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Post by Adrienne on Jun 11, 2018 9:56:35 GMT -5
How do you know when it’s time to walk away? I know this group is for standers. I’ve been standing since 2014, fighting tooth and nail for my marriage, on my knees and in every other way that I could think of. I know the main purpose of Christianity isn’t to be happy, but I don’t want to be miserable and struggling for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be married to a man who I feel like doesn’t really love or care about me and can’t be bothered to change. I am so, so tired and broken. I feel done. I feel like I want to run for the hills.
But at the same time, that breaks my heart. I am sobbing as I write this. I have invested everything in this marriage. I love this man. And yet I feel like if I tell him that it’s over unless we can try together with God to fix it, he would rather say goodbye than make the effort. I feel like my heart is splintering into a million pieces and I don’t know what to do.
Take it to the cross, I know, but I pray and all I do is cry and ask God where to go from here. I don’t have a clear answer yet. I just know I don’t want to forever be bound to someone who doesn’t value me as God’s beloved daughter.
So how do I know when to let go and walk away?
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Post by tkk2 on Jun 12, 2018 4:38:02 GMT -5
Adrienne, i am sorry for your tears. Its a rotten place to be in. I know what its like to be done....personally i go thru a similar emotional cycle thru my separation.
My best advise....you can't fix him
AND....you can't fix your marriage, but God can. You have to get to a point of pure surrender. Ask God to show you a sign. For me it was pennies on sidewalks....right smack in the middle of where i was walking....bright shinny new pennies. My head would be down, almost in defeat....trying to process how to look like i have it together for the client that I was walking into. There were also deer. The first one i noticed in my stand was lame and lying down.....just resting. It was so peaceful...reminding me to be still.
These signs came to me after prayer asking if i should continue to stand.
Ask the Lord for clarity and for a sign.....so you can be reassured that he's got this.
Some hearts are so hard and stubborn, that you may have to get the divorce, for him to be touched.
Get yourself out of your own way, so you can hear God's instructions....surrender.
I also pray for you to have peace in the situation. Continue to work on you....do unto others, and be a light for them. Eventually G will see all of this.
Be strong and courageous.
In this world we will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, because Christ has overcome the world.
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Post by Adrienne on Jun 13, 2018 10:50:47 GMT -5
Thank you so much TK for your encouragement. I am really struggling lately. I feel lost and angry.
I was talking to a Christian friend today and she echoed a lot of what you are saying. She suggested I take a set period of time to pray for G's heart to be softened and his mind to be opened, and that during that time I also pray for my own relationship with God and for His instruction. And said that when the period of prayer time ends, in a few weeks or whenever, to talk to G about pursuing Christ together. But to really pray that it be God's words speaking through me then. And if he says no and his heart is still hard, to go back into prayer asking for a sign and clear instruction about whether to continue standing.
She reminded me that I can ask for behavioral changes from G but really what it boils down to is putting Christ at the center of our marriage. And also echoed what you are saying that it is in God's hands, and my role is to be prayerful and pursue God.
I really appreciate that I have friends in Christ who are encouraging me to go to Him. I am going to try and surrender this and really seek out His will, like I did when I was newer to this stand (and not so tired!).
Thank you again so much for your prayers and encouragement. It really means a lot.
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Post by pstokes522 on Jun 15, 2018 4:51:22 GMT -5
Adrienne - I know where you are and how tired and broken you are. I’ve been there and it’s so physically and emotionally draining that it’s hard to just get out of bed in the morning. Listen to the song ‘Worn’ by Tenth Avenue North. There were times I just put that song on repeat and played it over and over while I just laid and cried - letting the words to the song tell God just how broken I was. And God always came through for me and comforted me so I knew I wasn’t alone.
Tk is right - you need to surrender it all to God. Don’t even worry about G or your marriage right now - just give it all to God and let Him heal you and lift you up. He doesn’t want you in the place where you are - He wants you to be the strong, faith filled, confident person that you have proven to be to everyone on this forum and I’m confident to the people who cross paths with you on a regular basis.
Give G to God. Let Him deal with his issues. There’s nothing you can say or do that is going to change his heart and turn it to God. All you can do is pray for God to break him to the point that the only place to look is up. But don’t center your prayers or attention toward G or your marriage - Pray for him then let it go - but pour your heart out for healing for yourself. Let God get YOU to where He wants you. That is going to be so much easier because you already have a heart for Him. Then, once you are clearly hearing Him again, let Him guide you on what steps He wants you to take.
It might be a separation. It might be a divorce - I don’t know and no one here or your Christian friends can tell you when it’s time to let go. We aren’t God and don’t understand His thoughts and ways. But I’m confident of this - YOU know God deep in your heart and soul. YOU know how to hear Him when He speaks. YOU NEED TO HEAL! Let Him, the Great Physician heal you and give YOU REST. Concentrate on Him, not G, not your marriage, and let Him get you back to where He wants you - leaning on Him for everything.
I’m saying prayers for you right now that you are able to quickly find your rest and strength in Him. ~Pat
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Post by Sharon on Jun 29, 2018 12:52:45 GMT -5
I can’t tell you what to do Adrienne, but we all understand where you are. I think you said something here though that you need to consider very seriously. “I feel like if I tell him that it’s over unless we can try together with God to fix it, he would rather say goodbye than make the effort.” Sister that is not love. That is you both willfully grasping to something that is falling apart. It’s not taking it to God. G has to be responsible for his own relationship with Christ and if you are just something he holds on to for the convenience and he is something you hold on to because you want it...that is not love. Christ’s love is sacrificial. He loves even when he push him away. He loves the way we all love our prodigals. We hold love for them, despite the suffering we have endured for them, because really what we love is their souls. We want to see God in their lives, because we know they were made for more then what they are living up to. If G would rather say goodbye then have a relationship with Christ, he is saying goodbye to God, not to you. And it isn’t your job to save this man. Only God can do it.
I think I’ve shared it before, but one of the pictures God gave me was a table that you buy at the store and bring home in pieces and then have to put together. What many of us did was throw the directions out and put the table together (our marriage) without it. Well so it’s a little wonky. We left out some screws and the table wobbles a little and one leg seems shorter than the other, but we did the best we could and we have sat down to this table that was supposed to be this beautiful thing and it’s kinda good but it’s kinda a mess. What God sometimes wants to do is take the table apart, get the directions, and start over putting it back together the correct way that the directions (his Word) specifies. And the thing is that we’ve been sitting at this table for years so there’s some scratches and nicks and scars in places that shouldn’t be there, because we put it together wrong. But if we let God do that work of taking it completely apart to the basic pieces and starting over, giving the work over to Him, He will put it back together the way it was meant to be and it will still have the scars but it will be right!
I’m not telling you to divorce him. I’m telling you that you need to consider the options you have in front of you and consider that you are not responsible for G and his relationship with God. He is responsible for that. And I think your motivation needs to be with love. Not divorce in hopes of finding a better husband and a happier life and a life without the sorrows, but rather giving this man to God and if God prompts you one way or the other, walking in that way, even if it seems to lead AWAY from the promised land. Doing it out of LOVE for your husbands soul, not out of your own desires. I hope this makes sense.
Sister, I am praying. Living with an in home prodigal is one of the hardest things anyone can do. It’s confusing and you often feel like you’re going in circles. God has a direction to take you though and it’s not going to be in the same ways you have always gone. He has better plans for this then you do.
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Post by Sharon on Jul 17, 2018 23:16:22 GMT -5
Adrienne I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing sister. I’ve been praying a lot for you and one other thing I really felt God was telling me about your situation I wanted to share. If you are the only reason that G cares about God, that is more a reflection of his lack of a relationship with God then it is a reflection of your own relationship. He needs to love God most. The only way that we can all have a good, Christ filled marriage is that we love God most and our spouses second and they love God most and us second and that God brings us together so we can pour into each other. It is God pouring into us and that running over into our spouses and the same for them. God pouring into them and that running over into us. This is how we build each other up in marriage. But if he doesn’t even want the relationship with God...sister God has a lot of work to do. Keep praying for G every day. I am praying for both of you. For God to give you guidance and hope. But I remembered so clearly when we started our divorce, God telling me that this divorce was not Chris rejecting me, it was Chris rejecting God. I think G loves you, but he doesn’t understand God or His love for him. Pray that God removes the scales from Gs eyes. That the truth is revealed to G and that he understands and lets the truth settle into his heart. I’m praying for you sister. I hope you’re doing well. I love you lady
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