|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 27, 2016 10:55:41 GMT -5
So I know I shouldn't have but this morning I was curious to see if my fingerprint still unlocked my husband's phone. And it did. So I snooped. Not a lot but enough to know that all my suspicions and dreams were true. My husband and his best friend's girlfriend were attracted to each other and maybe even kissed while we were apart. Behind his froends back. Since I met her there was always a gut feeling I had about her. We always fought about it. And since then the Lord even gave me dreams about her not being good for our marriage. I guess they stopped talking before he came back. But I started to freak out so he woke up. He didn't know I had looked through his phone so I kind of lied and said God gave me dreams about them. He lied to my face. I didn't argue about it or tell him I went through his phone. I just cried, said I needed a minute, and grabbed his cigarettes to go smoke. She's still around and is still his friend kind of. So now I'm gonna be praying and interceding more than ever. I need peace, wisdom how to handle this, and God to be in the middle of my marriage. I know he was convicted the second I said anything. I could see it on his face. But he still lied. My heart hurts but I'm just pretending that it's just a dream and acting normal with him. Any prayers would be appreciated. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Mar 27, 2016 13:34:11 GMT -5
Yes I am praying sister. I would highly suggest you read the blog on Godzgurlz called my husband is cheating. It gave me a lot of insight in my battles.
“Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity.”
Psalm 37:1-11
|
|
|
|
Post by Mary H on Mar 27, 2016 14:26:53 GMT -5
Praying!
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 27, 2016 15:15:06 GMT -5
I prayed while getting ready and really worshipped at church. Somehow this morning made me appreciate Jesus' sacrifice even more. I was more worried about my sin than my husband's today. I prayed for us both but I felt like God was still telling me not to worry, to pray, and to focus on being more like Him. I really grabbed a hold of God's sacrifice thus morning. Praise God because no matter what happens I'm saved and that's enough.
|
|
|
|
Post by fordlindsey5314 on Mar 27, 2016 15:23:01 GMT -5
I'll be praying for you  |
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 27, 2016 15:37:26 GMT -5
Thank you all for your prayers♡
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 28, 2016 3:41:10 GMT -5
So I'm struggling a little. I know they aren't flirting or whatever it was when we were apart anymore. But she's his drummer's gf. It's his friends gf. So she's still around him on occasion. He still considers her a friend. I don't want him around someone he's ever been attracted to or tempted with. But it's barely been back a week and I know we aren't on solid ground yet. I know he would flip if he knew I snooped. Idk how to approach this or when. I don't want to dwell on something that isn't happening anymore but I know I can't leave it unresolved either. I've been fighting myself all day to post up quotes about lying and loyalty all day because I know in my heart I want to bring conviction on him. But I know that's not my job, it's God's and doing anything out of spite will not bear good fruit. I have to pray for God to give me wisdom on how to handle this, to show me in His timing when I should speak up, and have God speak through me. I have more peace than this morning but I just feel so bad about myself, like why am I not good enough in his eyes for him to do this while we were apart. My heart hurts but I know God will take time to heal it.
|
|
|
|
Post by fordlindsey5314 on Mar 28, 2016 6:53:35 GMT -5
Aww Marissa I'm so sorry you're having to go through that. I'll be praying for you, that God will give you the right words to speak to him. You're in my thoughts girl |
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Mar 28, 2016 7:40:20 GMT -5
Marissa my heart hurts to see this pain. I can really identify with this situation. I snooped after finding out about ny husband's affair and found him exchanging inappropriate texts with yet another girl... I confronted him about it and he also lied! It turned very nasty and I didn't show grace in any form. It was a big setback in our healing process.
I can't tell you what to do in this situation (other than pray). But you are right: it's God's job to convict his heart. And it will also take time for him to change completely; it's a process. I agree that I wish that our spouses would separate themselves 100% from any questionable people. At this point that's not something my husband is willing to do either. But our God is bigger than that. Instead of torturing ourselves over whatever person's presence, we should instead focus on praying for divine protection over our husbands' minds! Temptations will come every day for them, and they will have to (learn to) choose to resist, with God's help... Don't lose hope. God can transform hearts beyond our wildest imagination! Just look at Paul who used to be Saul!
And remember. You ARE enough. This is a hard lesson to learn and it's an area that I think the enemy loves to attack. Our spouses' wayward actions are not a reflection of us, they are a reflection of the God-shaped hole in themselves that they are trying to fill with things of this world.
I'll continue in prayer for you! But today, eyes on God, dear friend!
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 28, 2016 11:06:47 GMT -5
Thank you so much Adrienne. That really helped me. I have to remind myself that I am enough. That God made me special.
After I updated last night my husband came to bed. Every night we pray and last night was my turn. So out loud with him by my side, I poured my heart. I first Thanked the Lord for his sacrifice for me and for giving us such a wonderful day with our families. Then I started to cry and I asked for God to heal in me what still needs healing, thanked him for our marriage, and asked for his divine protection over it. That what the enemy intended for evil, all attacks and temptations, God would turn and use for good. That we would walk upright bearing good fruit always because God is enough for me. So let my life alwas glorify his name even in pain and ended the prayer. Then, with tears in my eyes, I told my husband how insecure I felt. That I needed to be honest and stop acting like I'm so tough because I do hurt even though I don't talk about it. That I struggle with feeling good enough for him, even though I know the Lord says I am, because he always takes off when things happen or get hard. That I'm sad because we didn't spend our first v-day together as a married couple but I know God will give me back all the time the enemy stole from me. I poured my soul out, really exposed my heart. He kissed my forehead and told me to stop. That I worry too much and the more I think about it the worse I'll feel. That he was sorry about valentine's day but yes God will give that back. And that he struggles with insecurities too but that he wouldn't be here with me if I wasn't enough. He hugged and kissed me as I cried and he said he loved me and then he turned it intimate. (His love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation and I remembered that during everything. I'm sure God made me remember that and I realized that this was his greatest way of showing me he loves me. It brought me peace and allowed me to sleep.)
|
|
|
|
Post by Sharon on Mar 28, 2016 13:19:06 GMT -5
About the not feeling good enough thing - I got stuck in that trap for many years. I tried to tell my husband no other woman would put up with this, I tried to change what I was doing and be more exciting for him, I even fell into sin with him to "try to be enough" for him. It took me many years to realize something. I am not enough. I am not supposed to be enough either! Sex is not something that men need, contrary to what the world will tell you ("I have needs"). Sex is a gift from God to a man and his wife. It's a bonus gift, not a need. So in the sense of sex, I am his wife. Absolutely I am enough. The real problem is I am not enough to fill this void in my husbands heart, because that's not my place. That hole, God reserved for himself. He is supposed to fill this place in that man and when he chooses to try to fill it with women and things and other worldly obsessions, he will always be disappointed. No I am not enough for him and I am not supposed to be - God is enough and He is supposed to fill that place.
|
|
|
|
Post by Adrienne on Mar 28, 2016 14:50:48 GMT -5
Sharon you expressed that perfectly!! Marissa, I am glad that God gave you some peace and that you were able to have positive interaction with your husband about this.
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 28, 2016 15:47:48 GMT -5
This has been weighing so heavy on me. I feel like I can't breathe a lot of the time because I'm holding this secret. I think I need to say something to him. I'm just praying it doesn't blow up in my face. Lord bring peace.
|
|
|
|
Post by fordlindsey5314 on Mar 28, 2016 16:43:26 GMT -5
Aww Marissa I'll be praying that God will give you the right words to say.
|
|
|
|
Post by marissaa91 on Mar 28, 2016 17:04:17 GMT -5
I told him I knew. He wasn't mad. I got everything off my chest. He told me the truth. I told him just because I'm calm doesn't mean that I'm taking this lightly. That it is very serious. It's gonna be a hard road from here but I can breathe again. I knew in my heart nothing can be fixed if anything is hidden in darkness. But I will say I don't feel a heaviness anymore but I feel so sad. Just incredibly broken. And then she text him while we were in the car and I broke down and cried before walking into do our taxes just now. I don't know where we go from here, I don't know how to trust him again, how to forgive them and not grow angry or bitter. I just know I need God more now than ever.
|
|
