annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57 
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Moving on
Apr 6, 2016 9:17:16 GMT -5
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Post by annie on Apr 6, 2016 9:17:16 GMT -5
I just don't think I can do this anymore. I have kids to raise and all I can do is sit and cry. I can handle about anything but not OW. I cannot handle it. Lucas called me late last night and I heard her talking in the background. He never even asked how I was or how my day had been. Nothing like usual. Then when I said talk to you tomorrow he wouldn't even say that back he replied with I'll ask about the kids tomorrow. This pain is worse this time. Honestly, I can't handle it. I've been praying more and more and nothing. I've got to move on before I lose my mind.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 6, 2016 10:27:17 GMT -5
Annie, I know it hurts. No judgement here. I am praying for peace and healing in your heart. I urge you that whatever choices you make in regards to your marriage, just please don't ever turn away from God. (Not saying that you are, just encouraging you to stay close to Him always). And remember that we are always here for you and will continue in prayer for you and your family!
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Post by Sharon on Apr 6, 2016 10:51:52 GMT -5
I actually agree with giving up the fight for your marriage, but I agree with Adrienne - don't give up on God. Your focus is still on Lucas and until he is not the center of your mind, it's hard to focus on God.
Remember Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
If you can turn your focus to God you will be focusing on "such things". Lucas is not living this life right now. He's not living true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and he is distracting you from Gods love. So yeah - I do believe it's okay to "give up" in the sense of putting Lucas out of your focus and putting God back into view.
I have you in prayers sister.
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Moving on
Apr 6, 2016 12:14:19 GMT -5
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Post by annie on Apr 6, 2016 12:14:19 GMT -5
Thanks ladies. I'm just in so much pain. My mind keeps saying you have to find someone new to share your life with if you want to stop hurting. Of course I have this pull that I can't just do that. But like I said- I have kids to raise. House to keep. A job. I cannot sit and cry and be hurt like this day after day. Just praying and seeking Him is not making my pain lighter. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 6, 2016 12:27:33 GMT -5
Annie. ..im praying for you. It might be good for you to make that mental hurdle....a separation. It may give you some clarity and peace. It will also make a statement to Lucas about your stand. He won't see it now til he's finished with the OW....but he will see it someday. In the meantime lean on God...make him your husband, just as the others have said. God's got this.
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Moving on
Apr 6, 2016 12:48:49 GMT -5
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Post by annie on Apr 6, 2016 12:48:49 GMT -5
TK- there was peace in your post. Just you saying he will be done with the OW as a certainty. It gave me peace. I know the Lord promised me they wouldn't prosper and I believed that, but after they have gotten back together my faith is almost gone. The pain is a million times greater. I just wish I could explain how thick I knew the devil was getting prior to all this blowing up. The enemy is really after me and Lucas it seems.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 6, 2016 14:24:20 GMT -5
Annie, the enemy has a stronghold on Lucas. That is real...for all of us. Just like in War Room...you have to demand that satan departs from you, Lucas, your family, your home and your marriage. You have to say it out loud! And you have to command it by Christ's shed blood...."Satan, i command you, by the blood of Jesus Christ, to depart from xxxxx"
Sometimes it's hard to remember that we are not fighting our spouses. ...we are fighting the evil one.
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Post by pstokes522 on Apr 7, 2016 7:55:19 GMT -5
I agree with TK, you have to verbalize out loud for Satan to leave your presence. And when you speak the name of Jesus, he has to flee. Also, remember that you and Lucas are oneflesh - which gives you the power to speak for him. So if you verbalize out loud that Satan leaves Lucus's presence, in the name of Jesus, he must flee his presence also. But remember that Satan always comes back - so you need to do this often. Also, pray the armor of God be placed on yourself, list each peace. Say it out loud and say it slowly. Visualize each piece being placed on you. Then repeat it for Lucas - visualize it being placed on him.
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Post by william on Apr 7, 2016 9:18:31 GMT -5
Sister,
my heart breaks for your pain, I wish I could say something that could take away the hurt but there are no words that can be spoken to that affect. Don't give up keep your eyes focused on God. I agree with the others in denouncing the devil, every morning I awake, I thank God-give praise to him then denounce the devil from my wife, marriage, kids, myself and the day. Some days I have to do it multiple times but it's what has to be done.
Remember your not alone, God is with you, we are with you. When I feel beaten down this poem brings me back to the center of my relationship with God and reminds me of him during the really tough times.
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
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kb
New Member
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Post by kb on Apr 7, 2016 11:56:42 GMT -5
Hi guys! It's me after all this time. [Long story]
Yes, Annie, move on with God, let go of marriage if there's peace to the decision and it's not based on emotion and exhaustion. If your husband is not providing for you according to the moral Law of marriage [which still stands today], God says in His Word He is not okay with that. If God wants you to move on He will place it in perfect peace on your heart. I believe men and women actually have different divorce rules, they are not the same - but God does not want divorce - forgiveness he prefers - but some people truly will never change - we still pray for them. Paul says we don't know if we might change a spouse - he doesn't promise we will or they will come to Christ or repentance. Judas, he even walked with Jesus and yet never changed his lustful heart - God knew this. Matt 5:32 is for the husband but the church today makes it gender neutral. God will provide for us in need not greed. Don't don't seek another man [God provides there too if it's not a sin], separate of course so you can heal...let God do His will and I promise you you will be taken care of. Seek God, find joy in Him, get Him first in your life if He isn't. 1 Samuel 5: God will not share our hearts with another idol/want/greed, He will knock it down. You are loved so much!!!! If you don't want to let go, don't, but let go by giving it to God and go do things for the Kingdom, serve, help others while you wait. The peace of Jesus over you...♥
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Moving on
Apr 7, 2016 13:48:58 GMT -5
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Post by annie on Apr 7, 2016 13:48:58 GMT -5
Thank you William. Sadly, I often do feel all alone and I know I'm not alone. Thanks for that reminder.
KB- thank you for your kind words. Herein your post- lies my problem. My giving up is solely based on being tired and completely based on loneliness and emotion. I keep hearing God say "don't you trust me?" I say I do, but my actions Do Not represent that. To be honest I don't know how to get there. I was there at one point, but I slid way back. I have to admit- Lucas is easily my idol. I chase him and my desire for my family to be unified more and harder than I chase anything. I have sit for days in a deep, dark crying depression because of this. I know the enemy has stolen my joy and through that is getting my kids joy. I just don't know how to shake this at this point. I pray, I cry out to God. I read scripture. I'm still in this pit. I'm still chasing my dream for marriage like I CAN fix it. I text and pretty much beg him to talk to me- ask how I am. Care about me- not the OW. It's crystal clear to me that I will never have what I want most as long as it stays my Idol- yet I'm in a place where I can't seem to change how bad I desire it.
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Post by Eric W. on Apr 7, 2016 16:24:45 GMT -5
Father, I come to you today, asking you to touch Annie. Lord, she is tired, and she is fighting. Give her the strength to other give up, but to give this over to you. Speak to her heart and show her how to give this over to you. Lord I ask these things, knowing that you are the only one who can turn this situation around. Father, I thank you now for giving her this peace and comfort. Continue to guide her closer to you, Lord. In your son's precious name. Amen.
Annie, hoping and wanting your family restored isn't a bad thing. Though, you have said it has turned into an idol. I stopped initiating contact with my wife last month, and I will be honest. It's hard. I went from sending her "g'night, i love you" texts every night and getting some sort of reply. To, now, I got a text Easter Sunday because it was my birthday, and that was a 4 word text. But as much as that is a struggle, I feel my stand has gotten, I don't know, firmer. I have had more happiness with my friends at church, with people at work. It's easier to laugh, and actually mean it, than put on that "I am ok" face for the world. I think I can say most of us here know how easy, and how frightening it can be, seeing our spouse as an idol, or at the very least an "obstacle" that can come between us and God.
I pray that my family will be restored, I pray that your family will be restored, I pray that all our families will be restored. In the mean time, my family has grown and extended to include each and every one of you here, and those not here, but that are in similar situations, standing for their marriage. Some family you are born into, some you marry into, and some you find along the way.
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Moving on
Apr 7, 2016 16:34:06 GMT -5
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Post by william on Apr 7, 2016 16:34:06 GMT -5
Eric, -Amen brother.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 7, 2016 20:44:45 GMT -5
Amen. That's exactly how i feel for each one of you.
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by annie on Apr 12, 2016 13:53:12 GMT -5
Thank you Eric. I have read your prayer many times. Your words have been very comforting. I came back here today for much needed encouragement.
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