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Post by Adrienne on Mar 18, 2016 17:30:58 GMT -5
Today when G got home from work, he was talking to me about his day and he told me that he had an interesting conversation with a coworker. Apparently they started talking about G's son, who is special needs, has tons of health problems, and lives in G's home country. The coworker was very surprised, and said something like he couldn't believe how happy and positive G was all the time if he had been dealt such a hard hand with his son. A while later the coworker came back and said that he could really see God's peace in G since he has this happy demeanor despite the hardships, and the coworker praised him for having that type of connection with God.
This really convicted me deeply because so often I judge G as being so very far away from God and deep in sin. I had the thought that maybe I am guilty of looking at him (and judging him) as a sinful, failed man rather than looking at him with graceful love (like God looks at us thanks to Jesus' sacrifice!). How self-righteous does that make me?
I know this is rooted in insecurity and hurt and this lasting unforgiveness... I often look at him as the source of so much pain.
But I am feeling so convicted because I know instead I should be seeing him as a gift from God, a brother in Christ, a work in progress...
So, friends, how do you see your spouse?
Any recommendations on how to shift perspective? I know it's something I need to pray on but I thought I probably wouldn't be alone in this so I wanted to share.
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Post by Sharon on Mar 18, 2016 17:39:34 GMT -5
Oh man, thanks for pouring on the conviction Adrienne! Lol
I am guilty. Chris has said it to me before (recently actually) and I've gotten verses in my devotionals about removing the plank from my own eye, before removing the speck from my brothers. You're so right. I think Chris is stupid - I've literally said it to his face. He makes horrible decisions and I want to blame him for that, but I need to stop. Chris is who God made him to be, and the things that frustrate me about him now (he is so casual about everything - nothing bothers him or gets to him) are going to be used for blessings in Gods time. I can't keep looking at myself as so righteous and holy, because I am judging and I act like I am better then him. We have all sinned and fall short of Gods glory. That's why he sent his son - to give us grace. All of us. Even me.
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Post by tkk2 on Mar 18, 2016 18:37:21 GMT -5
Hey ladies! I'm always very careful to not character assassinate someone!! my husband might be ACTING stupid. ...but he is not stupid....big difference!
So, we have the same discussions....he thinks im shoving god down his throat, because i sometimes leave him a copy of something powerful i read. He takes it pointedly when I'm just trying to share.
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Post by tkk2 on Mar 18, 2016 18:41:20 GMT -5
At the moment we are not equally yoked and i do find myself guilty sometimes pointing a finger
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Post by Mary H on Mar 18, 2016 20:04:48 GMT -5
I do this as well & try to instantly remind myself that he's my brother.. Even calling him brother lol. I'll say somthing like, "you'll get there in perfect timing, brother" & he thinks it's funny & also makes him feel like I'm in his team. Not to mention it reminds ME that I'm on his team..
Tony often has people coming to him for advice; usually about realationships!!!! Even older men will often come to him... He gives pretty decent advice for someone who doesn't practice Jesus teachings..
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Post by william on Mar 18, 2016 20:37:12 GMT -5
now as I look back w/20/20 hindsight and reflect on why I did what I did that led to Allison & my current storm was because I was looking and saw everything with worldly eyes. While I had been baptized as a child and adult, I can say that I really did not have Christ in me...I was in Christ, and the feeling that burned in me further separated me from him and made my worldly desires stronger. I didn't fully comprehend what it meant to be accepted, forgiven and loved by God. I now know, understand, and feel how God thinks, knows and loves me. How so perfect he is, and how faulty I am yet his "view & feelings" never change towards me. The feeling I now get from God, is exactly how I see my wife and kids. I thought I knew what love felt like before, and I was so way off base on that.
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Post by Mary H on Mar 18, 2016 20:56:24 GMT -5
Praise God that He chose to grant you eyes to see & ears to hear!! I I just know you will be restored with your wife swiftly!
I pray that this would be Tony's testimony too very soon! In Jesus name!
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Post by tkk2 on Mar 18, 2016 21:18:17 GMT -5
William, i just love what God is doing in your heart! You have amazing perception! His timing will be perfect in your lives. Stay strong and focused, brother! God bless
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 19, 2016 10:57:29 GMT -5
Thank you so much everyone for your input! I really appreciate your honesty! I am encouraged by the fact that I'm not alone in this and also by William's awesome testimony!
William I am so blessed that you are part of this group, I praise God for this amazing transformation that reminds me of His incredible power to change hearts!!
Sharon that verse Matthew 7:3 is so powerful!! Thanks for reminding me of it, for some reason it hadn't come to mind even though it's definitely a verse I've prayed on before and I even have it on my phone case along with some other verses that encourage me.. Oops, guess this is a reminder to pay more attention to the word!!!
Thanks again everyone, let's all keep praying in this area!
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Post by Adrienne on Mar 19, 2016 10:59:07 GMT -5
I also love that distinction TK.. Acting stupid vs actually being stupid!! :-D
I know we allll act stupid sometimes...! Thank God for His amazing grace!!
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Post by marissaa91 on Mar 19, 2016 11:46:39 GMT -5
I definitely view my husband in a negative way sometimes. I will look to the sin he's in instead of the progress he's made. And I can always tell by how I pray. One of the devotionals I did recently discussed whether I prayed ABOUT my husband and his faults or whether I prayed FOR my husband. There is a difference. That really opened my eyes. So I try to remember to pray "Lord let me see you in him. Let me see him the way you see him and others."
I have to remember I'm a sinner too and I have to work on myself if I want God to work in him.
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Post by Mama2twogirls on Mar 20, 2016 2:27:45 GMT -5
I do this too. I often view my husbands walk with God as immature to sometimes non existent. He tends to get sparks of the Holy Spirit but does not walk the course it takes to go further, dig deeper. I have been blessed with a new awareness of how God sees him as I began in my own recovery progress last year. My husband is a child of God, God does not see him as an addict, God sees him as his beloved son. God reminds me that our battle is not with flesh and blood. This is a spiritual battle and the devil will not have a stronghold in our marriage. Every good and perfect gift comes from above.
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Post by leanna72 on Mar 26, 2016 19:34:58 GMT -5
I can relate. My biggest problem was how I saw Justin at the time that I strayed well over two years ago. I thought of him as a lazy unloving undeserving waste of my time.
I couldn't see how he loved me, and I fell into the belief of the lie that if didn't love me and if he wouldn't take care of me someone else would and I would be happier with them.
Adrienne I will look up to see if I can find the devotion from RMM about how you look at your spouce. You have to seperate what the enemy is doing through them from who they are. I have changed in how I look at my husband and often he doesn't feel it or believe it but I know I started looking at him differently when my mom called it out. She jokingly said ut-oh I've seen that look before, Don't get pregnant again... I hadn't realized I was gleaming at seeing him. I think they see it when we light up in seeing them and I try to bring that in to our day to day lives. Sometimes it is easier said than done and sometimes I have to limit it because the adoration is unwelcomed.
William I too didn't know how to love before our troubles. I didn't have a relationship with Christ. I wasn't living with him as Lord of my Life. If Justin asks me why the changes in my life are going to last I need to tell him because I wasn't saved before. I believed but wasn't saved. I didn't live my life for God, I do now.
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