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Post by leandro on Apr 15, 2016 15:30:30 GMT -5
Hello I am a 28 year old male, I got marry 4 years ago and I have been separated from my wife almost 7 months, tbh I cheated on her multiple times in the beginning and that destroyed her. That was even before marriage I took her for granted I just felt that since she always loved me no matter what she was always going to be by my side. After the first year she found out about all the cheating and she wanted to leave but I convinced her to stay. I never cheated on her after the first year but the damage was Done. She tried hard to forgive me, to make things right but she never felt the same way again. She try to convince me to go to church but I always said no because in my mind I had other things to do ( like watch tv or do something with my friends) in these 4 years there have always been attempts of her leaving but she always said no, That she doesn't want to disobey God, and though she wasn't committed to church because she was disappointed in the lack of interest from my part that she just quit. Last October between all the fights and the common "I don't feel the same, I care about you but I just don't love you as a man" I decided to leave. I thought I could make it and be ok since I'm young, have a career and I'm not the best looking guy but hey I thought I could find my self one that love me for who I was at that moment. Two weeks after that I saw on the phone bill that she was talking to this guy from work a lot, well I'm not saying they have something but they did talk a lot on the phone and during not normal Hours. Well at that point I felt really bad and didn't know what to do, her step dad suggested me to look for God, and that is what I've been doing the past 6 or 7 months. I've been praying everyday at 5 am, go to church 2 or 3 times a week. Don't drink or smoke. I read books and forums. My closest friends tell me to move on that I'm still young and can get anybody I want, but the thing is I surrender my life to Jesus and if his will is to be with my wife then so be it. She texts me almost everyday after 3 months of non communication. sometimes she is cute but most of the time she is hard on me and when she gets the chance she mentions things from 3 or 4 years ago that obviously still hurt her. Thank you guys I've read most of your posts and you guys are a blessing from God.
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Post by william on Apr 15, 2016 17:39:33 GMT -5
Brother,
I am thankful that God led you here and that you listened and joined. You have gained a family here. Each one of us here have done wrong in our relationships but one thing we all have in common that makes us a family is that each day we choose to seek & follow God.
My heart hurts for you and your marriage as it does for all of us on here & for those who are not. We serve an amazing, forgiving and unconditional loving Father.
I can relate to your situation, as it is similar to mine, stay strong brother-know that we will all be praying for you.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 15, 2016 21:22:34 GMT -5
Welcome to the group! Glad you found you way here. Everyone in this group is here because God led us. Don't worry about the wordly views. You've made a righteous and holy stand in spite of your sins. We all have sin. We are here for you. Stay in prayer and stay strong.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 15, 2016 21:36:43 GMT -5
Hey Leandro! I'm glad you're here and I'm really glad to hear that you have chosen to turn your life around and pursue God!!! Definitely the right choice!! :-) I can identify with your wife since my own husband cheated... i don't say that to convict you further but rather to encourage you. Because in my own case I often thought I would never be able to have a positive relationship with my husband after his affair. Yet here we are almost two years later and I can say God has worked miracles in both our hearts!!! We are still in our restoration journey but God has done amazing things in my life; He has changed my way of seeing my husband, and I know He can and will do the same for both you and your wife in His perfect timing if you submit to His will.
Stay in prayer brother; be encouraged by the fact that God is merciful and great to forgive, and He will give you strength and guide you! And we'll all support you in prayer too :-)
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Post by wendyp67 on Apr 15, 2016 21:50:33 GMT -5
Welcome. Just remember it took you awhile to get where you are. Forgiveness for us humans is not easy. I forgo my husband though it still hurts. She needs to look to our Heavenly Father and give all those feelings to Him. You just need to keep working on you and keep lifting her up for her relationship with God. Trust in Him no matter what. Your not alone. Praying for you two. Don't stop now. God hears you.
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Post by leandro on Apr 15, 2016 22:11:41 GMT -5
Thank you guys, it has not been easy because i have to see her now go out with her new friends from work and they go out to bars and they drink. But I can't call her out on anything she feels pressure, everytime I even mention anything small regarding her drinking even though she is not an alcoholic or anything like that she gets very defensive. I will pray for you guys as well. Stay strong.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 16, 2016 11:05:58 GMT -5
Hey Leandro,
I can understand your wife's point of view too and for a while there, I also tried turning to drinking/smoking to "fix" the pain I was feeling. God will speak to her heart and when that is not working, she will start to hear Him and realize what she needs.
I want to tell u a little bit of our story (sorry guys I know u all have heard it a million times lol) that Chris and I were at the point of divorce and I'd left the house and was praying for God to soften Chris's heart for me. I put Chris's stuff out of the house to get it ready to sell and told him I had our divorce papers for him to sign and he knew it was over. He called his parents and called me several hours later. He asked me if I ever see things from his point of view and I said no of course not. Why should I? I'm the victim, he cheated so many times. He told me he's been coming home every day and I look at him like I hate him and every day is a step closer to divorce. It's hard to motivate himself to do good by me when I can't even forgive him for the things in the past and we can't move forward if I keep looking back. It was like a light came on in my head and I realized that I was the one with the hard heart, not him. We couldn't move forward if I couldn't forgive and I was just as guilty. Me and our son went home the same day and our restoration really started then.
It's hard. It takes a lot of time and patience, but the more you focus on God, the clearer things become and the easier the path to get to Him.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 16, 2016 11:08:27 GMT -5
Sharon, I've heard it a "million times" yet your testimony still speaks to my heart!! Thanks for sharing it so openly!
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Post by leandro on Apr 17, 2016 15:43:32 GMT -5
Sharon and Adrienne Thank you for your words, that is a very powerful testimony Sharon. I will keep praying for our marriages and to God to keep lifting our hands so we don't give up when things seem the hardest. God bless.
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 17, 2016 17:16:48 GMT -5
Welcome! Glad you found this forum and hope you are encouraged here! I understand how hard this storm is but you've already made such a huge change in your life God will see you through this. Keep praying and pressing into the Lord. He will guide you and show what to say and do. I'll pray for you and your wife, she's obviously hurting, I can relate in a way from past experiences with my husband, but with enough time and praying she can come to forgiveness.
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