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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 4, 2016 23:33:48 GMT -5
I think, and this is just from my limited experience, that standing for your marriage sometimes means praying for your spouse, following what God's word says about marriage, and then focusing on your relationship with God.
In the few months my husband was gone I went from being completely broken by it to saying "Ok God, I'm at the edge of myself, you take control. Align my will with yours, show me what I need to change in myself, and help me to focus on you and not my storm." I can honestly say I didn't see God work miracles until I was at a point where I was praying for him to come home but I had enough faith to believe if his heart was hardened and he didn't come back due to his free will, that I would have God and that was enough for me.
A few people have told me that I learned these things really quickly compared to others and that I had a lot of wisdom early on in my stand. I thank God for that. So maybe that's what God is trying to show you. He wants you to come to the end of yourself because where you end He begins. He works best when you consume yourself with Him and not with your spouse. Now that's not to say I didn't pray for him a lot or have others pray a lot, of course I did. And I still do. My family, my friends, and all of you. I also spoke as much truth and love to him as I could when he would talk to me and I changed my attitude. I praised God and worshipped every chance I had. I drowned myself in God and that's when he moved mountains. I'm not too sure where you are you your stand but keep pressing into the Lord. Every person and relationship is different but I know that God desires one thing from all of us, for Him to be enough. When I was a teenager I started to pray, "Lord make me have faith like Job. Let me always believe that you are enough even if everything is taken from me." I still pray that sometimes. When my husband left I remembered that prayer and said "Ok God you are enough, even though this hurts and I don't know why this is happening, you are enough."
I'm sorry for the long response, the Holy Spirit just lead me to write all this down. I don't know who He's trying to speak to but I know that someone or maybe a few of you maybe needed to read this.
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Post by tkk2 on Apr 5, 2016 4:11:27 GMT -5
Thanks Marissa! I just put up on my wall God is Enough and drew a heart around it.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 5, 2016 5:59:35 GMT -5
Thank you Marissa for sharing this! God is definitely enough... Why is that so easy to forget??
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Post by fordlindsey5314 on Apr 5, 2016 6:06:11 GMT -5
I definitely needed that, thank you Marissa  |
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Post by pstokes522 on Apr 5, 2016 6:52:28 GMT -5
I've been standing for so long & seem to go through peaks & valleys. I was at a point at one time that I prayed for David, and was standing in every way, but I wasn't totally consumed with standing. I had a time of great peace then. But, I felt like I was falling out of love with him, because there was absolutely no contact between us. I didn't want to not love him, so I started looking at pictures of our life together, watching old tapes of us & the kids when they were young. I started really focusing on what we had, and fell madly in love with him again. Since then, even though we still didn't have contact, I've spent every waking moment possible, praying for him and our marriage. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to pray as much as I have been, but I think my prayer life has been too focused on him and our marriage. I keep reading testimonies that focused prayer and fasting preceded a breakthrough, so I honestly a breakthrough was coming. I guess it did, just not the breakthrough I was wanting. Anyway, I'm going to get back to where I'm standing, just not consumed by it. I need that peace back. I'm too old to be crying all the time. And my 21 year old daughter still lives with me, I don't want her always seeing me upset & crying. God reminded me tonight that He was going to bring David home a Godly man, not that He was going to bring David home and transform him into a Godly man. There is a big difference between the two. Thank you all for your wisdom and prayers.  |
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Post by Mary H on Apr 5, 2016 8:56:49 GMT -5
I often wish that was Gods plan for us... For Tony to not come back until he's godly... Unfortunately the hand that's been delt to me is to endure the pain of watching him sin right in front of my face everyday, & having to accept him, love him, forgive him, & be a bright light for the Lord to use to reach him...
He blames everything on me constantly, yells, has anger fits, is impatient with our babies & doesn't spend time with them, does drugs, comes home drunk, has a lock on his phone & is constantly on it, doesn't come home until we're all asleep, doesn't help out with things, waists money, has depression, & trust & control issues to the point of not allowing our kids to be babysat by anyone so I never get a break & he doesn't want to work on any of his issues at all.. He says we're not together, but he lives here & treats me as if we're together when he wants me to love on him or be intimate.. I just zip my lips, pray, respond with love, & try to encourage him.. It's the total opposite of how I used to be.. It used to be the other way around before we separated.. I know God is working on me through this & refining me, but Lately my light has grown so very dim due to Tony's constant sin..
I pray when David comes home to you, he is completely transformed & living, or at least wanting to live upright & with the Lord
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Post by Sharon on Apr 5, 2016 12:26:23 GMT -5
Eric I think you said it perfectly. If God is calling you to stand, obey him and He is going to bless you. That being said, there is a difference between having faith that our marriages will be restored and obsessing and creating an idol of your spouse. You can "give up" in the sense of saying you will not live your life focused and centered around if your spouse will come home or where they will be. God wants to be that center in our lives. One thing I struggled with for a long time was spending time with God while Chris was home. I would do my prayer and bible study, but when Chris came home my focus shifted to him and how much time we could spend together - after all God is always with me, but Chris was only with me certain times of the day. I had made an idol out of him and God wanted me to spend time with him, regardless of what Chris is doing. This week has been a blessing because since I decided to "give up", Chris has been seeking me out in my quiet time with God and spending time with me and with God. We read every mans marriage for a while last night. The day before we went to church and sang praise songs in the car. His heart is being softened because he wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with God. Please don't give up your stand, but you can definitely give up your idols.
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 5, 2016 12:56:02 GMT -5
His heart is being softened because he wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with God. Please don't give up your stand, but you can definitely give up your idols. This moves me and encourages me so much... Thanks Sharon for the reminder. |
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Post by fordlindsey5314 on Apr 5, 2016 15:22:25 GMT -5
His heart is being softened because he wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with God. Please don't give up your stand, but you can definitely give up your idols. This moves me and encourages me so much... Thanks Sharon for the reminder. I agree with you ladies... this group has helped me so much, to see things from a different perspective, so thank you both!! |
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Post by pstokes522 on Apr 6, 2016 0:53:21 GMT -5
I often wish that was Gods plan for us... For Tony to not come back until he's godly... Unfortunately the hand that's been delt to me is to endure the pain of watching him sin right in front of my face everyday, & having to accept him, love him, forgive him, & be a bright light for the Lord to use to reach him... He blames everything on me constantly, yells, has anger fits, is impatient with our babies & doesn't spend time with them, does drugs, comes home drunk, has a lock on his phone & is constantly on it, doesn't come home until we're all asleep, doesn't help out with things, waists money, has depression, & trust & control issues to the point of not allowing our kids to be babysat by anyone so I never get a break & he doesn't want to work on any of his issues at all.. He says we're not together, but he lives here & treats me as if we're together when he wants me to love on him or be intimate.. I just zip my lips, pray, respond with love, & try to encourage him.. It's the total opposite of how I used to be.. It used to be the other way around before we separated.. I know God is working on me through this & refining me, but Lately my light has grown so very dim due to Tony's constant sin.. I pray when David comes home to you, he is completely transformed & living, or at least wanting to live upright & with the Lord I am so sorry Mary  I've been so disappointed in things not happening the way I wanted them to, that I've lost focus on My Lord and Savior and the reason this forum was created in the first place, which was to support each other and lift each other up. I must confess, I think I would rather David continue the divorce proceedings and continue to ignore me than to put me through what you are going through right now. I pray God brings you someone who is actually physically there that can befriend you and offer up some help to you with your babies. I don't remember where you live, but if you're close to Texas I'll be happy to come help you. My heart is breaking for you right now. |
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Post by Mary H on Apr 6, 2016 6:43:37 GMT -5
Well, yesterday Tony said he doesn't want a long term relationship with me.. That because of how I treated him before we separated (controlling, naggy, critical, & unsubmissive) & because I'm "narrow minded" (I think he means because I live for God) that he will never want to be with me. He slept on the couch & it's so hard for him to be so cold toward me.. After 3 months of him kissing me, saying I love you before he leaves, texting me back.. The rejection hurts..
He admitted that it's nothing I do now, but what I did back then. Basically he can't forgive me.. I pointed out that if only he could forgive me, our marriage would work. I pointed out that I think the reason he's retreating again is because he's realizing that I've changed & he will have to change for us to have a healthy realationship, & he's avoiding that because it's hard to change. He didn't deny that.. He said us being together is "too soon"
I'm trying to focus on how broken & hurt he is. That he's miserable because he keeps running from God. Focus on how God loves him & wants to be in realationship with him.. Instead of focusing on my desires, hurts, & emotions.. I want to pray for what matters, like his salvation, & not out of a heart that just wants it for my own comfort.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 6, 2016 7:24:38 GMT -5
Mary I think what you said is right on. "I want to pray for what matters, like his salvation, & not out of a heart that just wants it for my own comfort." It's an incredibly hard and necessary thing to pray for in your marriage. His relationship with Christ is ultimately for his sake, not yours. Your marriage restored is the happy side effect of living with an equally yoked man. We forget that so easily, but its necessary to remember if we are going to keep our focuses on God and allow him to take control of our spouses. Mary I know it hurts, but don't lose heart. It sounds like the enemy speaking, especially the fact that he's saying it's "too soon". If you get a chance, I hope you would listen to my churches online sermon from this last sunday. www.newlifechurch.org/podcasts (from April 4, "Jesus is the capstone"). He spoke at one point about how there is a list on this side of what the world says is awesome and when you ask a non believer to give that up for the "mysteries of God" it's off putting. It's hard to convince a person to give up the comforts they know for something unknown. Then he talked about when a person chooses to follow God on their own, how the things on those list will just fall away on their own over time. That a person who follows God will start to choose to give those up, because their desire is for God. |
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Post by Adrienne on Apr 6, 2016 7:37:14 GMT -5
Sharon, you hit the nail on the head... That is exactly why my husband says he doesn't want to be in church. He says he's been there before and it's all just a list of rules of basically "you can't do anything fun." My heart breaks for these men because their perspective is so warped! They cannot see that God is so much greater than anything the world can offer! And that is tragic...
Mary, I'm so sorry for this pain. I agree that it is the enemy at work in him. But God is bigger than the enemy.. I read a verse this morning that says that whenever the enemy tempts us, God provides a way out. Tony seems to be so tempted to just "give up" and not make the necessary effort to forgive you and treat you right, but God will be calling to him from the door to forgiveness... The "way out" of that anger he's holding onto. The thing is that they are so lost that often they can barely hear that voice, they can hardly see that door, and then they go and stick their fingers in their ears while they run further into the world!!!!
We have to pray for God to speak so loudly that they cannot ignore, and again, not for our marriages' sake but rather so that they can be saved!
Keep praying, ladies. Keep trusting. God's mercy is great and He doesn't want any of His children to be lost. We may grow tired (or we already are, haha) but He will not give up on these men. He won't stop fighting for them... So we shouldn't either.
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Post by marissaa91 on Apr 6, 2016 13:02:44 GMT -5
I'm sorry Mary. I Know how hard that must be on you. But at least God is showing you where he's at and what to pray for. This could be a blessing in disguise because he's not blaming you now, he's just holding onto the world and unforgiveness. But the Lord can do anything. I agree with you though, that you should pray for what matters.
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I've been so disappointed in things not happening the way I wanted them to, that I've lost focus on My Lord and Savior and the reason this forum was created in the first place, which was to support each other and lift each other up. I must confess, I think I would rather David continue the divorce proceedings and continue to ignore me than to put me through what you are going through right now. I pray God brings you someone who is actually physically there that can befriend you and offer up some help to you with your babies. I don't remember where you live, but if you're close to Texas I'll be happy to come help you. My heart is breaking for you right now.