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Post by leanna72 on Apr 5, 2016 11:44:25 GMT -5
There was an unintended full disclosure of all of the bits and peices that happened in Justins affair. How he had slept with her in our bed in our shower on our couch, at our work, on the bus, in hotel rooms... how places he was supposed to be with other people he was out with her, times he got stuck in blackhawk because of snow weren't really because of snow (the busses were still running when he said they weren't), how he ditched work to be with her, how he had been planing to move in with her, how she was mixed with our children, how he is upset now that she left him and he wants her back, all the times he told me it was over when it wasn't. These things keep haunting me.
I am so hurt and angry. After I had found out all honestly I didn't think I still had the desire to stand. I felt like I could never take him back. I don't know if it is any better now over a week later. I am still kind to him and still working on things to a point. But I am so mad at him and I'm tired of his pitty me party, his I just need time to figure it out bull $#!+ he's not going to want to be with me by being gone. I'm hurt. I feel defeated. And I don't understand why God let's my heart love him when I'm so beat up from the pain he has devestated me with. I want to be happy, but how do you be happy in spite of so much? Leaving this here because I just don't know where else to let it all out.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 5, 2016 12:53:58 GMT -5
Leanna, my heart breaks for you. I can imagine your pain because I have felt it in my own situation too. I don't have a pretty, perfect answer for you because this is ugly, this isn't right by God, this hurts and that's just how it is. Affairs are not romantic, exciting adventures like the media and the world paints them. They are horrifyingly ugly and sinful, and they hurt every single person involved.
But... although it seems beyond belief, our God is bigger. I don't know how He can fix this, but I know He can. I don't know how Jesus went through that suffering on the cross, yet still loved us and still asked for us to be forgiven, but He did, and that is a miracle. Our God is a miracle-worker and I don't know how that works because it's beyond my ability to comprehend, but I am so grateful...
I have had so many times where I thought this "whole stupid thing" (my mental voice at times) was worthless. But somehow, God stays... some days just holding me up, sometimes just quietly staying by my side while I can only cry out and ask why, and sometimes (when I let Him), pushing me forward into growth.
I can't fix this... no human can. I won't even offer advice, because I don't think that's necessarily what you want or need. But I can and will continue in prayer for you Leanna. I love you sister and hold you up in prayer always. And God loves you too (so much more than anyone on this earth can) and hears your prayers and sees your hurting heart always.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 5, 2016 13:08:37 GMT -5
I am praying for you too Leanna. Many of us have experienced the heart break of affairs. Yours is different then mine and I can't advise, but I will say to give it up to God. For your sake, not for Justin's, don't dwell on this.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
For your sake, focus your mind on the good things in your life happening right now. You don't have to love Justin or forgive him right now. That will come with time though if God is calling you to stand, but it is not something you have to do right away. I festered and let my hate for Chris boil over for years and it became a bitter root that damaged us further. It was a miracle that God was able to dissolve that and some days I still feel hurt and angry. But I promise if you keep your mind focused on God and the good in your life, you won't worry about Justin and his "whole stupid thing" as Adrienne called it. You will have peace wen you see God as the love of your life and you can over time forgive.
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annie
Junior Member
Posts: 57 
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Post by annie on Apr 6, 2016 12:21:53 GMT -5
Oh Leanna!! My heart goes out to you. Tears just won't stop bc this echoes my heart and situation. I know this pain right now and am living it currently- and I wish I had answers for you and I. I'm beyond sorry that you or anyone has to suffer through this. I would never wish this pain on anyone. It's devastating. I will pray for you.
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