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Post by Mary H on Apr 2, 2016 22:22:50 GMT -5
He didn't come home tonight & he's ignoring me... His mom said he's at his sisters (that's where he lived before.. He goes to hang out with her husband..They are drunks & drug addicts that strongly think he shouldn't b with me) today has been so awful & then now this... This is the first time in 3 months that he's spent the night elsewhere.. Also the first time in three months that he's ignored me like this.. The rejection hurts so bad.. But then I feel like I'm so over all of this.. He literally treats me like dirt 90% of the time.. So why would I even b that upset about him being gone? I should just trust God & rest during this time that he's gone.. I hate it for him that he's continuing to run from God & make bad choices but there's nothing I can do about that except pray.. I need to re adjust my focus more anyways so hopefully I can do that more successfully now.. Prayers for the Lord to draw Tony & that He grant me peace & strength to live His will & not my own. Thank you
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 2, 2016 23:27:11 GMT -5
Praying for you Mary. I understand how you feel and can relate because my husband has been lashing out for the last few days. I'm sorry. I'll keep praying for both you.
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Post by Mary H on Apr 2, 2016 23:34:46 GMT -5
Thank you
I know with Tony, he withdraws like this when he feels pressured to commit.. I get to a place where I'm expecting him to be a certain way, home at a certain time, & last night basically told him if he keeps coming home late he's going to lose me.. But reality aside from my wants & feelings, is that he's just not there yet & as hard as it is, I need to be thankful he's even around at all... It's so hard, but it's what God wants & what tony needs..
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 3, 2016 0:26:45 GMT -5
I understand. He feels like it's your way or no way. But I know it's hard on you because then it turns into his way or no way. I think that's partly where Garrett is coming from. He feels like I always shoot down what he says and that my ideas or plans are better. But that's not true. I just try to work it all out in my head, thinking of every possible solution, and then try to talk to him about it. But he instantly feels attacked and gets angry at me. I'm still trying to navigate how he needs me to talk to him without feeling attacked. I think it's just hard because I don't want myself, or you, or anyone, to bend over backwards and lose our selves in this process. He's still not home after being gone all day. Idk when he's coming home. So I had to step back earlier and pray. As I was praying for you and me I prayed that the focus wouldn't be on just keeping them happy so they can stay but on the Lord. That the Lord be the guide, be the words and peace. That the Lord cast out all fear and let his work be done. I don't want this to set us back in anyway but I need to trust in the Lord. This is so hard. And I'm sorry because I feel like your situation is even harder than mine at the moment. But I'm praying you have peace.
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Post by Mary H on Apr 3, 2016 8:14:26 GMT -5
Your so right
He ended up coming home at 2am.. He texted & said he just needed to get away & just don't want to here at the moment.. But he's never here anyway.. I usually see him for about 30mins before bed because he comes home late.. I guess even 30 mins around me owns too much for him.. I think he's just trying avoid any conversation that might be about how he needs to figure out weather were together or not.. He do t want to make up his mind.. He just wants to hangout in the middle, & while that's probably great for him, it's terrible for the kids & I... Idk, I'm trying to back off once again & just accept this situation as it is, & trust God. It's hard to be submissive to a man in this situation, but it what the Lord is calling me to
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Post by Mary H on Apr 3, 2016 8:14:45 GMT -5
I hope things go uphill for you & Garrett.. I'm praying
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 3, 2016 10:27:00 GMT -5
Glad he came home. My husband came home at 1 am too. But I get where your coming from. I'll keep praying for you. I have to look more into what being submissive actually means in biblical marriage. Because I've heard some messages on it through focus on the family I'm still not sure what it's suppose to look like. From what I think I know, the husband is the head and makes decisions but comes to the wife to discuss them as a team. That our job is to make sure that no decision is made that could be detrimental to us or the family in anyway. I think? I still need to look more into it. Praying for you Mary!
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Post by Mary H on Apr 3, 2016 13:06:55 GMT -5
I think in a healthy marriage, the couple would discuss but ultimately the decision is left up to the husband. Unless it's against Christ. But in our cases, we are in extremely broken & fragile marriages.. Our husband hardly even want to be home due to all of the hurt, damage, & satans holds on them.. I think in both of our situations our husbands are so used to is calling all of the shots & being controlling. They need to know we respect them & trust them with which way our lives move & even when we don't trust their judgment, we can still submit & trust Christ.. Later on when the marriage is healed & thriving, there will be more discussion & a lot will be better. If you can, get the book that I've mentioned may times "Sacred Influence" by Gary Thomas
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Post by william on Apr 3, 2016 13:30:46 GMT -5
Mary,
I am going to read that book next, currently I am reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer and it is a really good book. I agree with t your last post. I so badly want to be able to communicate with Allison, I try to-when I am at the house visiting the kids and she does get home she chooses not to engage in conversation and is on her phone constantly - I leave shortly after because can feel the tension radiating from her. Every time I leave I end up praying and reading my Bible to early morning the next day. I know she is hurting and rightfully so, all I want to do is be able to talk with my wife. |
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 3, 2016 15:24:36 GMT -5
That's a good point Mary. Maybe I'll get it on Friday along with Boundaries in Marriage. Garrett wanted to read that one together so maybe I can talk him into the other one too.
William I'm sorry things are still tense but I'll continue to pray for your wife's heart to soften.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 3, 2016 18:34:15 GMT -5
Praying for you, Mary, Marissa, and William. I think this is a hard topic in broken marriages but the ultimate charge is to trust in God and submit to His will and He will show us the way.
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Post by Mary H on Apr 3, 2016 19:37:28 GMT -5
I know what that's like William.. They are currently bound but satan won't have their thinking forever because of the call the Almighty has placed on us!! We have to grow closer like Jesus through this!! I'm determined to not let this time be waisted! This time is precious! We need to use this time to grow grow grow & focus in heaven more than our marriages. I've rread battle field of the mind twice; it's a really good one! Love Joyce Meyer! Marissa, if you decide to read the book with Garrett, you will most likely need Scared Marriage instead of Sacred Influence. Sacred Influence is for wives from a males perspective. It focuses on exactly what is wives need to be focusing on the most- our relationship with Christ & how we can be better wives instead of trying to juggle how we can be a good wife but also how my husband could be a better husband.. Really helps focus on what God calls us to focus on.
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Post by Eric W. on Apr 3, 2016 20:52:23 GMT -5
I just started reading Sacred Marriage. It's been a busy day, so I haven't gotten far.
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Post by Mary H on Apr 3, 2016 21:38:07 GMT -5
Awesome! I've never read it, only heard great things about it & love the other one so I'm sure that one is just as great. Let me know what you think of it once you get going with it  |
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Post by Sharon on Apr 4, 2016 8:29:00 GMT -5
So the last few days, I was thinking of the start of my relationship with Chris. Just being friends and not necessarily in love, but open to the idea of being together. I've been trying to treat him this way - I care about him because I know he's a good guy, but I am focused on me and my relationship with God. When I could remember how I used to feel about him when we were just friends, it was so much easier to focus on God and yet still be loving towards Chris, but not in love. Really like starting over. Mary it might help to remember that with Tony and try to act this way towards him. Obviously it's not that you hate him or you're hurt or angry. It's just letting go of the concern and giving that over to God. I have seen overnight changes in our marriage and I'm all of a sudden focused where I was hopeless before. I am praying for you sister.
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