brings her back on Saturday night.
Last time he ended up staying at the house until 9:30-10pm before leaving, and was back Saturday afternoon. My sister-in-law and her husband was over there Friday. It just seemed like a big happy family party and to be honest I felt left out, like the world was moving on.
Now today he has been back and forth between the house and my sister-in-law's house a couple of times. Our house is right beside her parents and her sister lives across the street. I am renting a place basically in the back yard from my father-in-law.
I try my best not to "stalk" out the Windows but you can hear his truck when he pulls up and I am having a hard time with it all. I have read my Bible, I have prayed, I have tried to distract myself with TV, I tried to just call it an early night, to little success. My mind keeps going back.
God has told me to stand for my marriage. I have asked for and gotten clear signs of just that. I believe he is going to rebuild my marriage. If it takes us hitting it off while racing wheel chairs in a retirement home when we are 80,so be it.
I believe, it's just the fight is hard, and I am tired. Tired of feeling not good enough, not loved, unwanted, unimportant. Tired of watching my wife claim to be a Christian and in the same breath turn her back on her faith. Tired of knowing a man who walked out on her and my daughter get to spend time with them both, knowing he only does it for appearances.
I know my God loves me, more than anything in this world. He wants me, and expects me to do great things in his name. I know this, and I ask for prayers for the knowing to bring an extra portion of peace and comfort to me. I love you each and everyone, my brothers and sisters in Christ, standing, facing your own struggles, hurts, and fears. May our God of peace, bless you and the works you do.
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Post by william on Mar 4, 2016 19:47:33 GMT -5
Eric-my Brother
I wrote this on K-love few days ago, cause I was feeling the exact same type feelings.
God our Father knows, feels and understands our infirmities, hang ups, weaknesses, mental and inner conflicts, anxiety, depression, anger, loneliness, isolation, being rejected. God himself came to earth in the flesh as Jesus Christ, during that time Jesus prayed in quiet, felt all the emotions we as humans felt. We need to remember when Jesus was in Gethsemane, then betrayed, captured, ridiculed, persecuted, and beaten. The Cross where Jesus cried out with tears in prayers, he felt the pain of all the world. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit all the 3 & 1, the Perichoresis. Our God has felt, knows and understands any and every emotion and feeling we have. Please remember my brothers and sisters, our Father is always there and knows your pain, submit and surrender it all unto him.
Brother know that is is ok to have those feelings we just can't let them set up house in our mind or heart. That is classic work of the enemy using mind warfare on you.
Lord I come to lift up my Brother Eric to you, please Lord in your name denounce the enemy lies from his thoughts, and pour unto him Your power of peace and love. Lord please put your armor around him and protect his heart and mind as he makes this stand in Your name. Lord please lay on his prodigals heart that it is you she should be listening to and not that of others or the enemy lies. Lord we know that your will shall be done and have faith in all that you do, please bless my Brother with peace during this difficult moment. In Matthew 11:28 it is said that "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Lord my Brother is weary and burdened and we surrender it all unto you for your will to be done. In your name I pray-Amen.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 4, 2016 20:07:41 GMT -5
Praying for you Eric
I too am feeling fatigued tonight with Tony leaving almost every day to go hang out with bad influence friends instead of being here to have story time with our kids & tell them good night.. Agreeing with your prayer William & thanks for that nugget of encouragement.
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renee
New Member
Posts: 21 
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Post by renee on Mar 5, 2016 6:49:47 GMT -5
Wow. Completely convicted. I have not cried over any issues I have had with my husband in Lord only knows how long. I truly have been cold towards my marriage. I have just been hit with waves of emotion.
Eric I am praying for you. Praying for you perseverance. I also am very convicted right now because I really am looking to just walk away from my marriage but reading your post has made me feel that as I always say we need to everything over to the Lord and let Him work. I know my human self is what is really wanting out. I admire your strength during this tough time. Your eyes and heart are exactly where they need to be.
William let me just say that that was just beautiful. Convicting. But beautiful.
I long for peace and rest but do know that the peace and rest we have is that the Lord is always there for us in the storm. He never promised us that there would be peace and rest because there will never be storms.
Mary I thank the Lord for using you to bring me here. So at this point my peace and rest is that I have all of you to help encourage as well as to encourage me. Thank you again Mary.
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 11:37:40 GMT -5
Eric, I am sorry that you are hurting. I am praying for you brother. I know it is so hard when we have that obsessive tendency to keep picking this back up when really, we need to leave it in GOD's hands. That is my prayer for you today, for you to have peace and keep your eyes on God...
Dear God, I pray that you please comfort Eric in this difficult time. Please, fill his heart with your peace, the peace that only your loving Spirit can provide. Remind him that this battle is yours Lord and it is not for him or for any of us to fight alone. Remind him that his fight is in prayer, and against the enemy's temptations. Remind him that you are always by his side and that the battle will be victorious because you cannot lose Lord. Give him the peace in the knowledge that you are his commander in chief, that you have this under control. Help him feel reinforced by your strength and help his heart be filled with thoughts of you and your amazing grace. Most of all Lord please just shelter him in this time and grant him PEACE beyond all understanding. In Jesus' name, I pray.
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Post by Eric W. on Mar 5, 2016 18:54:33 GMT -5
I am still having a rough day. I was cooking something to eat and see her ex come to the house and she left with him and my stepdaughter.
I isn't really my fight. That all I can do is pray and believe. I can't make her love me, just like I can't make myself stop loving her. I know God is going to turn this around. I believe he is a God of restoration, of miraculous healings. I know he has called me to this, and will lead me through it. I still hurt, to the core of my being,but I still believe.
I went to a side job this morning. I had an hour commute each way and I listen to Klove for 90% of the drive. (it would be more but the radio station doesn't reach all the way to the city where I am working). I heard Toby Mac "Move", Lauren Daigle "I will trust in you", "Oceans", and several others that moved me to tears.
Father God, I love you. I don't know the path you have chosen for me. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I thank you for holding me through this. You alone give me the power, the strength, the ability to keep moving day to day. I don't know what you are shaping me for. I sometimes watch blacksmithing videos on YouTube. Somehow it soothes me. That is how my life feels right now. I have a Forge fire all around me and I turn red and soft. Life's hammer starts hitting me. Blow after blow. Bending me, moving me, shifting me this way and that. I don't understand all of what is happening, but I trust the Smith's hand to guide the hammer. Eventually, I know the shape is going to be right, and the hammering stops. The blacksmith has taken this lump of steel and formed it into this rough outline of the shape he desires. He moves to grinding and polishing, until this thing of beauty emerges. Could it be a blade? Beautiful, sharp, strong! A hammer? Heavy, unyielding, used to create other pieces! Maybe a horseshoe? Supportive, protective, helping others along. Lord, use this fire, use this life, use me. Shape me into the Christian you need me to be. Show me the purpose you have for my life. Polish my rough edges, so that anyone that looks at me, can see your glory, your majesty shining off of me. Lord, all this I pray in your name. Amen!
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 21:33:14 GMT -5
Eric, I'm still praying for you. I'm sorry that this has been such a difficult weekend. I know you go to church Sunday mornings and I hope that you can find rest and consolation in that time of community.
I think you already know everything I could say... God has got this covered. That song that you recommended me and mentioned in your comment, "I will trust in you," really touches my heart and speaks to this situation. Sometimes we just can't see it. The thing is that we aren't supposed to see it... If we could see everything that God had planned for us, we would be asking "Why this? Why can't such and such happen? Why do we have to go about it this way?" We aren't capable of understanding God's plan; it's too big! But we can trust that He has it all under control. He promises that anything that happens, he can turn to our good... anything!
Keep leaning on God. Remember that He is indeed a God of miracles. And that He has good plans for you. Praying for you for peace and increased trust and confidence in God's care for you.
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 5, 2016 21:34:40 GMT -5
Also.. your prayer is beautiful. There is a song that we sing at my church, saying that God is the potter and we are the clay. Sometimes, although we have already been formed into a vase, we need to be broken and reformed to make us better than before. But we need to trust in God to form us just as He wants us to be!
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Post by Sharon on Mar 5, 2016 21:39:09 GMT -5
Amen Lord we will trust we will trust We Will TRUST in You! Lord you hold Eric in your hand right now. You are standing with him in this storm.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Listen to Hope in front of me by Danny Gokey and Press on by Building 429. He is creating something beautiful. He is strengthening your heart. Keep your focus on Him. He is here for you now in your loneliness and he is the best company you could ever ask for. He is all that any of us need and yet he is so good and generous to give us more still! He will give her back to you Eric, but He is way more then enough.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 5, 2016 22:05:38 GMT -5
Amen Eric! I just LOVE what you said about the blacksmith! It's so very true! I'm praying for you!
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Post by Eric W. on Mar 5, 2016 22:21:13 GMT -5
Also.. your prayer is beautiful. There is a song that we sing at my church, saying that God is the potter and we are the clay. Sometimes, although we have already been formed into a vase, we need to be broken and reformed to make us better than before. But we need to trust in God to form us just as He wants us to be! I heard a singer Natasha Owen say that he uses our tears to wet the clay to remold our broken pieces. And I love that hymn. I think it's "Potter's Hands" |
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Post by Sharon on Mar 6, 2016 17:18:31 GMT -5
Eric how are you doing today?
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Post by Eric W. on Mar 6, 2016 18:50:48 GMT -5
It has been an odd Sunday. We has special singers at both services this morning. A family group called The Freemans. Pastor texted and asked if I could be there early before service to help them pack their equipment in. So i got there early, and then stayed late helping them pack it back into their bus. Texted my mother-in-law asking her to give my stepdaughter a hug and tell her that I love her. (My wife, her sister's family, and my in laws get together every Sunday for lunch. One of the things I miss.) When I got back from church I couldn't see any of their cars. I was tired, so I layer down for a nap at 2pm and just woke back up at almost 7.
The service this morning was right on point. I posted about it in another board, but it was about keeping sailing, even through life's storms. To have faith, and trust in God to work it all out. I am not going anywhere or giving up. Just kind of in this limbo of funk.
My nap has probably ruined my sleep for tonight (didn't plan on that long of a nap) but I am going to use it. When my normal bed time comes, if/when I am not sleepy, I will spend the extra time in my Bible.
Thank you for asking, I hope you all are having a blessed Sunday.
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