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Post by Sharon on Sept 18, 2017 11:41:26 GMT -5
Hey guys. Just a quick update. Chris started talking to a woman about a month ago from Japan and he's been telling her he loves her, sending videos and pics, etc. I found out yesterday and I know it was God revealing it. I reacted with anger and we finally sat down and talked. Chris told me that he started it because he thought that we were done and there was no point with us. I didn't understand and he reminded me I had said "I didn't feel like we were married while you were in Japan." The devil twisted my words, but I shouldn't have said that. I explained to him that what I meant was I felt like I was married to God while he was gone and I had a great summer even though he was gone. But I said it to attack him and I know I did that. It wounded him deeply though. In fact I ended up apologizing all day to him yesterday. His heart is hardened against me, just like that. As far as I know, he is still in contact with this woman and he has joined Tinder. For those of us who didn't know what that was, it's a dating app that helps you find sex partners on your area.
So I have been praying and crying out to God. This all happened yesterday and I have just stayed in prayer. I am not supposed to do anything right now. Chris said he doesn't know if he wants to stay or go so I told him I will wait and give him time to figure out what he wants. He was being nice yesterday, but also mean. He is not sure what he wants. I am just praying. This is so hard and heavy on me. I feel guilty for driving him off, but I know I can't soften his heart. I can't force him to forgive.
God has just called me to keep my mouth shut for now and only speak when I am spoken to, be loving, respectful, and encouraging when I do speak to him. And to mind my own business. He might still be talking to this woman, but when I talked to God about it this morning, I asked if I should tell him he either needs to stop talking to her and he can stay or he can keep talking to her and leave. And I heard a quick response "how can you be loving to him if he is not around? Don't worry about this. I have a plan and I will correct this before it gets to that point". So I am just waiting right now, praying, and determined to be a good wife. I want to be the wife that my husband wants. Please be praying for me brothers and sisters. Pray that I am strengthened, that this isn't painful, that God comforts and loves me, and that I can be loving, encouraging, and respectful completely to him. Lord please help me be the wife my husband wants.
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erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81 
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Post by erika on Sept 18, 2017 13:02:25 GMT -5
I'm praying for you Sharon!!! I understand what you're going thru, just trust God !! don't do anything, let God handle the problem and if Chris leaves ... let him go I know it's difficult but God knows what He's doing. I don't know if I told you but I found out few months ago my husband was cheating on me and I confronted him, I thought we were working on our problems and next thing I know he's telling me he's looking for a new place to move in and he was just waiting on our lease to expire.. I was devasted, I begged him to reconsider but he said no, that very same day I went to church I talked to my pastor and he told me to let my husband go and trust God that He will handle my problem only if I let Him... I was a bit shocked because my pastor was right. So I did, I gave the problem to God, I felt so much peace after it, that same week I found a new place to move in, I was getting ready to move my things when my husband told me his lease application was denied, and he couldn't find anything ... I knew that was God working on my problem. I told my husband he could stay with me in the new apartment till he finds a new place.. he stood quite so I kept packing my stuff and the very next day my husband fell ill, he couldn't move, on our way to the doctor my husband kept telling me " why do you still take care of me!! Im a cheating husband !! I said I vowed to God I would be with you in the good times and the bad times in sickness and in health. My husband cried. He ended up moving into the new place with me, and he has been very nice and loving to me. As you can see God orcquestraded those situations in my husband's life, because I allowed Him to take care of the problem and God did. I know God will do the same with your marriage, God will give you the peace and the strength, He did it with me and He will do it with you.
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Post by Adrienne on Sept 18, 2017 13:03:59 GMT -5
Oh, Sharon, I'm sorry. I know this hurts. I just read your other post where you said that Chris had been talking about you guys potentially renewing your vows. It is obvious that he is confused and that he gets scared when he thinks you're giving up on him and then lashes out in this type of sin. I think you've said it before... that this is his way of finding "wholeness", when of course he really needs to be pursuing God to do so.
I am glad that you are listening to God. Don't blame yourself too much for "driving him away" - we all make mistakes and have to treat one another with grace. You are treating Chris with grace, showing him love despite how painful his choices are for you, and at some point he has to also learn to show grace when you show your own pain in a way that is painful to him. This is all part of the process.
I also see you reacting to this better than you have in the past. I know God is working in you both and He won't let go of you until His work is done. I will be praying for strength and healing for you both, and also for wisdom and discernment - for you to know God's plans for you, and for Chris to understand how to cope with his insecurities in a godly way. Please keep us posted so we can pray effectively for you!! <3
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Post by Sharon on Sept 18, 2017 16:47:03 GMT -5
I love you guys so much and can't believe how quick you got back to me! This is hard. I keep sulking and feeling bad for myself, but actually God warned me last week that something was coming. Galatians 6:9 Let us not grow weary in doing good. I'm it's season we will bear fruit if we do not give up.
Perseverance overcomes resistance. That evil tricky devil keeps trying to lie to me and make me think of things I shouldn't think of, but I am trying to remember Philippians 4:4-8
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.
All I can do is try. Thank you God for making it simple though. Please pray for me to keep a clear head, to be full of joy despite the pain. To have a cup that is so full of God that it overflows. So that I don't have to pour out of my own cup to fill up others around me, but that God would pour out so much that it would just naturally overflow. And pray that the devil stay far away. He has been lying all day to me, but I am trying to think about everything I hear and feel before I make a move, because Gods words always leave me feeling peaceful where the devils always leave me feeling anxious. Stupid how it's so hard to distinguish sometimes, but in the middle of pain, it is just hard. Pray that I know Gods voice and that he whispers the way to me.
Erika thank you for telling me about this! Praise God because He is so good! And that is so encouraging. I know God has a plan. He is at work. And He is about to have a huge victory. Pray that I just stay patient (y'all know how I struggle with patience). Adrienne, thank you sister. You hit the nail on the head. He is confused and he wants to make me out to be the bad guy because he's tired of being evil. Even though he says he feels different this time, that he doesn't think he loves me anymore, I know that's all the devil and his lies. Try to break me down Satan I dare you, cause I have a strong God and He is about to win this battle and kick your butt! God please lock away the devils lies and just let Chris hear your voice and your truth. Silence the devil in Jesus name. Amen
Also, I was listening to the swipe right sermons by Levi Lusko and Jennie Lusko said something about needing God to make us whole before we can come together as one. Adrienne, I think that you are right about Chris looking to me to make him whole when only God can do that. Yes, if he has to go in order to realize he needs God, so be it. Lord your will be done.
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Post by Sharon on Sept 19, 2017 9:23:29 GMT -5
Chris sent this to me maybe 20 minutes ago. "Im struggling with some stuff on my own still. I still feel a certain way about the while situation and i know you say u dont mean it but i still feel like you do. I dont blame you because its probably been on your heart for years and its my fault but now i think i just need to be away from you for a bit like last time. I want to come begging for you again like you kicked me out." So we are separating for now and he's going to find somewhere else to stay.
I am not going to say that this is easy, but it isn't hurting the way it did before and I know that is God protecting me. I had a dream last night and at the end of it I heard God say to me "you are good and well loved and it is covered". And I didn't understand what it meant, but I wrote it in my prayer journal. Well I came back to my journal later and read the entry before it and I had written "Lord I love you. I love you. Please help Chris to follow after you. Do the work on his heart. Call him by name. Lord do some amazing miracles before his eyes so that he knows not only that you know him and see him, but that you love and adore him and you have a plan for him. Do something crazy lord! Something that will really amaze him! Please God and when it happens let him tell me about it and let me be awed and inspired by it too and let us praise you together." I know this was God answering me. He is going to do something amazing. Chris needs to get right with God before he and I can be one and equally yoked to each other. So I am going to wait. Please guys please pray that he doesn't do anything stupid to harm our marriage while he is away. I am so afraid of what he might do, but I am praying that God protects him and keeps him from going too far. Please pray for peace for me and comfort for me and pray for protection over Chris. Lord, I pray that he would fail at any relationship he tries to have. And I pray that just like in War room, you would physically keep him from being able to do anything against our marriage. Block him please! Amen
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erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by erika on Sept 19, 2017 16:49:31 GMT -5
I'm praying for you Sharon !! I know God has everything under control!! Believe that He is working in your life to use both the good and the bad for a greater purpose. Nothing that happens to you is a waste. " Many are the plans in a man's heart but is the Lord's purpose that prevails " proverbs 19:21.
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Post by pstokes522 on Sept 19, 2017 20:16:15 GMT -5
Sharon - I'm so sorry that Chris has decided to separate. I will pray for you, Chris and the kiddos. I know how hard separation is - just stay focused on The Cross - not Chris, not your circumstances and certainly not the OW. Draw strength from God - never will He leave you - never will He forsake you!
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Post by tkk2 on Sept 20, 2017 3:44:59 GMT -5
Sharon, I'm sorry to hear all this. i understand the emotions. Its raw, it stings. God will guide you. You are a wise woman. And at the same time he will protect Chris as he wanders.
I do sense this deep confusion in Chris.
For me, I'm coming up on 3 yrs since Dana left. It hasn't been easy, but i do believe it was absolutely necessary. I have learned that i cannot change Dana, i can only work on me. In the beginning my stand was for marriage restoration....i was called, and found myself honored to be chosen. It is hard to be obedient. But then about 1 1/2 yr in, God called me again. He called me to stand for him this time, not my marriage. I learned that i was standing in the gap for Dana's soul. As much as i wanted my earthly marriage back, it became so much more important that Dana got right with God....and if i had to choose my marriage or his salvation, it was no contest. That didn't make it easy, but it did give me great clarity. That was when everything changed and Dana started texting and coming around a bit. And now he comes by a lot. I remember the devastation i felt early on, reading testimonies of other standers and even finding you all. I couldnt imagine then how these people could make a stand for years and how hard that must be. But here i am....one of those people now. I tell you this because God will guide you. he will give you joy, which i never thought possible. The joy is from doing God's will in someone else's life. And at the same time he is refining us. My life right now is not where i want it, or even where i envision it, but it is exactly where God wants it. Let him guide you. It's scary, it will hurt, but it will be so worth it when you look back.
The scriptures that comes to mind are
"This is what the Lord says, I am making a way" Isaiah 43
"And so it was....that she, having waited long & endured patiently realized and obtained what God had promised"
Hebrews 6:15
In the end, it's all about love...God's love.
Pray and fast. Trust in the Lord.
You all have been such a blessing to me, i don't say it enough....but thank you and i love you all!
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Post by Sharon on Sept 20, 2017 13:35:08 GMT -5
Pat, thank you sister! I wrote this in my journal as I was praying today "Lord, I need to climb through this cross. I can't carry any of this baggage with me. I promised you that if the choice was you or Chris, it would be you. I am choosing you. But Lord guide me. I am stepping through this cross and loosing this baggage. Am I supposed to now talk to him about leaving? You told me how can I be loving to a person who isn't around, but is that still the case? I don't want to have to influence his decisions at all honestly. I want to let it go and let it fall at your feet and continue on towards you. Not drop him off my back by pushing him down the mountain. Instead let the pain stop hurting me and be focused only on you. So no, maybe I am not supposed to tell him to go. Rather, I am supposed to worry about me and you! Just us! And be filled with your peace and joy." I wrote this because, although Chris has said for the last two days that he is leaving, he has NOT left and has actually slept in the same bed as me. Mind you, there might as well be a canyon between us, because clearly he doesn't want me touching or being near to him. But it is confusion. He isn't sure what he wants.
TK thank you so much for your madly encouraging words and especially those verses! Yes, I know God is doing this work right now, because He can not stand to be separated anymore from Chris. I keep blaming myself for Chris falling away from God and all of this, but I know truthfully that Chris has not pursued God and that it's not my job to make sure they have a relationship. Chris has difficulty maintaining relationships in general honestly. So for him to have stayed with me this long is a miracle, but there is deep wounds from his childhood there too. I wrote this in my journal too "Lord, the picture today is that Chris is being tossed around in the ocean. Trying to decide which way to go and tossing back and forth uncertain. But I need to stand firm on your rock. It does not move. If I stand on you, I know I am safe. Whether he chooses to come stand with me on the rock or continue to ride the waves, I still need to stand my ground on your rock where Hope can be found. I will stand my ground where hope can be found. Lord you have asked me to be LOVING, ENCOURAGING, and RESPECTFUL! I have to stand my ground on that. No matter what Chris does, No Matter What He Does, I have to stand my ground! Encourage him. Come on Chris! You can do it! If you want to make it to this rock you can! If you want to ride the waves and try to keep your head above water, keep going baby! Encourage him! Build him up! Be his cheerleader! Be loving! He might not do what I want, but be loving. I love you! I won't give up on you! God won't either! Be respectful. If you want the water or the rock, that is your decision! No criticisms. No frustration. Just respect for your choice."
Sorry about my book style responses. Thank you guys for your prayers and please keep them up! I've been praying non stop recently. God is definitely at work here. I did it again by the way. Yesterday, after Chris told me he wants a separation, I booked us a weekend to remember with family life marriage ministries for November 3. I believe that God is going to do the work and I am trusting Him with that!
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Post by Sharon on Sept 20, 2017 18:02:45 GMT -5
This is going to be my new daily prayer for Chris
My daily prayer for Chris
I can't believe the things he is saying right now because he is repeating the lies of the enemy. Lord, I pray that you would surround Chris in a hedge of protection. That you would cast the enemy far away from him so that he would no longer hear his lies and instead that you would speak clearly all the truth to him. Strengthen him daily with your truth and daily keep the enemy far away so that he only hears you. And I pray that the same love and truth you speak to him would be reflected in my actions to him. That everything I say and do would uplift him so that he would start to believe the truth that you are speaking, that he would see your hope in front of him, that he would know you are life, that he would start to desire you and leave behind the things of this world. I pray that you would strengthen me to stand against the lies that Chris repeats. That the enemy would be far away from me and from our kids. That the enemy would be so far from anyone who Chris interacts with and instead that he would be surrounded by your truth from every direction. That he would know your love because he sees it and feels it. Help me to stand against the lies. It's going to take time for Chris to see clearly, for the blinders come off. So while he clings to those lies, I can live and speak against them and stand strong, recognizing it as the enemy and the lies he has planted and helping to uproot those, without words, but by my actions. Amen amen amen
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Post by Sharon on Sept 21, 2017 0:57:38 GMT -5
God is doing miracles. I was watching Levi Luskos sermon when Chris got home. Talking about conflict, about how to influence a situation. Really just what I needed to hear right at that moment. Chris came home and said again that he was leaving. Started packing up his stuff. I told him he knows what I want, but I am going to respect whatever decision he makes. We started talking a little and he says it is him, not me, and that he doesn't know what he wants. I asked him if he is having trouble forgiving me because he can't forgive himself? I don't think he had thought about that before. But I was being kind and supportive. He was saying and doing things to try to shake me, like saying he is going to sell the baseball tickets he got us for next week for example. I was sad and wounded at first. I came to my room and was crying but then put on the convoy of hope concert on klove Facebook page and got on in time to hear even if. And started praying and praising God and reading 1 Peter 3. About being a gentle wife, having no fear, being respectful. God reminded me to stand on the rock and not be swayed by the waves. So instead of crying for Chris, I started crying out to God then praising God and I was so lifted up with joy singing loudly. I don't know what happened with Chris. He saw me praising God and he tried to mock me a little, but I went down to get Christian some food before bed and when I came up, Chris was in our bed and told me to come and cuddle him and we had a really good night together. I don't know your plan God, but I know it is good and I won't be afraid. Help me to stand firm on your rock. Help me to be Christ like in my actions. Help my actions be aligned with my intentions. Help me to bless Chris, even if he does evil. Let me repay evil with blessing. Let me be a blessing to his life. Let him see you in me. And let him hear your voice in me, all around him, through his friends. In everything that he does and everywhere he goes, let him feel your presence and know your truth. Keep the enemy far from him and help him to not believe the lies. Amen
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Post by Sharon on Sept 21, 2017 6:03:22 GMT -5
Sorry for all the updates, but Chris did leave this morning. Lord stay with him and keep him safe. Be his wingman. Speak life and truth to him. Don't let him be hurt and don't let him hear the enemies lies. Reveal what is going on in truth to him so that he can open his heart and you can start to heal the wounded places
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Post by leandro on Sept 21, 2017 11:25:11 GMT -5
Sharon remain strong. I think this is a phase where the majority here have gone through in our marriages, my best advice, try not to worry about what he is doing, it will save you so many tears and headaches ( I wished somebody would have told me that when I separated from my wife) don’t go to fb or any social media to stalk him. Go to your secret place and be with God, that helped me a lot. Don’t worry this will all happened and you will be better. You are all in my prayers. Love you all and I always read your posts.
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Post by Sharon on Sept 21, 2017 15:14:04 GMT -5
Thank you so much Leandro for reminding me of that brother. I have actually turned off my Facebook and all social media now except this group and my weight loss group. I am trying to remember that. To stand firm on the rock and not watch the waters anxiously. Chris is floating out there in the storm and I know that, but I know that God is with him and I have to trust that he has control of this situation and it's protecting Chris. I want to keep praying every day. I just hope I don't get so cold that I can't care anymore and I think maybe it's why I am desperately trying to cling to him and keep my eyes open for him. I don't want this. I want to linger in Gods presence and be filled with his joy. I have been asking for a lot of prayer for him. Pray for me too brothers and sisters. And I love you all so much. I am still grateful for this group and I always will be. I know God brought me here into community with all of you.
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erika
Junior Member
Posts: 81
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Post by erika on Sept 21, 2017 15:15:04 GMT -5
I'm praying for you Sharon!!! I know God has everything under control and soon you will see what's He's doing on Chris.
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