My update -- I want to hear your updates too!

Hey Adrianne
Glad to know you are doing fairly well! Sorry to hear about your grandmother 😢
I hope you get the results you desire for your exams!

As for me, I've recently changed my interpretation of the scriptures a bit. The "prosperity gospel" also known as "the word of faith gospel" has been brought to my attention. So I've stopped following most mainstream & popular Christian speakers/leaders. They preach the truth subtly mixed with deceit. So I'm actually not a "stander" of my marriage anymore. I would rather make Jesus alone my hearts desire than to have Tony come home & my marriage restored & that be the god I'm serving.. im not going to marry another because the word says that I'm bound to my husband until death. He has left so God has called me to the peace that only His presence can give. But I will always be open to reconciliation, if that be Gods will. Just giving it over to the Father has been so freeing.. to not be insistent that this IS what Gods going to do just because I had a feeling that God said He's going to bring Tony home. He may very well, & I know without a doubt that He can, but I'm not going to "decree, declare, or speak it" into existence as if I am God.. I'm trusting Him either way. Complete abandon. If I die single, & broke then grace will be enough. I believe fully that God keeps His promises but I feel like His promise is Christs return & our home in heaven.. Not things I want or think is right here on earth..
No more of this, "God wants you to be blessed financially so that you can bless others financially" God doesn't need money to bless & He cares more about our hearts then our marriages being the way we want them to be, our health being perfect, or weather we're prospering financially. The true prize, gift, & blessing is Christ crusified & raised & us with Him in paradise. The apostles were broke, alone a lot, & were tortured & killed... why should I expect that I am to live above that? To declare it or decree it like most marriage restoration people or preachers on tv say to do.. If God blesses me financially, in marriage, or my health, then that's great & all glory is His. But if He doesn't I'm not going to gently demand it of Him.. or twist the scriptures to fit my life.
Anyway- I've been having lots of conversations with people from the pro-prosperity gospel side & people who are completely into legalism... there are still a few topics I'm lost on.. im not sure that I believe in a "rhema" word from God anymore, but rather use Gods word as a whole to direct my life.
When I read the scriptures now, sometimes I'm not sure if I'm reading it in the right interpretation.. so I'm struggling a bit but am so thankful God has opened my eyes a bit more!

I haven't herd from Tony in a while. A couple months ago he called about going through with the divorce. He was supposed to email me info about it & never did. He asked if I want the kids to keep his last name.. that stung.. then not to long later I found out the ow is pregnant & they are ingaged. He hasn't spoken to our toddlers in 8 months.
I just pray for them & the new baby's salvations & that the Lord will wake Tony up & for His will to be done above any freshly desire I have, rather that having "bold faith" which I now believe was ungodly, & declairing that our marriage will be restored and thanking the Lord for doing it... I can only imagine what Gods facial expression might be like.. like, "umm, I said my thoughts are higher than yours.. how are you gunna tell me?? Humble yourself or you will be serving your own made up god of your desires & pride rather than Me."

I still have custody of my nephew. My sister still hasn't got right & is possibly pregnant, but we're not sure. My nephews dad, who he was kinda close with, has forfeited all rights because he doesn't want to stop drinking. So sad.. my nephew has huge behavior issues that I'm hoping his new therpay will help with soon.

My health has been off.. heart palpiatations come & go every month. A month or two I will have them multiple times daily, then the next month or two I will rarely have one.. getting another test done for that in febuary. Having pain in my uterus (I have a uterus condition) so getting that checked next week. & I have something wrong with my intestines.. they thought it was a infection but the antibiotics didnt work. So next they're going to do some cat scans & see what's going on. It causes me a lot of pain, nausea, & other symptoms that suck! & it draines me. Hoping to get this all figured out but just trying to praise God even if none of it gets resolved.

Been searching for a new home church. My home church since the beginning of my "stand" turned out to actually be a prosperity gospel church.. it hurts actually because I've grown to love that place but for a while I've felt Ike I wansnt supposed to be there. There's this other church I felt before that God was calling me to, but I never went until recently. It's a lot smaller & pretty different from the big flashy church I'm used to but so far I think they preach the full truth. Still not for sure so it sucks not having a church home.. im church homeless lol

Mary I am so glad to hear God is leading you in the directions He has planned for you. I think you have it spot on - to be open to the idea of future restoration if that is Gods will for you, but not to allow that to be your idol. Instead to pour all your focus and energy into your relationship with the Lord. We have all struggled there! Of course with the support of each other and good intentions, but at one point or another we have all made this promise that God made more important then God himself. We can not build up false idols like that and expect to get somewhere. So I am so grateful to God for leading you to that realization in a way that hit home for you.

So, I haven't given an update in a while, figured I might should fix that.

Before I got sick in the middle of January, I had gotten an electronic device from my prodigal and stepdaughter, for the TV. I had it for quite a while trying to get it setup properly and dealing with sick and timing just couldn't get it back over there.

I went to take it back last Thursday and set it up, and it wouldn't work. I got to visit with my stepdaughter some, but for the most part they were working on packing and getting things together for going out of town last Friday. I couldn't get it working properly, so I ended up bringing it back with me again and working on it that night.

The following day (last friday) after work I get a call from my father in law. He had ordered a device from Amazon and wanted me to help him set it up. I ended up spending close to 5 hours Friday talking with him about us, and where I am. I am weak. I have promised to stand until God tells me otherwise, but where the devil gets me time and again, is my worry, that this conviction isn't from God, but my fleshly stubbornness. I struggle with that. And I have asked for signs and direction on numerous occasions to make sure I am on God's path. At one point my f-i-l actually said he hoped I would come to him one day and tell them I was in love, that I had found someone who loved me back like I deserve (his words). I told him I am in love, with his daughter and I would follow God until he tells me otherwise. It was several hours of fellowship and love.

So, I knew I was going into work early this morning, so I planned to go to bed early yesterday. I get in bed and for the life of me, I can't get my wife off my mind. I just tossed and turned and looked at the ceiling for about an hour thinking about her. Finally, I said this is crazy, got up and texted her. I told her I couldn't get her off my mind, and that I just wanted to tell her that I love her. I am assuming at this point she is asleep, and she texts back that, that is too sweet and that they love me too.

So I still can't sleep, and I decide to watch TV for a bit and read my Bible a bit, and finally get tired.

As I am at work early this morning I again ask God for guidance, that if it is him calling me to this to bring Beverly to mind during tonight's church service. That a song, or a story, or the sermon something would just make me think of her specifically during service.

So, tonight as we are transitioning from praise and worship, and the offering into the actual sermon, she texts me... What else is going to make me think of her more than... Her! She was asking if I could try to setup that equipment again. I texted her back that once I got back from service I would come set it up.

I get over there, get it setup and my stepdaughter falls asleep as I am walking her through using it. Before I go I kiss my stepdaughter on the head and tell her that I love her, and she mumbles back to me that she loves me too. Before I left I walk behind their chair and kiss my wife on top of the head and tell her I love her.

I just walk in the door and she is sending a thank you text, and I tell her I love her and g'night. More than I have talked to her in months.

I know it's not restored that easily, but I can see God working and moving bit by bit. He is such an amazing God! Such an awesome father!

Before I go, I also want to tell you something said tonight at service. It wasn't even part of our text, but an image on the background of a slide had Peter stepping out of the boat to meet Jesus on the water. Pastor said, I want you to realize. Peter was a fisherman. I find it hard to believe he couldn't swim. He was just moments before standing on a sturdy secure boat, and when he started to falter and go into the water, he didn't try to leap to the boat, or tread water, or swim to the boat, he cried out in prayer, Lord, save me! As sturdy as the boat was, as good a swimmer a fisherman would be, he knew his security was truly in Jesus!

Eric, I'm so encouraged by your update! Small steps in the works. God is so amazing!

Wow! That is so awesome! That is so God! Luv it!!

Tyler I am so hopeful in your update too! Our prodigals won't all of a sudden change overnight so don't be too discouraged that she says those things. God is whispering to her right now

Hey All - I've been reading every ones updates and thought I would chime in. Life has kept me busy and that's a good thing I guess. January is always a busy time for me at work with all the end of the year payroll tax reports, W-2's, Obamacare forms, etc. But it's over and I made it through it again - Praise God!

In my small community Exxon is going to build a refinery right on the edge of town. Industrial plants have already built on the water side of town right up next to a new housing development, and this is going to be on the other side of town, so we're going to be hemmed in by plants and refineries. I feel like this is going to be the downfall of our town, (we're not a big town at all) so I'm going to put my house on the market and try to get out while I can. I look at other little towns that plants and industrial sites took over, and it saddens me.

Selling my house is going to be no small feat. We've accumulated 36 years of stuff and everyone that left, my youngest daughter still lives there, just took the things they wanted and moved out and everything else was left behind. Going through and weeding stuff out, getting rid of everything that represents my life with David, is a hard thing to do. I know it's all just stuff, but some of it is hard to let go of.

Speaking of David, I haven't heard anything from him. He is building a new house and I hear from the kids that all he seems concerned with now is how he's going to pay for it. He got a letter at the house in mid January. I struggled for a couple of hours on whether to tell him about it, forward it to his new address (where the OW lives), or just hang onto it until he comes again. But, it had a deadline so I texted him about it. He texted me back and thanked me and said he had tried to send me texts to wish me a Merry Christmas and another one on New Years, but for some reason they wouldn't go through. I had made the decision after I texted him Thanksgiving that I'm not going to continue to reach out to him each holiday like I've been doing. I text him and he responds, but I felt like I was bothering him and he was just being polite (which is an improvement after three years of silence). BUT, I guess since he tried to text me first, I at least crossed his mind for a moment.

I'm making plans to vacation with some friends in Colorado the first part of March. My son is wanting to join us, but the father of his step daughter won't keep her for the week, so he's disappointed in that. Saturday (the 11th) was Austin's due date - so sadness is creeping in again. I keep telling myself that he's the most Blessed of us all because he'll never experience any of the pain or heartache of this world. He only knows The love of Our Father. But I still grieve for my son and his wife and for me. I still feel a distance between myself and God. I've tried to attain the peace and contentment I had before, but it still alludes me. Pray that God breaks me so I get back to that place where He is all I need. It's a sad and lonely world when you feel separated from God. I want my peace and contentment back. Maybe I will find Him again in the Colorado mountains...